I just don't see the point

[Lazy]

After a talk with a good friend recently I've really started to try again, with life I mean. Both with very basic things like taking care of myself (at least somewhat), to sleep, to eat, to clean, all that fun stuff up to things like my Uni courses, even cought up a bit on the stuff I couldn't be bothered to learn otherwise etc. I really, at least for a time, tried to at least get myself into a working state, just a bit above the "borderline failing" one I've been in for so long. But nowI'm here again so you can guess how that all worked out. I never really had that much hope I could stop being miserable if "I just tried a bit more" but it still hurts. I didn't even fail anything yet but I began to realise why I stopped trying in the first place: I just don't see the point in all of this.
Why, for which purpose should I spend most of my day studying for at least the next 3 years? So I can then (in the best case) find a job so I can spend another 40-45 years working with barely any free time? Even if I had free time, it's not like I would know how to spend it. I don't want anything, I have just been doing the samething day in and day out and apparently am expected to keep doing so for the majority of my life untill my body is even worse than it is now and my brain is mush. I just don't get why? For what purpose? Just to acord to public norms? Because that is what everyones life is destined to be anyways? I have no desire for such an exsictance. The only reason I still live is to prevent the suffering that my death would cause to those close to me. I still need to decide whether I will passively wait and hold on until I can no longer endure the crushing weight exsisting puts on me or actively will distance myself from all whom I love to not hurt them with my death, all I know is that I will not live the life that seems to be expected of me, not if I have a choice.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

The only thing left for me is to try to live for other beings or humans but I haven't really found anyone to do that for. I resonate 100% with what you said.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel exactly like this too now. Just going through the motions (reluctantly) because I feel obliged to. Although, now shirking chores until there's more pressure to do them. I was pretty lucky I suppose that for decades, I was passionate about pursuing a creative career. That really helped me. Without that same drive though, it's simply a whole long, never ending sequence of chores ahead.

I wish there was an answer or, something comforting I could say. I just can't think of anything though. Only that you're not alone- slogging through it for the sake of not hurting others.