Venting I have therapy again today and I'm not ready

[trying ungracefully]

I am so ashamed. I haven't done exposures for like 2-3 weeks and it just feels like shit because I want to. The last time I went outside I came home crying that I hate leaving the house because of people. I think it broke something in me again and made me revert progress.

I have individual first and then group later so it is going to be a lot. I have to talk about it twice and feel the shame twice and once in a group setting. The last week with group I just didn't go and I also didn't have individual too so I didn't have to deal with it. I wanted to cancel again but I am forcing myself to go because I know I need it and maybe it will get me back to doing things.

I really don't want to take the bus today though and I really don't want to get on the bus again this week. But that's life I just have to do it. I really wish I learned to drive and my parents were the type to gift me a car at 16 lol. I am going to still learn to drive that is just a bigger fear because I could kill someone. People are stupid where I live the will walk with no care like they want to get hit. People are just living with no awareness of themselves or others in general from what I've seen. That's a big part of why I hate going outside. Because on the opposite end you have fuckers who can't mind their business at all. Idk which is worse.

I do hope that therapy today helps me I just really hate starting it and the process of it.

 

[BeanCurd]

How did it go, if you've had it now? I hope it was helpful to talk to your therapist about it, and that they helped you process it It's perfectly normal for progress not to be linear.