I'm 21 years old this year and I've never gone on a date or had a girlfriend. I'm always told to just be patient and wait for the right person to come, that there's someone for everyone. But I'm just so tired of waiting all the time for something that will never even happen. Everything about me is just so wrong, nothing in me is worth loving. My looks, personality, the way I act, the way I think, the way I present myself. I'm just so rotten to the core and I'm unlovable in every way imaginable. I'm no one's favourite, never a priority, only a side character in everyone's life. Everyone says I'm a good person and I would make such a good boyfriend, but no one would ever give me a chance. I'm only able to watch other people being happy in a relationship while I drown in loneliness that's slowly killing me from the inside. I'm so desperate for love and affection but I never get it, it makes me feel like an absolute failure and the lowest form of life on earth. I only want the best for everyone around me, but for some reason I'm always shoved away because of that, and called an incel and a creep. I don't know how to fix myself, because no one is ever honest with me. People just tell me sweet lies that I will find someone, that it's not embarrasing at all to be a 20 year old virgin, instead of telling me the truth and saying just what makes me so fucking fundamentally unloveable in the first place. This is literal hell, a torture that I would never wish on anyone.
Same at 25. Aside from a little gay sex (forced, I'm unfortunately straight and just unable to get pussy). Everything you say is pretty relatable. I would say though, what's gotten me over sadness is questioning what I really want out of being loved. What exactly is it that you'd get out of that? Of course we all want love in the ideal sense, with the perfect partner and perfect circumstances. But I take in comfort in the thought that this is probably rare or nonexistent. Everyone is ugly if you get to know them long enough, and no one will get you more than you get yourself.
Also, there's love out there that you won't take. You want love, but not from an ugly girl, or a really annoying one, or whatever. Girls have given me chances but I rejected them because they weren't what I wanted. I rejected love that was offered to me, then turn around and complain that I've never been loved. But a beggar can't be a chooser. And there I go choosing, so how can I be mad that I've not been loved? That's one thing with incels- there's probably someone out there who would fuck you, but you just don't want them. Which in a sense just makes you the same as everybody else.
Think about it though, girls are annoying as hell. I won't sugar coat it, the touch and affection of a woman gives a certain joy that no amount of fooling yourself into contentment can replace. but you see guys all over sacrificing so much to have that female affection, that makes you really question the trade off. You can get the addictive company of the opposite sex, but you have to deal with so much bullshit that comes along with it. It comes along with so much, work, so much baggage. I may be fooling myself, but I feel I would almost rather not be needy, even if it means maybe not all my needs are getting met. I'd rather stand secure while alone, even if not totally happy.
Girls are annoying as hell though, think about it. Talk to a real one and really think about it. There's nothing to want, if you take a moment to look at it carefully. Your body tells you a lot of conflicting messages. But think about the value of temporary excitement versus lasting peace.
The problem at the age of 21 is that unless you've had good fortune and are a stud in some way, no girl wants you. Realize it's a universal experience. It's more universal than just internet boards. It's a universal male experience, not just a universal incel experience. You don't want the company of girls who want nothing to do with you.
The good news is maybe when you're 30, you'll have money and some wisdom of the years under your belt, and then is when 20 year old girls might want to fuck you. That can be a motivator. But I'd also say it's reasonable to not want to wait around that long. It's valid to want to die because you'll never experience teenage romance. Not a good enough reason in my book, but it's valid to feel that way at least. That sucks!! Life is so unfair, some people get laid in middle school, and have all kinds of fun in highschool, and others are just horribly depressed this whole time, not enjoying themselves at all. I won't tell you it all evens out in the end, that may not be the case.
