Venting I just got a boyfriend..

[Cee]

I started dating this guy like 2 days ago because in my mind i can do whatever and it doesnt really matter since im gonna kill myself soon anyway. Idk if that makes me an awful person bc now thats just one more person who is gonna be in pain when im gone. Honetly though i really struggle to believe that anyway genuienly likes me like this guy has 'loved' me for about 4 years straight and he goes on all the time about how much i mean to him but in my brain i still just cannot process that i actually mean something to someone like it just doesnt go through as real. So anyway i just thought i would share. this is actually my first real boyfriend which i guess is kind of cool but i dont even like him THAT much.. im just kind of dating him just to do it u know. Idk if we're gonna kiss or get 'intimate' if u know what i mean.. he doesnt seem like the type to be into that kind of thing but i wouldnt really mind it i guess, again, none of it will matter soon anyway. Sometimes i think i may have sociopathic tendencies bc i really, really just do not care that he will be hurt when i die. I've already told him that im suicidal and plan to die young and he freaked out about it. I just don't care though, it doesnt make me sad or worried or concerned i feel nothing about it. Its gonna take some time for me to get used to this whole boyfriend thing. we're hanging out after i work today so idk we'll see how it goes. i hope we hold hands at least lmao, if im gonna be dating someone i want to at least get some sort of human attention out of it, im lonely as hell.
This is the only place i can be totally honest about whats going on in my head, i really really appreciate everyone on this website and everyone who takes the time to talk to me and respond to my posts <3 this is pretty uninteresting stuff but its just whats going on in my terrible life rn and i know i enjoy reading about other peoples lives so ill try to keep you guys updated on how this relationship turns out..

 

[ctoan]

is he good looking though

 

[tothemetalsickness]

I don't think it is quite fair for him if you don't really love him THAT much. Don't jump into any relationship if you feel lonely because that would cause another pain for the guy if that he really loves you and you are not into him at all or not THAT much.

 

[Cee]

is he good looking though

he's slightly below average, if we're being honest here

 

[Cee]

I don't think it is quite fair for him if you don't really love him THAT much. Don't jump into any relationship if you feel lonely because that would cause another pain for the guy if that he really loves you and you are not into him at all or not THAT much.

yeah i agree its not fair to him. Its just that ive known him for soo long and i think im ready to try it out. relationships take time and he knows that im not as committed as he is, but im willing to see where it goes. I dont want to hurt him but i feel like no matter how it comes to an end, whether we break up or i ctb, its unavoidable either way. Its our senior year so we'll break up to go to college anyway since im not into long distance.. idk its complicated i guess.

 

[ctoan]

i think if you are totally honest with him from the start they should be no problem

 

[Cee]

i think if you are totally honest with him from the start they should be no problem

yeah i think so too, thats what im gonna try to do. Just dont know if he can handle complete honesty lmao

 

[ctoan]

yeah i think so too, thats what im gonna try to do. Just dont know if he can handle complete honesty lmao

i would skip the suicide part tho

 

[Cee]

i would skip the suicide part tho

i already told him i want to 'die young' and his reaction was less than ideal.. i'll avoid going into more detail with him for his own sanity

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I don't blame you for having a boyfriend. Our needs, curiosity, and loneliness often override what we should do on paper, that's just human nature. Who knows whether you'd even go through with ctb, it's not like you're typing this from the Golden Gate bridge (presumably). Do what makes you feel good, enjoy what time you have.

 

[weedoge]

I don't blame you for having a boyfriend. Our needs, curiosity, and loneliness often override what we should do on paper, that's just human nature. Who knows whether you'd even go through with ctb, it's not like you're typing this from the Golden Gate bridge (presumably). Do what makes you feel good, enjoy what time you have.

But don't blame your partner for eventually leaving you if you repeatedly tell them you're suicidal. Expect it really

 

[fuckthis]

But don't blame your partner for eventually leaving you if you repeatedly tell them you're suicidal. Expect it really

This is what I'm thinking. Eventually you'll be their patient and it goes down hill from there.

 

[weedoge]

This is what I'm thinking. Eventually you'll be their patient and it goes down hill from there.

It happened to me very very young. Most stunning girl I ever knew too, I didn't know what I had until I screwed it up. We were both very young so I shouldn't have expected her to be able to therapise me but damn. She was a stunner and never forgive myself for that.

 

[Cee]

But don't blame your partner for eventually leaving you if you repeatedly tell them you're suicidal. Expect it really

I'll definitely try to keep this in mind if i decide to keep going with this relationship. If i stay alive just for this then i might as well put my all into it