I hope people don't get suspicious

[Braindead Atheist]

I wrote publicly that I gave up on art because there are no jobs for graphic designers. At least not with an Associates. Art also got me bullied by the mean principal at this elementary school, Holy Spirit. I used it to cope with my ADHD instead of losing my temper and she bullied me and humiliated me.

I went to a public elementary part time, we'll call it PC. At PC they had no idea what went on at Holy Spirit . I wrote a written letter to the principal at PC, we'll call her MM. Anyways, I taped the letter to the window at the school. I explained what happened at Holy Spirit and my career. I said that art destroyed me and that I was out of art to destroy, so I wanted her to give me back the art I made her so I could destroy that instead. I left her my number, and said that I wanted to arrange a time to meet for her to give me the art. I don't think she cares enough to help me in this situation, but it's whatever. Or she thinks I'll CTB.

People are stupid and can't understand my motives. They'll probably interpret my intentions as CTB. Thats always peoples go to. They think everyone who is despairing or frustrated wants to kill themselves. Yes I want to kill myself, but that isn't my intention right now. I plan CTB around May. I really don't feel anything right now other than I made the mistake of trying to talk to some idiot who doesn't care about me. Ever met someone who cares just because they have to? Like on condition? Yeah you get the picture.

I thought I'd make it in design big time and show the mean principal at Holy Spirit. I thought if I could do that, I could move on. But instead, art destroyed me. Success is to good of a thing to happen to someone like me. It's not in my stars, the universe only has failure, disappointment and abuse lined up for me. But I don't think I care anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that the unfortunate reality is that there is simply nothing fair about existing in this cruel, hellish world. Life is such a terrible thing as so many people suffer all through no fault of their own with it being very likely that what they go through will just get worse as time goes on.

And it's certainly true that other people very often make this world a much more awful place to exist in with the way that they unfairly treat others, so no wonder so many wish to die. I hope that you find freedom from all suffering when the time is right for you to leave.

 

[jay308]

Pursue what you like - Art , Graphics Designing etc. for yourself not to show it to anyone. Doesn't matter if you will make big or not , if you do it for yourself will make you feel much better and satisfied.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Honestly, I think creativity is as much a curse as it is a blessing. When you can do it and actually make enough money just to scrape by- it's the best thing in the world. (In my experience.) If you can't though, it's hard to explain to people just what it does to you.

I know friends and I know myself when we don't have that outlet anymore- the frustration is terrible. It's like the only purpose you actually had in life is gone. Everyone just thinks we're being melodramatic but there we go. I think artists are naturally obsessive.

I'm sorry you had this experience. I used Art as a coping mechanism too during some childhood crap. It's dramatic I know but it feels heartbreaking when you realise you might have to give up.

It's kind of a lame substitute but do you still do it as a hobby? I tried Etsy a few years back. It's not massively successful but at least it's something. My future looks like it's going to have to take a sensible turn soon... I simply need to earn more money. Still- I'm telling myself- even if I have to give up on my big dream, I might be able to keep a bit of my small dream alive... maybe

 

[Braindead Atheist]

Honestly, I think creativity is as much a curse as it is a blessing. When you can do it and actually make enough money just to scrape by- it's the best thing in the world. (In my experience.) If you can't though, it's hard to explain to people just what it does to you.

I know friends and I know myself when we don't have that outlet anymore- the frustration is terrible. It's like the only purpose you actually had in life is gone. Everyone just thinks we're being melodramatic but there we go. I think artists are naturally obsessive.

I'm sorry you had this experience. I used Art as a coping mechanism too during some childhood crap. It's dramatic I know but it feels heartbreaking when you realise you might have to give up.

It's kind of a lame substitute but do you still do it as a hobby? I tried Etsy a few years back. It's not massively successful but at least it's something. My future looks like it's going to have to take a sensible turn soon... I simply need to earn more money. Still- I'm telling myself- even if I have to give up on my big dream, I might be able to keep a bit of my small dream alive... maybe

I'm not even sure what I want anymore...but it does make a difference because I'm going to ctb anyway

 

[Braindead Atheist]

Update: she called my mom worried about me. Probably thinks I'll ctb.
Update: she called my mom worried about me. Probably thinks I'll ctb.