Venting I have wanted to leave SS without success

[Judah]

About the title, everyone here knows a part of me, or at least who I am in theory, but no one (except for one user) knows me in practice. My problem is that whenever I feel like I'm screwing things up in a foolish and pointless way, I force myself to disassociate myself from every person, place or place where I've disclosed my stupid actions.

That's how I define it, stupid actions, like I said, everything I touch I destroy. Causing in me a series of detestable or toxic attitudes that, as much as I want, I can't leave.

So, I want to leave SS because I messed up or did some stupid things with other users here, my type of autism makes my mind so restless that it makes me think of thousands of things at once and hardly rest from that madness. I take no medication, I am always anxious or often euphoric, as if intoxicated.

The problem is that, I am also not able to leave SS voluntarily because I am so connected to this site that I feel like it helps me in my lonely moments.

So I wanted to vent this, I'm a mess even making friends or managing them

 

[WeepingWillow]

My feeling is if you're getting some benefit from the site, why leave? I wouldn't worry too much about what anyone else thinks. Besides, they may not actually feel that way after all. Just do what feels therapeutic and put yourself first.

Don't know the whole situation but like I said, forget them. Do you :)

 

[Judah]

My feeling is if you're getting some benefit from the site, why leave? I wouldn't worry too much about what anyone else thinks. Besides, they may not actually feel that way after all. Just do what feels therapeutic and put yourself first.

Don't know the whole situation but like I said, forget them. Do you :)

It's that everything I touch I destroy, my mind is a circus and I'm afraid to make a friendship again here to ruin it later in a stupid way, I want to cry

 

[Smart No More]

Was it you that started another forum? I signed up but forget the name of it. If its still up and running please jog my memory if you would.

 

[waitingforrest]

Whatever you do on this site, l won't ever hold it against you. Whatever mistakes or messups, there is still a person behind the screen that is on a suicide site for a reason, probably feeling the same as me, it would be hypocritcal for me to resent you because I probably have done the exact same screwups.

Everyone on here is already suffering in some way, holding resentment towards you will do nothing but make you feel more worse, making you hurt more over a mistake is just as bad as making mistakes. After all, how can I expect people to make amends if I never give them a chance in the first place.

And even if you don't forgive yourself or think you deserve it. I will always forgive you, I see no reason to make you hurt more when life is already hard to live. It's not worth it, it is already stressful overthinking and feeling like you are ruining friendships.

I'm a serial friendship ruiner, so I guess that makes two of us.

 

[Judah]

Was it you that started another forum?

Yeah

 

[Smart No More]

Yeah

Is it still up and in use? I meant to bookmark it.

 

[binturong]

I think I understand what you mean. I promised myself never to seek friendship again and never accept friendship offers but even simple communication causes anxiety. Communication causes me too many thoughts and emotions, it overloads the mind. I think I'm doomed to feel a lack of communication and at the same time always avoid because it leads to stress. Few where tried to communicate and always fail if there are too many anxieties and bad memories associated with communication, I have to leave. I'm afraid to screw up again and lose this place so I read the messages I only answer in my thoughts and even this is sometimes nervous .

 

[Judah]

Is it still up and in use? I meant to bookmark it.

Yes, but with a slight change, now it is dedicated to Spanish-speaking people, although it is already a large community, almost everyone does not feel comfortable migrating to the new forum, so the forum has only a few users

 

[FuneralCry]

Living really can be so painful as we cannot go back in time and change things and we have to live with the consequences of our actions. I know that this life can be awful when you suffer so much. I wish you relief from your pain.

 

[whatevs]

I wonder what's so embarrassing but obviously talking about it would trigger you.

What's better, short lived relationships or none at all? I don't know the answer either. IMO the only relationships worth anything need to be long term, otherwise it might be better to have none.

 

[JensenX]

About the title, everyone here knows a part of me, or at least who I am in theory, but no one (except for one user) knows me in practice. My problem is that whenever I feel like I'm screwing things up in a foolish and pointless way, I force myself to disassociate myself from every person, place or place where I've disclosed my stupid actions.

That's how I define it, stupid actions, like I said, everything I touch I destroy. Causing in me a series of detestable or toxic attitudes that, as much as I want, I can't leave.

So, I want to leave SS because I messed up or did some stupid things with other users here, my type of autism makes my mind so restless that it makes me think of thousands of things at once and hardly rest from that madness. I take no medication, I am always anxious or often euphoric, as if intoxicated.

The problem is that, I am also not able to leave SS voluntarily because I am so connected to this site that I feel like it helps me in my lonely moments.

So I wanted to vent this, I'm a mess even making friends or managing them

I've only been on here for a short time and only just started to post. It's understandable that you would find it difficult to leave this community because people here, looking death in the eye, are the most enlightened people you will find. They are not going through life pending everything is just fine. Where else are you going to find people who truly understand you and are not obsessed with fixing you and suggesting that you are broken? Don't you hate those types of people?