Venting I just don't get it... conversations and flow, both IRL and social media (FB, YT, IG, Twitter, etc.)

[TAW122]

Perhaps it's my Aspergers and lack of social awareness and/or inability to see it, but I just never understood conversation in both IRL and social media. By this I mean, when I see someone post something on FB/YT/IG/Twitter, I just don't know how to respond or why some people respond the way they do. It's like there is some non-verbal, non-textual subliminal meaning that most normies and what not just "get it" but I don't (again owing it to Aspergers and social ineptness). I serious, just DON'T see how they understand the implied meanings, the social rules (which I often break without even being 'aware' if such - thus resulting in a lot of flak, social rejection, and what not).

So for example, by this, I mean someone who is talking about something funny, or trendy (I'm mostly out of the loop so even then I don't know nor keep up much to contribute anyways...), and then someone responds with various comments and somehow others "just get it". Sadly, I just don't and I don't know how to respond. (See picture below for one example)



Before anyone dismisses me and says "but that's just social media", "it means nothing", "fuck what others' think" etc. Yes, that is true and I agree, but that clearly misses the point. The point is that while yes, I mainly live life on my own terms, it would be nice just to be able to participate and also be accepted WHEN I WANT to be rather than to be rejected automatically without been given a chance (when I decide to).

There is a difference between the two, one being the default result, I suck at social interactions (both IRL and online) thus get rejected without any chance to improve (if I want to) versus I know it but I choose not to. The latter would be voluntary anti-social. I consider myself closer to being IAS (involuntary anti-social) meaning that there is a part of me (at various times in my life) where I wish to socialize, understand others and what they mean (cues, implications, body language, slang, proper social etiquette and response, etc.), but am NOT able to owing it to my Aspergers, social failings, and no one to really just "teach" me how to (don't get me started on therapists and that junk). A lot of people that don't have Aspergers who choose not to socialize or have social lives and connections would be VAS (voluntary anti-social) meaning that they have the "ability" to make lots of friends, join and flow in a convo well, without being awkward, knows social etiquette and rules, can succeed, but just by their volition choose not to (nothing wrong with it though). But anyways, my point is that I would rather be VAS than IAS in this case, meaning that while I'm mostly introverted and like to be alone and have my own special stances in regards to CTB, pro-choice and what not, I would rather have the "ability" to socialize and do it well, just like how most people are than to not have it and be forced to be IAS through things outside of my control/choice.

In my other thread about my woes and rants of my social media as well as my story of my Aspergers and social troubles, though rather reached a narrow audience... both explains in more details of my social life struggles and rather non-existent, poor social life, in which contributes to my wanting to CTB.

 

[pole]

i guess it's just being socially aware and some sort of common sense element. ALOT of people actually struggle with this, so don't let this bring you down.

my advice would be to put yourself in the POSITION OF SOMEONE ELSE in a social setting, whether its a convo irl or online across social medias. put yourself in the shoes of someone else and ask yourself, what would you wanna be told? during certain times of the convo, HOW WOULD YOU want that to be answered? How would YOU want someone to respond to what you said? what would YOU expect someone to say if it was you saying something similar? how would you feel if someone said what you think they should say, etc. imo, putting yourself in someone elses position, to sort of see it from a different view helps, instead of just repeatedly stressing yourself out on how you should continue a convo, what you should say, etc. put yourself in someone elses shoes and switch this train of thought around, WHAT WOULD YOU want someone to say to you that is socially acceptable and an appropriate response in ur opinion.

don't know if that'll help, but it's a different way of looking at and understanding such problems. hope this helps.

take care.

 

[TAW122]

Thanks @Hasssssuùuu I'll consider it.

 

[peacefully31425]

I'd say I agree for the most part. My issue is that even when I understand the flow, I find it difficult to properly articulate my feelings and/or thoughts. I've moved past actually wanting to form meaningful relationships with people.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

There are people who think I'm autistic. When I was young I couldn't read social queues or really hold conversations. I couldn't understand why and it really pissed me off.
But I learned by copying other people's behaviour. There is an ebb and flow in any social interaction. Does your Asperger's mean that you can't read that flow at all or does it make it more difficult?

 

[TheSoulless]

I've had the same problem too. At some point I thought I have Asperger's, but I've never gone out of my way to get a diagnosis – I don't think I'm that far on the spectrum.

