Venting I just feel really lonely

[CTBsteve]

I'm sorry if this comes off weird or is formatted wrong. I read the rules, the FAQ, etc so I apologize if something's wrong I just really need someone to talk to. I feel really guilty because my life isn't even that bad I just feel emotionally alone in a way. My husband use to feel suicidal as well and still does but he's more on the side to recovery and improving himself and I just feel like shit cause I don't think I can. He has friends that invite him to fun parties and they play games all the time and I just feel like I'm set to the side now. I tried talking to him about it but whenever I do I realize we do spend time together he's just overwhelmed by work and I can also require a little too much I spend time with him but I'm never satisfied cause he'll want to spend time with friends or be alone and I can't be involved all the time so I suffocate him but I just don't know how to help it. I've tried to make friends but they just think I talk to much or my personality is annoying I don't know what to do I just want to feel appreciated to. I want to go to cool events and get gifts and people buy me flowers when I'm sad too. I just feel like nobody gives a shit about me and I feel selfish for wanting that I feel like I deserve that friendship too but I should also be able to be happy being alone I don't know what's wrong with me I just want to be appreciated by someone but I feel like shit for wanting that I'm just too selfish I think. I'm sorry for putting so much out there I just feel alone even though I have somebody so close to me am I too needy or crazy? I think I just have a unhealthy attachment to my spouse so I'm never satisfied. I feel like it would be easier if I just CTB so I don't burden him anymore but then he says I don't burden him but I'm constantly just depressed crying or hurting myself it must be exhausting to deal with that all the time I feel like it would be easier if I just order some SN and get it over with I'm sorry for the long post I just don't know what to do I feel like I have nobody to confide in other than my husband but I can only go to him so much

 

[aunique]

You're not selfish, wanting to be loved and cared for is something we all want and need . I'm sorry that you have to go through that and you really do deserve to be loved and appreciated and you deserve to feel happy and no you're not crazy lol, just a person with feelings and emotions like a normal person. I'm sorry if it came out wrong I'm pretty bad at comforting but I want you to know that your feelings are valid and you deserve the best

Wish it were real and I could give it to you but you deserve the prettiest and biggest of bouquets.

 

[Mirrory Me]

You could perhaps start some hobby or project together? Or you could travel, explore things.

 

[DisillusionedDruid]

I'm sorry if this comes off weird or is formatted wrong. I read the rules, the FAQ, etc so I apologize if something's wrong I just really need someone to talk to. I feel really guilty because my life isn't even that bad I just feel emotionally alone in a way. My husband use to feel suicidal as well and still does but he's more on the side to recovery and improving himself and I just feel like shit cause I don't think I can. He has friends that invite him to fun parties and they play games all the time and I just feel like I'm set to the side now. I tried talking to him about it but whenever I do I realize we do spend time together he's just overwhelmed by work and I can also require a little too much I spend time with him but I'm never satisfied cause he'll want to spend time with friends or be alone and I can't be involved all the time so I suffocate him but I just don't know how to help it. I've tried to make friends but they just think I talk to much or my personality is annoying I don't know what to do I just want to feel appreciated to. I want to go to cool events and get gifts and people buy me flowers when I'm sad too. I just feel like nobody gives a shit about me and I feel selfish for wanting that I feel like I deserve that friendship too but I should also be able to be happy being alone I don't know what's wrong with me I just want to be appreciated by someone but I feel like shit for wanting that I'm just too selfish I think. I'm sorry for putting so much out there I just feel alone even though I have somebody so close to me am I too needy or crazy? I think I just have a unhealthy attachment to my spouse so I'm never satisfied. I feel like it would be easier if I just CTB so I don't burden him anymore but then he says I don't burden him but I'm constantly just depressed crying or hurting myself it must be exhausting to deal with that all the time I feel like it would be easier if I just order some SN and get it over with I'm sorry for the long post I just don't know what to do I feel like I have nobody to confide in other than my husband but I can only go to him so much

I'm so sorry you feel that way. I have seen a thing called Toxic Shame and there's ways outta it. It appears you've got it, as I'm trying to free myself of it and see many similar traits in you and me.



