ITSCHRISHERE123
Member
- Jul 5, 2021
- 54
Where do I even start?... okay so, I've been following this website more frequently in the past week so I've decided to post what I am going through and what I am planning on doing. This post is probably going to be lengthy so bare with me.
Alright so let me give you guys the back story of everything so I can give you context of my situation. So recently I've been having second thoughts about my family, friends, and just my whole situation. It all really started to go down hill when I've moved back with my mother because of certain circumstances that happened when I was living with my dad. It's personal so I won't go into full details about it. But I did get into trouble with the law.
So when I've moved back to my mom's house I was still on probation and I didn't have a job. So it was a pretty frustrating situation and time for me. Fast forward about a year later still on probation and my "brother" moves in after that it was was all down hill. My "brother" is nothing like me. No goals, barley works, pot smoker, and just no real direction in life. He's toxic as hell and my "Parents" just enable him. So he is a slop and loves the house dirty and I always cleaned it up but eventually I just stopped cleaning. of course it keeps getting dirty again. But it always ends up being my fault. Because of the house getting dirty my ex- mom always nagging and bitching. Now remember to I already have enough on my shoulders with being on probation and working. If you never been on probation it can be frustrating as hell. So skip forward into time and I'm just fed up with all my family's crap so I've gotten into it with my mom and just stormed out of the house. I'm now homeless but I refuse to go back to that shit hole of a house. Later in time I then gotten a apartment with a roommate via roomies. The rent was cheap but the Bills were through the roof. At that time I've worked for basically penny's and dimes (minimum wage) at a restaurant and I just couldn't keep up anymore. That when my mental health really started to go down hill I've made about 3 or 4 maybe even more attempts to end my life. Or ctb? Idk if we have to use code words or something so I apologize if that is not allowed.
Anyhow that's when I made the decision to just run away to Alaska because of being close with nature and having a comfortable cabin sounds nice to me. But surprise surprise things didn't really worked out as planned and I ended up calling it quits and on the morning of Thanksgiving I decided to call my ex-mom so she picked me and took me back to the hell house... now thinking back why the f*ck did I decide to move back that's beyond me. But eventually I did move back around when covid started. By that time I was off probation. But still didn't have a job and my mental health was still the same.... Sh*tty. I know what I want to do in life I have goals and etc. But f*ck it's hard asf. I do eventually get a job and somewhat started to get my life back on track. Until my "brother " moved right back into the hell house. And surprise surprise. Sh*t just goes left again. I want to talk about what happened but I'll be here forever talking about it. She eventually kicked out my brother. As she was treating to kick us out even though I didn't agree on my "brothers" friend living there and you guessed it. He was a loser just like my "brother" he had a job but he was a slop and had no goals or direction in life all he did was go to work (At Hooters, he was a cook) and come "home" and be a slop and smoked pot. Don't get me wrong I don't think there's anything wrong with pot. But if you let it consume your life to the point where you aren't doing anything then that's when it becomes a issue. They both gotten kicked out eventually but I was already moved out because the situation was toxic. There's still so much to the story that I left out but to finally get to the point where I'm at my wits end. I need to go back late last month.
Okay, so late last month me and my brother or ex brother gotten into it. He was accusing me of stealing his stupid belt. Smh it wasn't even Gucci or anything like that. Stupid petty argument. That lead to the cops being called. And it was a pretty normal morning I was dog sitting that was my job. But the police gotten called and he had to leave. But wait there's more now here is where I've had it. With my so called "family" my mom and brother gotten protective orders on me!? For defending myself like tf? Like I've said my ex-mom was a huge enabler including my ex-dad. So I had to move out the property. Also if I my add I've told her I was moving out on the 30th. So I was again homeless... they did drop the charges but the damage was already done. I no longer have connect with any of my family upset for my grandmother. I don't plan on re connecting with them anytime soon. Nothing like family right? But honestly I'm at my wits end and I am mentally and physically strained at this point. I've ordered sn. But I'm on the fence about doing it. Not that I'm scared or anything we all die eventually. But recently I've gotten a call from my trade school talking about 8 weeks of online enrollment then. I'll be sent to the actual campus finally I've been waiting ever since July of last year. Covid was a thing so everyone was in lock down. But now I have this tiny slither of hope. But 90% of me still just wants to off myself. Soooooo. Yeah that's pretty much it. There was a lot of information and backstory I've left put because this post is already long enough. Thank you if you've gotten this far. I am open to questions, opinions, and others thoughts
Alright so let me give you guys the back story of everything so I can give you context of my situation. So recently I've been having second thoughts about my family, friends, and just my whole situation. It all really started to go down hill when I've moved back with my mother because of certain circumstances that happened when I was living with my dad. It's personal so I won't go into full details about it. But I did get into trouble with the law.
