Discussion I haven't been able to shower for over two months. I feel disgusting.

[BitterlyAlive]

Has anyone else gone this long? I feel like such a freak. Part of it is because I've been cutting and really don't want to deal with all of that before/during/after a shower. It's too much effort. I'm also almost afraid to shower at this point.

I've been keeping myself presentable with baby powder for my hair and baby wipes for my body. But this is pathetic. Before this bout of depression, the longest I went without a shower was 3 weeks.

 

[qwerty32]

Start off small. Just go to the sink and wash your hands. Then your face....
Then next time, wash your face, hands, arms and use a hand towel on the body.
incremental steps.

 

[WinterFaust]

It can be so hard. I haven't showered in weeks and I've gone weeks between each time the worse I get. I also haven't been brushing my teeth which is an issue. I've never been this bad before and not doing the bare minimum to care for myself makes me feel more hopeless. You're not alone, I know the feeling and I've been so embarrassed to admit it. But it's great that you've been using wipes. I'm also watching this thread for support and tips.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Has anyone else gone this long? I feel like such a freak. Part of it is because I've been cutting and really don't want to deal with all of that before/during/after a shower. It's too much effort. I'm also almost afraid to shower at this point.

I've been keeping myself presentable with baby powder for my hair and baby wipes for my body. But this is pathetic. Before this bout of depression, the longest I went without a shower was 3 weeks.

Yes. I went for that long last year. Didn't brush teeth or change clothes or bedding. I was in physical pain and alone and deteriorating and gave up. Everything stank. I was afraid to shower too for fear of falling cuz by that time I was so weak from lack of food I had lost so much weight.

You need to get yourself out of this bit by bit or it will only get worse. It may be the hardest thing you have done, but you can do it. Take small steps and update us on here how you are going.

 

[Epsilon0]

I was lucky enough to have someone carry me to the shower when my chronic pain and fatigue flared up to the point that I could not move.

But I understand your situation... the helplessness.

I think the posters above offered you very good advice: start small, baby steps, maybe wash your face first, then take a rest, then attempt to wash your neck etc.

It's perfectly normal to feel fear when you haven't done something for a long time.

Go easy on yourself! You are going through something very difficult.

 

[Genetics]

Has anyone else gone this long? I feel like such a freak. Part of it is because I've been cutting and really don't want to deal with all of that before/during/after a shower. It's too much effort. I'm also almost afraid to shower at this point.

I've been keeping myself presentable with baby powder for my hair and baby wipes for my body. But this is pathetic. Before this bout of depression, the longest I went without a shower was 3 weeks.

I've never gone that long but I do go too long. I hate the thought of the effort of the whole things. Like it's a massive ordeal. Then once I get in the shower, which I use only 100% hot water, and get the washing done I feel so, so, so much better. Not just my physical body but my spirits too.

Do a little at a time like another poster suggested.
Monday - hands
Tuesday - face and neck
Wednesday - torso
Thursday - legs and feet
Friday - Hair
Take the weekends off!

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Yes. I went for that long last year. Didn't brush teeth or change clothes or bedding. I was in physical pain and alone and deteriorating and gave up. Everything stank. I was afraid to shower too for fear of falling cuz by that time I was so weak from lack of food I had lost so much weight.

You need to get yourself out of this bit by bit or it will only get worse. It may be the hardest thing you have done, but you can do it. Take small steps and update us on here how you are going.

I still haven't really done anything... I managed to floss yesterday and brushed my hair today. That's it. I'm so pathetic, I'm sorry...

 

[LittleJem]

Modafinil can help get me out of bed - it is worth trying to see if it helps motivation.

I haven't showered in two days or eaten - know it's not as bad as what you are going through, but big hugs.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I still haven't really done anything... I managed to floss yesterday and brushed my hair today. That's it. I'm so pathetic, I'm sorry...

Well, I've been there. Anything, no matter how small is a step in the right direction. Well done for flossing and brushing your hair. Keep doing that and build on it. It should get easier if you keep building on it.
Every positive thing you do helps to increase neurotransmitter levels in your brain which can make it progressively easier. Kind of like the weeding is easier if you keep on top of it and harder if you let it go then blitz it.
There's no magic solution and you'll still feel like crap but hopefully less like crap as long as you keep going.
Would actually writing down a plan/schedule help? Then force yourself to follow it even if you don't want to.

 

[Epsilon0]

I still haven't really done anything... I managed to floss yesterday and brushed my hair today. That's it. I'm so pathetic, I'm sorry...

Way to go! Not at all pathetic. The opposite.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Have you tried doing exercise at home? Maybe that motivates you to have a shower later.

 

[tothemoon]

Not sure this helps but showering every day (really more than once a week really) is very much just a social norm thing. Doesn't improve your hygeine one bit. Maybe we could come up with a way for you to shower? Like we can set up a time for you to do it and then we can ask you about it later? Not for blame or guilt but just so you know someone is asking you about it?

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Not sure this helps but showering every day (really more than once a week really) is very much just a social norm thing. Doesn't improve your hygeine one bit. Maybe we could come up with a way for you to shower? Like we can set up a time for you to do it and then we can ask you about it later? Not for blame or guilt but just so you know someone is asking you about it?

