i have to overcome hope

[lovestained]

it's as if the SI are becoming mental too … i keep myself here time and time again because I convince myself that things can get better .. but they Don't !! im just tired of lying to myself and prolonging my suffering for no reason
i used to tell myself maybe something was "keeping me" but even if so .. I want Out !!
i don't know what it will take to get it through my thick skull that things Won't improve … im working on overcoming this hope and reminding myself its all a Lie
i have this belief that some people were just destined to die .. not sure if that's Dark or immoral … but I think im one of those people

 

[DivineSpark]

There is no hope for me, havent been for many years. Just pain, darkness and despair.

 

[Hazrakaht]

hope feels like my final SI. despite everything i guess ive always been an optimist, but in a weird way because ill believe things will get better for other people just not me. sometimes it felt like some of their luck might rub off on me but really it never has. nothing is really keeping me here but desire, desire that things will get better, i've already let go of so many other desires and soon i'll let go of that last one and be at peace.

 

[lovestained]

There is no hope for me, havent been for many years. Just pain, darkness and despair.

i hope you're able to find some :-( not sure if that would put you in a better or worse position .. whatever happens I hope you find happiness somewhere

 

[DivineSpark]

i hope you're able to find some :-( not sure if that would put you in a better or worse position .. whatever happens I hope you find happiness somewhere

For things to get better, it would require miracle.

 

[lovestained]

hope feels like my final SI. despite everything i guess ive always been an optimist, but in a weird way because ill believe things will get better for other people just not me. sometimes it felt like some of their luck might rub off on me but really it never has. nothing is really keeping me here but desire, desire that things will get better, i've already let go of so many other desires and soon i'll let go of that last one and be at peace.

yes!! I wholeheartedly agree i am an Optimist at heart but it's causing me so much pain .. sometimes i even think things can improve for me but they never do . i don't know why i try

 

[Hazrakaht]

yes!! I wholeheartedly agree i am an Optimist at heart but it's causing me so much pain .. sometimes i even think things can improve for me but they never do . i don't know why i try

same :/

 

[mirrorman2]

it's as if the SI are becoming mental too … i keep myself here time and time again because I convince myself that things can get better .. but they Don't !! im just tired of lying to myself and prolonging my suffering for no reason
i used to tell myself maybe something was "keeping me" but even if so .. I want Out !!
i don't know what it will take to get it through my thick skull that things Won't improve … im working on overcoming this hope and reminding myself its all a Lie
i have this belief that some people were just destined to die .. not sure if that's Dark or immoral … but I think im one of those people

there's a part of our brain that wants to fix things. we're really quite amazing creatures when it comes to facing adversity, mentally and physically. that part of your brain will tell you that's something's only temporary, or give you a new perspective on some emotional pain, or craft a plan for recovery or improvement without you even knowing you're trying to improve your situation. this is the survival instinct within our psychologies, the lizard brain that wants to prolong and protect our lives. but when you've come to a reasoned desire for suicide, this mental process is counterproductive. when suicide is your goal, your subconscious will start pulling out all the tricks, to get you to correct your path. whether this is a positive or negative thing is up to you. but when you've made your choice and am simply going through the motions until then, the optimism can be even more emotionally painful than dejection, knowing that there's no point in improving your life when you'll be gone.

 

[lovestained]

there's a part of our brain that wants to fix things. we're really quite amazing creatures when it comes to facing adversity, mentally and physically. that part of your brain will tell you that's something's only temporary, or give you a new perspective on some emotional pain, or craft a plan for recovery or improvement without you even knowing you're trying to improve your situation. this is the survival instinct within our psychologies, the lizard brain that wants to prolong and protect our lives. but when you've come to a reasoned desire for suicide, this mental process is counterproductive. when suicide is your goal, your subconscious will start pulling out all the tricks, to get you to correct your path.

is it like this for everyone though? ive seen others on the forum talk about how if you're not 100% sure then Don't do it .. but can you ever be 100% if your brain will do this ??

 

[mirrorman2]

is it like this for everyone though? ive seen others on the forum talk about how if you're not 100% sure then Don't do it .. but can you ever be 100% if your brain will do this ??

you will never be 100% about anything. don't get me wrong i am not encouraging you to commit suicide, it would be really great if you didn't!

but there's a part of our brain that understands and processes things the conscious does not. i like to believe it's your humanity, or soul or whatever, your ability to emotionally reason with yourself and your situation in order to stay fit to your environment. i believe in 99% of cases this is a positive thing that leads people out of suicidality.

it's when you've come to a reasoned acceptance and desire for death that it can become counterproductive. optimism when you're this deep down the suicidal rabbit hole is your subconscious lying to you to keep you around, in the same way friends or family would manipulate you to stay. it quite honestly fucks me up to think about how i have this process in my psychology that is actively plotting against what i know is best for me.