So when I've moved back to my mom's house I was still on probation and I didn't have a job. So it was a pretty frustrating situation and time for me. Fast forward about a year later still on probation and my "brother" moves in after that it was was all down hill. My "brother" is nothing like me. No goals, barley works, pot smoker, and just no real direction in life. He's toxic as hell and my "Parents" just enable him. So he is a slop and loves the house dirty and I always cleaned it up but eventually I just stopped cleaning. of course it keeps getting dirty again. But it always ends up being my fault. Because of the house getting dirty my ex- mom always nagging and bitching. Now remember to I already have enough on my shoulders with being on probation and working. If you never been on probation it can be frustrating as hell. So skip forward into time and I'm just fed up with all my family's crap so I've gotten into it with my mom and just stormed out of the house. I'm now homeless but I refuse to go back to that shit hole of a house. Later in time I then gotten a apartment with a roommate via roomies. The rent was cheap but the Bills were through the roof. At that time I've worked for basically penny's and dimes (minimum wage) at a restaurant and I just couldn't keep up anymore. That when my mental health really started to go down hill I've made about 3 or 4 maybe even more attempts to end my life. Or ctb? Idk if we have to use code words or something so I apologize if that is not allowed.
Anyhow that's when I made the decision to just run away to Alaska because of being close with nature and having a comfortable cabin sounds nice to me. But surprise surprise things didn't really worked out as planned and I ended up calling it quits and on the morning of Thanksgiving I decided to call my ex-mom so she picked me and took me back to the hell house... now thinking back why the f*ck did I decide to move back that's beyond me. But eventually I did move back around when covid started. By that time I was off probation. But still didn't have a job and my mental health was still the same.... Sh*tty. I know what I want to do in life I have goals and etc. But f*ck it's hard asf. I do eventually get a job and somewhat started to get my life back on track. Until my "brother " moved right back into the hell house. And surprise surprise. Sh*t just goes left again. I want to talk about what happened but I'll be here forever talking about it. She eventually kicked out my brother. As she was treating to kick us out even though I didn't agree on my "brothers" friend living there and you guessed it. He was a loser just like my "brother" he had a job but he was a slop and had no goals or direction in life all he did was go to work (At Hooters, he was a cook) and come "home" and be a slop and smoked pot. Don't get me wrong I don't think there's anything wrong with pot. But if you let it consume your life to the point where you aren't doing anything then that's when it becomes a issue. They both gotten kicked out eventually but I was already moved out because the situation was toxic. There's still so much to the story that I left out but to finally get to the point where I'm at my wits end. I need to go back late last month.
Okay, so late last month me and my brother or ex brother gotten into it. He was accusing me of stealing his stupid belt. Smh it wasn't even Gucci or anything like that. Stupid petty argument. That lead to the cops being called. And it was a pretty normal morning I was dog sitting that was my job. But the police gotten called and he had to leave. But wait there's more now here is where I've had it. With my so called "family" my mom and brother gotten protective orders on me!? For defending myself like tf? Like I've said my ex-mom was a huge enabler including my ex-dad. So I had to move out the property. Also if I my add I've told her I was moving out on the 30th. So I was again homeless... they did drop the charges but the damage was already done. I no longer have connect with any of my family upset for my grandmother. I don't plan on re connecting with them anytime soon. Nothing like family right? But honestly I'm at my wits end and I am mentally and physically strained at this point. I've ordered sn. But I'm on the fence about doing it. Not that I'm scared or anything we all die eventually. But recently I've gotten a call from my trade school talking about 8 weeks of online enrollment then. I'll be sent to the actual campus finally I've been waiting ever since July of last year. Covid was a thing so everyone was in lock down. But now I have this tiny slither of hope. But 90% of me still just wants to off myself. Soooooo. Yeah that's pretty much it. There was a lot of information and backstory I've left put because this post is already long enough. Thank you if you've gotten this far. I am open to questions, opinions, and others thoughts
