Venting I have kids!!

[DazedNLost]

I have 2 daughters and they both love me so much and I know that. But I'm reality I have so many issues. Mentally and physically with my health. I'm a stay at home mom and I'm engaged. I'm sure he doesn't want to be with me I think he's around bc I have so much going on he doesn't want to be the bad guy and leave me. I planned to do it Valentine's night. But unfortunately someone really close to me beat me to it. I feel like I wasted my chance. My bday just passed I wanted to do it then just so they don't have to be sad over me on different dates. I want them to forget about me. My oldest is 8 I think I have waited too long. I hate this suffering and want to finally finish this off while I have the balls. I have been trying since I was like 15 and either back out or fail and just end up sick. But I'm so tired I don't want to do this anymore. Am I just being selfish? Do I stick it out for the girls or do I figure out another way to do it and just go on.

 

[Final Escape]

I have 2 daughters and they both love me so much and I know that. But I'm reality I have so many issues. Mentally and physically with my health. I'm a stay at home mom and I'm engaged. I'm sure he doesn't want to be with me I think he's around bc I have so much going on he doesn't want to be the bad guy and leave me. I planned to do it Valentine's night. But unfortunately someone really close to me beat me to it. I feel like I wasted my chance. My bday just passed I wanted to do it then just so they don't have to be sad over me on different dates. I want them to forget about me. My oldest is 8 I think I have waited too long. I hate this suffering and want to finally finish this off while I have the balls. I have been trying since I was like 15 and either back out or fail and just end up sick. But I'm so tired I don't want to do this anymore. Am I just being selfish? Do I stick it out for the girls or do I figure out another way to do it and just go on.

I hate to call u selfish because I'm assuming that you must be in a lot of pain. I doubt anybody really wants to bail out on their kids as a selfish move. Ok some people might but I think u probably love them a lot from the post. What will happen to the girls if u ctb? Have u tried to look into that at all? The foster care system is very dangerous for young kids and rife with abuse so I hope you will have someone to care for them who u can trust. What makes you feel sure that, that guy doesn't really want to be with u? What signs is he displaying?

 

[DazedNLost]

I'm not offended that you call me selfish bc I honestly feel that way. They have my mom and there dad that loves them. But it's just me. I'm always sick I have like 3 major medical issues that are related to my blood and genetics. So i really have no control. I also have severe complex PTSD from previous rape and abuse. I was abused as a child and I have been isolated from people for the past few years. My girls are always with me and they have no life because of me. I feel like I'm just dragging everyone down. I don't know what to do. Bc of my blood disorder I can't take psych meds. I have difficulty breathing so even managing with cannibas is difficult. I'm so tired

 

[Final Escape]

I'm not offended that you call me selfish bc I honestly feel that way. They have my mom and there dad that loves them. But it's just me. I'm always sick I have like 3 major medical issues that are related to my blood and genetics. So i really have no control. I also have severe complex PTSD from previous rape and abuse. I was abused as a child and I have been isolated from people for the past few years. My girls are always with me and they have no life because of me. I feel like I'm just dragging everyone down. I don't know what to do. Bc of my blood disorder I can't take psych meds. I have difficulty breathing so even managing with cannibas is difficult. I'm so tired

Sounds like a tough situation. Psych meds, you might be better off not on them anyway. What are the medical issues besides the complex ptsd? I have complex ptsd as well, untreated but to a degree I can cope with it better these days. I've just learned to accept that I'm goin to have some limitations with that and I'll be triggered into emotional flashbacks from time to time. It's not hopeless for u, I have to run I'll be back :)

 

[Ashpac]

If you ever wanna chat I'm here for you. It doesn't mean much but I'll gladly listen. I don't have much time left before i try SN but I'll try to listen. Sorry for your pain.