Help I just don't know anymore

[sadlyexisting]

In the recent days, I started to think that it's finally time for me to go off this world, after a lot of depressive episodes. I also have the strength and will to die. But there is still one problem.

My family is a family, that some people wish for, but every time I do something wrong or do something against their will, they will scream at me constantly. For example, that I wouldn't care about their feelings. That has been killing me recently and also is the reason I finally have gotten the strength to go, but every time I want to end it and stand next to the train rails a lot of thoughts overcome me. The thoughts are just like ''What if someone in my family will also take their life because of me?'', ''What if something happens to my family, and I am the cause?'',''I don't want to cause my family more problems.'', and much more. Every time the train passes me, and I was lost in these thoughts, I was mad at myself why I hadn't done it. They will scream at me again anyway. I just want to leave, find my peace, and don't care about anyone anymore.

Is there any way to overcome such thoughts? Or stop to care about them, since they are the cause of me being here?

 

[FuneralCry]

The reality is that when to leave this world is a personal decision and anyway we are all destined to die, we are just waiting around for death and once we are gone whatever happens in this world could never be our concern. I bet that eventually most of us won't even exist in the memories of those who continue to be trapped here. And if somebody else decides to ctb then that's their decision, but anyway only you know when the time is right to leave, I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry what you have to go through must be so awful. It's primarily your own decision and your right to leave this world not that one of your family who is causing you so much pain. I think it's easier to overcome those thoughts when you are really ready to ctb because actually they don't really matter in the end! Perhaps you should rethink your chosen method. Train is very cruel and in the worst case you may not ctb but only lose limbs or you are paralyzed. You can read about more humane methods in the Suicide Resource Compilation in the sticky threads. I hope you can find peace!

 

[sadlyexisting]

I'm sorry what you have to go through must be so awful. It's primarily your own decision and your right to leave this world not that one of your family who is causing you so much pain. I think it's easier to overcome those thoughts when you are really ready to ctb because actually they don't really matter in the end! Perhaps you should rethink your chosen method. Train is very cruel and in the worst case you may not ctb but only lose limbs or you are paralyzed. You can read about more humane methods in the Suicide Resource Compilation in the sticky threads. I hope you can find peace!

Thank you very much, I have already thought about other methods, but the problem is that I don't have and can't get the resources for the other methods. I also don't have a high bridge, building, or something near me. I can just hope that once I ctb everything will work out perfectly fine.