It's here if you wanna check it out.

In terms of feeling selfish, that's not the case. You are well within your rights to not want to be left behind. The horrible catch 22 - you need to free yourself of some of these frequency vibes. We have to change things within ourselves to become likeable to those who judge us. Or, a toxic way of doing it, become a people pleaser and fit to the shape of what people want you to be. Hard to fake when feeling like shit (I'm kinda stuck at these frequencies myself so I have to prepare for a few days before being able to plaster on a fake smile and pretend for a ceremony or something. Thankfully, I'm stepping down soon, lest anyone be concerned for the people attending) so I appreciate the difficulty of this.

I hope my words can spark something to help or the playlist may serve well.

Good for you venting. We are here to share and express when you need.

I hope you can get invited to cool parties

 

[CTBsteve]

You're not selfish, wanting to be loved and cared for is something we all want and need . I'm sorry that you have to go through that and you really do deserve to be loved and appreciated and you deserve to feel happy and no you're not crazy lol, just a person with feelings and emotions like a normal person. I'm sorry if it came out wrong I'm pretty bad at comforting but I want you to know that your feelings are valid and you deserve the bestView attachment 156343

Wish it were real and I could give it to you but you deserve the prettiest and biggest of bouquets.

Thank you so much it really means a lot to me. I'm trying not to cry right now cause the flowers make me really happy . Did not come out bad at all thank you for taking the time to listen to me it means a lot truly

You could perhaps start some hobby or project together? Or you could travel, explore things.

We both work a lot so we don't necessarily have the time since we get different days off. I try to set up days for us to do things but it usually won't work out cause of our schedules conflicting. We do spend time together but it feels kind of like "passive" time. Where I'll play a game by myself and he listens to music. So we do spend time together but it's not necessarily "couple" time I feel since we're both so tired from work. But then he gets to spend days he has off with his friends doing fun stuff but I get jealous cause I don't really have those opportunities at the moment

I'm so sorry you feel that way. I have seen a thing called Toxic Shame and there's ways outta it. It appears you've got it, as I'm trying to free myself of it and see many similar traits in you and me.



It's here if you wanna check it out.

In terms of feeling selfish, that's not the case. You are well within your rights to not want to be left behind. The horrible catch 22 - you need to free yourself of some of these frequency vibes. We have to change things within ourselves to become likeable to those who judge us. Or, a toxic way of doing it, become a people pleaser and fit to the shape of what people want you to be. Hard to fake when feeling like shit (I'm kinda stuck at these frequencies myself so I have to prepare for a few days before being able to plaster on a fake smile and pretend for a ceremony or something. Thankfully, I'm stepping down soon, lest anyone be concerned for the people attending) so I appreciate the difficulty of this.

I hope my words can spark something to help or the playlist may serve well.

Good for you venting. We are here to share and express when you need.

I hope you can get invited to cool parties

I will 100% check it out I'll research the concept some and watch the video when I get home I'll let you know if I feel like I can relate with it and maybe reading on it will help me out. I've kind of calmed down a lot now I'm thankful that you and others just listened to me complain I feel like I have a non judgment zone to go to now where there's people I can relate with. Thank you so much for listening

 

[UnnervedCompany]

The last thing you should feel is selfishness. Humans are social creatures and you deserve to have social spaces. I know meeting people online might not be everyone's cup of tea but it has certainly helped me. You could meet people online and then visit them and have long distance friends. It might not be enough but it will certainly help I believe. Also you need to talk to your spouse again if he has not heard the message or helped you at all. Partners are meant to be carrying each other through hurdles. It is vital to express your discontent but it is important to express it without blame or fault on anyone since that will just create dissonance between you 2. He can help you meet people he might see as good matches for you.

If your husband is going through a journey of recovery why do you believe you do not deserve it and or burdening people by your existence. You are good enough for happiness.