I was always the quiet kid, and couldn't really hold a conversation even a few years ago. Through a plethora of hardships in social interactions, and a lot of observation, I have kind of learned to do it. Most conversations don't really hold a value for me, though. I don't really it either. I often spend time gaming with my school friends and just laughing at some funny stuff, and that's enough for me.

 

[BabyYoda]

When it comes to interacting with most people in real life, I seem like I know nothing about social cues. There are only certain types of people that I really connect with. And that is why I treasure them.

It's not that I have trouble communicating or anything, it's just that my fucking brain won't allow me to process my thoughts to talk about to certain people.

 

[TAW122]

@Underscore My Aspergers makes it much more difficult than most people, and to some extent, I may be able to pick up some patterns of ebb and flow, but that's about it since I'm not really knowing how to interact but just reacting to a fixed pattern most of the time. I just don't understand the ebb and flow, only the pattern of it and copied that. The downside is that it seems fake and can easily be spotted so going to great efforts just to fit in or feel accepted isn't worth it. I've simply resigned the fact that I would never be like them, relate to them, or be accepted by them and pretty much just go about my own ways.

@TheSoulless Yeah I figured that most normie interactions aren't really anything special, just typical mundane stuff the majority of the time. Sometimes I do wish that could partake if I so choose to rather than be in a situation where I am unable to (even if I wanted to).

@BabyYoda I had similar problems too, I freeze and am unable to deliver what I want to say clearly at times. (In other words, I know what I am going to say but when I try to say it, it doesn't come out correctly or properly.) It sucks and is unfortunate.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I copied people's behaviour and was quite convincing. Eventually I learned to read things but part of that for me was growing older and gaining the experience and confidence.
Some people were convinced by the act. Some seemed to be but must have had a subconscious inkling that it was fake. A tiny number of people saw the act for what it was and saw beyond it to my real character.
Ironically for me, now that I have learned how to interact with people, I find myself in a place where I'm alone 90 percent of the time.
What a waste of effort!

 

[netrezven]

My opinion: trying to fit in social networks will keep you light years away from any kind of positive life/not just social one/.

 

[terry_a_davis]

Image boards like 4chan seem to be popular with autistic people.

 

[TAW122]

Image boards like 4chan seem to be popular with autistic people.

Yes, I heard of 4chan and other image boards similar to them. However, I don't think I'd really fit there and also there are some really NSFW content (not necessarily sexual but other stuff there too).

 

[terry_a_davis]

Yes, I heard of 4chan and other image boards similar to them. However, I don't think I'd really fit there and also there are some really NSFW content (not necessarily sexual but other stuff there too).

The image boards seem popular with people with issues such as social anxiety, autism etc. Autism is a common amongst subject amongst image board users who often tease each other on how autistic they are!

No harm is meant by this, in fact quite a lot of image board content is trolling and silly jokes. There is quite a bit of NSFW on sub boards (forums) like 'b' but there's sub boards like 'fit' that are meant for more serious discussion about fitness and will be SFW. There are sub boards for many interests.

Nearly all of the users choose to be anonymous (no usernames). It makes interaction easy, you can make a fool of yourself and it doesn't matter because no-one can trace it back to you. You won't make friends on image boards because it's anonymous but you can have interesting interactions. As well as 4chan there's a handful of image boards known as 'alt chans' that are similar to 4chan but have smaller userbases and even less rules (the only rule is no cp). I stick to the alt chans.

 

[terry_a_davis]

Yikes, why on Earth would you recommend 4chan? I admit it's an addiction that I'm ashamed of; I've used it since 2007. the majority of 4chan promotes extremely toxic, negative views that most people are better off not being exposed to, especially vulnurable, naive individuals on the spectrum who are more likely to fall victim to it.
I honestly feel it has damaged me more than it's helped. My self-worth and self esteem as a woman has suffered. I also now have extreme paranoia and feel I cannot trust men. Reading things that men post under the safety net of anonymity, what they really think, misogyny, perversions, secrets, confessing things they've done, etc. Which of course I know isn't healthy and that not all men are like that. Of course, I know. But I can never be sure.

I'm sorry it's effected you like that i know 4chan and similar chans are not for the faint hearted. I know what to take seriously and what to discount and what boards to use. Not all of the boards are against minorities, there's an lgbtq board for example, and the majority of the boards are SFW. It sounds like you mainly used /b/? (the random boards)
If you get easily offended then yes i'd stay away from the random boards. I personally like the anarchy and like getting into debates with the users who have prejudices.