Venting I just don't know if I should ctb tonight or not

[sulk]

Im too scared to just simply die and i'm too scared to live. I literally only have today to ctb since my relatives will be coming over for the rest of the month until like late october they'll be gone but i don't know if it's too risky to wait that long. I just feel so fucking lost and if i don't ctb today ill be suffering for another three weeks. I don't know if ill be able to handle that. I just want to do it today and get it over with. i planned to do it by today or earlier but i'm just a pussy i pussied out. i just can't stop thinking about my family finding my body hanging the next day or me failing and setting a bad reputation for my family or even becoming vegetable. i hate survival instinct, i genuinely don't know if ill be able to get it over with. i just want some substance like sn to take me away from this hell and all of this hard decision making. hell, i don't even think ill have the guts to ingest sn because of how much of a pussy i am. i know ctbing is not an easy decision to make but i just see other people getting it over with and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me, as sick as it is to think of it in such a way

 

[Sweetsinking]

I also suffer with making the big decision to end it and it makes me feel like a failure or a fake. My biggest fear is also becoming a vegetable! The #1 reason why I've never attempted. I also know if I ingested SN I'd call for help as soon as the symptoms hit me lol, survival instincts are something.

 

[sulk]

I also suffer with making the big decision to end it and it makes me feel like a failure or a fake. My biggest fear is also becoming a vegetable! The #1 reason why I've never attempted. I also know if I ingested SN I'd call for help as soon as the symptoms hit me lol, survival instincts are something.

i totally get that and you're not a failure at all survival instinct is just a bitch ://

 

[Kitsune_BCN]

Are u here?

 

[sulk]

Are u here?

Yes !!

 

[Nocturna]

I feel the same, too scared to die and too scared to life. Dont beat yourself up over a failed attempt, I am very happy that I can talk to you rn!