Venting I just had a panic attack

[ItsOverIsntIt]

Sorry this is just going to be me venting but I really need to tell someone what just happened. I hate myself so much right now. I had an assignment for my psychology class that I thought was due today at midnight, like most of my other assignments are. I put it off because I couldnt get the motivation or energy to do it earlier in the day. But it was due at 11 pm and I missed part of it. I cant get into the board and was only able to complete part of it. when it was nearing 11 I couldnt breathe and couldnt focus on my work becuase I was so focused on the time and I didnt complete it. I didnt finish and I hate that. I feel like im goint to fail the entire class but I know thats not true and its irrational. I started crying immediately after and i couldnt breathe. I feel like a failure. I feel like i could drop out of college and waste all the money that was spent on me but i dont deserve that if i cant even get through one assignment. I hate having panic attacks and now i have scratch marks on my arms from scratching myself. I might get a bruise too becuse I started hitting myself. I hate this so much i know logically that one grade wont fail me but i feel like it will and then my parents will throw me out and i can never talk to my friends because they won't care. Im going in circles now i really hate myself and wish i could do better but thats not going to happen

 

[Stick]

i can never talk to my friends because they won't care.

Those don't sound much like friends.
I get panic attacks too, but even still I don't know what to say. But I have felt what you feel, and it isn't "bad" that you are experiencing it. It's unpleasant and if there were something I could do to make you feel this way I would do it in a heartbeat, but these cycles aren't something that makes you less than who you are. This setback does not mean that you will fail your semester.
I'm doing the same thing right now, actually. Well, I'm not having a panic attack, but I am rushing through a project that I thought was due next week, but is actually due in just an hour. Instead, I keep procrastinating and watching youtube videos, playing with my pets, and coming on this forum. It's not what I should be doing. It's stressful. I know how it feels. Even if the people in your life right now don't care, I care, and so do a lot of other people on this forum.

 

[RandomDude1234]

i dont deserve that if i cant even get through one assignment

Oh you do deserve every good thing that has happened to you and much more. The only thing you don't deserve is this stupid panic attack who is making you feel like one assignment is everything. There are many more things that you have gotten through, much harder than this assignment.

i know logically that one grade wont fail me but i feel like it will

Please remember this. It's fine to feel a bit stressed but don't let your current stress push you into a corner. You are not going to fail your grade and as you said.

Im going in circles now i really hate myself and wish i could do better but thats not going to happen

It's okay. Your feelings are valid.
You can't change what has happened, but you can and you will definitely do better in the next thing. I believe in you.

And as @Stick said, they don't sound like Friends if they are going to leave you over this.