Venting I have every chemical needed to OD on.

[m4rius]

Yet I can't fucking kill myself, not now.

I am still clinging onto my hope. Hope of finding a way out.

It is so painful when you're stuck in the middle. Too hopeful and ambitious to die, yet too anxious to carry on with your life, to shrug off every emotional issue. I am cursed with subpar brain genetics and early childhood environment.

I wish the causes of my mental disorders were few and a lot more straightforward. I could've treated myself by now, but nah, treating general anxiety can be very difficult when genetics are involved. Nothing really works for me so far.

The only source of contentment that I can currently get, is by helping others. To guide them, to ease their own trauma. It fills me with warmth. Nothing distracts me more than knowing I managed to change someone's life to an extent. Where I can care for someone while I figure out my own shit.

This year is indeed my last, and that's ok.

 

[salieri]

I'm sorry you feel this way I don't really know what you are going through but if you think there is hope then there is you just need to stick around to find it.

 

[Naro]

Hey I relate to you alot thats exactly how I live my life I want to help as many people as possible before I take my own life though I feel like there is some confort on being on the other end of that I have always wondered what it feels like to be the person guided but it might not be in the stars for me

 

[m4rius]

I'm sorry you feel this way I don't really know what you are going through but if you think there is hope then there is you just need to stick around to find it.

It could be false hope.

Hey, at least I have the necessary plans to get my answer. That's something that does bring me comfort too. All I need to do is proceed with my plans and give it time, eventually a conclusion will be found as not much time is needed to be given. I'd say 6-9 months to figure out if I can be saved.

 

[salieri]

It could be false hope.

Hey, at least I have the necessary plans to get my answer. That's something that does bring me comfort too. All I need to do is proceed with my plans and give it time, eventually a conclusion will be found as not much time is needed to be given. I'd say 6-9 months to figure out if I can be saved.

You can always be saved there is always another angle it may take time but I believe you will find hope somewhere

 

[m4rius]

I have always wondered what it feels like to be the person guided but it might not be in the stars for me

I bet it feels great, very comforting. To know you actually have someone that cares about your existence without any strings attached.

Someone that is willing to research and try their best to see what can be done for you. Something that a usual therapist cannot really do due to legal limitations. (Drug-guided, licensed therapy beyond antidepressants is quite limited where I am from, for example.)

In general, having someone you know personally, caring for you in that aspect is pretty cool. But very rare.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring being trapped in that situation, but anyway I wish you the best. Life really is so unnecessarily cruel, but I can imagine that it must be a relief having a reliable plan to exit this world.

 

[vaguebluur]

Yet I can't fucking kill myself, not now.

I am still clinging onto my hope. Hope of finding a way out.

It is so painful when you're stuck in the middle. Too hopeful and ambitious to die, yet too anxious to carry on with your life, to shrug off every emotional issue. I am cursed with subpar brain genetics and early childhood environment.

I wish the causes of my mental disorders were few and a lot more straightforward. I could've treated myself by now, but nah, treating general anxiety can be very difficult when genetics are involved. Nothing really works for me so far.

The only source of contentment that I can currently get, is by helping others. To guide them, to ease their own trauma. It fills me with warmth. Nothing distracts me more than knowing I managed to change someone's life to an extent. Where I can care for someone while I figure out my own shit.

This year is indeed my last, and that's ok.

This is like reading a thread from my self, my heart goes out to you I'm in the same situation, I know it doesn't mean much but your not alone with it these feeling