I appreciate the thought, really. Two of my friends already tried that though. We planned for me to take a shower a few days out, with me trying to take a warm bath in the day or two beforehand to ease myself into it. I couldn't do any of it. I felt horrible.

I really don't want to let you guys down, too.

Have you tried doing exercise at home? Maybe that motivates you to have a shower later.

I've taken the dog for a few walks. As disgusting as it is...I still can't do it. I think this has become a serious aversion.

Way to go! Not at all pathetic. The opposite.

Thank you. Really.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

Has anyone else gone this long? I feel like such a freak. Part of it is because I've been cutting and really don't want to deal with all of that before/during/after a shower. It's too much effort. I'm also almost afraid to shower at this point.

I've been keeping myself presentable with baby powder for my hair and baby wipes for my body. But this is pathetic. Before this bout of depression, the longest I went without a shower was 3 weeks.

i have the same problems, every time i'm able to get a shower after one month or more and i feel so disgusting.. so many problems for only one person, that's a lot. i'm hoping i'll die in this quarantine

 

[BitterlyAlive]

i have the same problems, every time i'm able to get a shower after one month or more and i feel so disgusting.. so many problems for only one person, that's a lot. i'm hoping i'll die in this quarantine

If I lived by myself, I would have made a serious attempt by now. I don't think you're disgusting, by the way. You're struggling and in pain, just like me and everyone else here. ❤

 

[letmeseethedeath]

If I lived by myself, I would have made a serious attempt by now. I don't think you're disgusting, by the way. You're struggling and in pain, just like me and everyone else here. ❤

thank you for the support unfortunately i live with my parents and my dad has cancer. i feel so bad for all this but yet i can't live anymore. i can't even watch myself in the mirror, i see myself ugly

 

[BitterlyAlive]

thank you for the support ❤ unfortunately i live with my parents and my dad has cancer. i feel so bad for all this but yet i can't live anymore. i can't even watch myself in the mirror, i see myself ugly

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Cancer is so scary. Just wanna say your feelings are completely valid. Sometimes I feel selfish for being suicidal, but I'm suffering and it's excruciating. If people can have an assisted death due to a terminal illness, people should be allowed to die by suicide...in my opinion, of course.

I struggle with looking in the mirror as well. I feel like some strange, misshapen creature. Sometimes I literally don't even recognize myself.

 

[Weightoftheworld]

Baby wipes are good! Have you thought about maybe a just warm bowl of water and a washcloth? I understand how overwhelming the whole process of a shower can be. Baby steps. Would you be able to get a shampoo cap? They're not the greatest but I had to use them when I was last in the hospital and I've used them on patients before, they somewhat get the job done. No matter what, each step forward you take is something to be proud of.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Baby wipes are good! Have you thought about maybe a just warm bowl of water and a washcloth? I understand how overwhelming the whole process of a shower can be. Baby steps. Would you be able to get a shampoo cap? They're not the greatest but I had to use them when I was last in the hospital and I've used them on patients before, they somewhat get the job done. No matter what, each step forward you take is something to be proud of.

I've definitely thought about those shampoo caps. I work at a hospital and have seen some of my patients use them. But my hair is rather thin, and tends to look...greasy when I try anything but baby powder. It's annoying.

I should try to use a warm washcloth tonight, maybe add a bit of soap. Thanks.

 

[MartyByrde]

You're not alone. I struggle with this more and more myself.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Way to go! Not at all pathetic. The opposite.

I was encouraged today, possibly due to sleep deprivation, and actually cleaned up a bit today. Someone here suggested a washcloth and a bowl of warm water. I was able to do it :) I feel somewhat clean and it's crazy. Even brushed my bangs back to their pre-MDD position. I almost looked normal.

Thanks for the support.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I was encouraged today, possibly due to sleep deprivation, and actually cleaned up a bit today. Someone here suggested a washcloth and a bowl of warm water. I was able to do it :) I feel somewhat clean and it's crazy. Even brushed my bangs back to their pre-MDD position. I almost looked normal.

Thanks for the support.

Cool! Feels better doesn't it? Even just a little bit. Keep going.

 

[Epsilon0]

I was encouraged today, possibly due to sleep deprivation, and actually cleaned up a bit today. Someone here suggested a washcloth and a bowl of warm water. I was able to do it :) I feel somewhat clean and it's crazy. Even brushed my bangs back to their pre-MDD position. I almost looked normal.

Thanks for the support.

Good luck! As you can see you are not the only one who has gone through something similar. There is life even after this... however hard it might be to believe.

 

[sunny.sativa]

There are already many answers here, but I wanted to say I'm proud of you for keeping on. You've been doing your best, alright? Cut yourself some slack <3

I know you don't want to (and trust me, I know how it feels) but I swear a shower would make you feel SO nice. Even a bath. If you think so, maybe try to wrap your wounds if it would hurt to much to clean them, and hop in for just a minute?

I wish you all the luck, and send you love. You're doing great.