I'm sorry they cheated :-( I've had this happen to me too and it's devastating, particularly if you've never been in a relationship with anyone else. I won't trivialise what you are experiencing, I basically lost my mind after I discovered what my first love did behind my back. All I can say is, please believe me, it does get better over time. I know, time is not something you can exactly take a detour round and that can make it feel all the more daunting.
What is the situation? Do you live together and/or are still together?
I'm really sorry you are experiencing this :-( I can remember how it felt for me and the thing I wish I could go back and tell myself back then? "You will make it through this and there are equally if not far more wonderful people in your future you will love just as much"
I might not have believed it but it did turn out to be true!
EDIT: Huh, it's doing that append to the last post thing, not sure what I'm getting wrong?
Are you still there Nihilism44? Here to talk if you want to, don't keep things bottled up! :-)
Thankyou so much for your response. I did read it last night and it did make me feel a lot better. I've had no energy to respond, but I went to work today and tried to function like a normal person. Hopefully, the bad thoughts don't come back as strongly tonight.
We did live together last year, but we both moved back in with our parents to save some money for a better place. We had a tour scheduled for this week actually. I have no idea what I'm going to do. Unfortunately, this has happened before, and this time it is much worse. I have to leave him. I feel empty but I hope I can turn this around into something positive once this pain subsides. I just don't know how to be by myself.
I just can't believe he did this.
I know it's easier said than done, but don't do something impulsive. This is very much a permanent solution whether your problems are temporary or not. You need to think it through and be sure with the calmest mind you can muster. Regardless of when you first contemplated catching the bus, I strongly encourage you to wait a while after such a huge loss - months maybe.
Thankyou for your kind words. I realized I was letting my emotion get the best of me last night, so I took some sleep meds (the correct amount, sry dark humor) and actually got some fairly good sleep. <3
five years is such a long time. can i try to imagine what the cheating feels like too you? i am thinking about how powerful love is and how having a future with someone makes life feel like it's worth living. life makes sense. but their betrayal feels like they're cutting you out of your life, and that the trust that you had in them is now broken: thoughts like, "what else are they not telling me? i thought they loved me, but i guess they don't".
it feels like all the foundation that you built your life on in the future is crumbling, and there doesn't feel like there's a life you can build now.
-- did i get any of that right? what parts did i get wrong? you can feel free to correct me or tell me more. i'll read whatever you write, and i'm interested in what you have to say. broken relationships hurt so much; it's part of what drives my own suidiality.
Thankyou so much. I appreciate you willing to listen and write such a nice response to me, a stranger about my personal problems. That's why I love this community so much.
Anyways, you pretty much captured my feelings perfectly. I feel like everything that I was living for has crumbled. When I would think about ctb due to my horrible mental health and bad life circumstance, the future that we had planned kept me going. He's my world (or was, I guess). I was already going through a horrible depressive episode, so this is really testing my strength. I'm going to try my best to hold on and see if things get better. Maybe I'll find myself and come out of this better than before since I haven't really had a life separate from him since I was 15. I'm trying to be a bit optimistic today to keep myself from falling apart.
