Venting I have been poor for my entire life

[depressedexwriter]

Like, 'squatting in an apartment with a bunch of drug addicts' poor. But I never did 'hard' drugs. I can't figure anything out. I feel like an alien, or a machine that cannot repair itself and breaks down a little more each day. My friends are successful: they own multiple properties, or have hundreds of thousands of dollars on hand, or are moving up in their careers or getting married. Meanwhile I can barely hold down a job and I only ever seem to get the shit jobs that keep me in poverty.

I have a family, but they can't understand. They have money. My sibling remodeled their bathroom, spending $40k+ meanwhile I'm on food stamps.

The worst is when someone says, "You just need to ~manifest~! The universe will give you whatever you want!" I know manifesting doesn't work because whenever someone says this to me I try to manifest them to shut the fuck up but they never do.

I used to be a writer. I used to have a job that, though it had its downsides, was something I enjoyed and did reasonably well at. I don't know how much the pandemic is to blame but that sure as hell was a downturn in my life. Now I just want to drink all the time and die. There's probably people that will miss me. I try to maintain the outward appearance of a functional person. I'm probably too judgmental and picky about the work I do. Shit sucks, what can I say?

 

[Judah]

I'm sorry to hear this, out there everything is a mess, the economy, unemployment... the capitalist system is not so perfect after all, I was born in a poor country, and somehow I had to manage to get a decent life , but seeing how things are turning out today makes me want CTB.

 

[Judy Garland]

Like, 'squatting in an apartment with a bunch of drug addicts' poor. But I never did 'hard' drugs. I can't figure anything out. I feel like an alien, or a machine that cannot repair itself and breaks down a little more each day. My friends are successful: they own multiple properties, or have hundreds of thousands of dollars on hand, or are moving up in their careers or getting married. Meanwhile I can barely hold down a job and I only ever seem to get the shit jobs that keep me in poverty.

I have a family, but they can't understand. They have money. My sibling remodeled their bathroom, spending $40k+ meanwhile I'm on food stamps.

The worst is when someone says, "You just need to ~manifest~! The universe will give you whatever you want!" I know manifesting doesn't work because whenever someone says this to me I try to manifest them to shut the fuck up but they never do.

I used to be a writer. I used to have a job that, though it had its downsides, was something I enjoyed and did reasonably well at. I don't know how much the pandemic is to blame but that sure as hell was a downturn in my life. Now I just want to drink all the time and die. There's probably people that will miss me. I try to maintain the outward appearance of a functional person. I'm probably too judgmental and picky about the work I do. Shit sucks, what can I say?

Wow does this parallel my life. Same here, all friends are living in newly remodeled homes, having children, etc. Tired of all of it...

 

[watchingthewheels]

The worst is when someone says, "You just need to ~manifest~! The universe will give you whatever you want!" I know manifesting doesn't work because whenever someone says this to me I try to manifest them to shut the fuck up but they never do.

Ah, the old "Law of Attraction" bunk. Metaphysical gobbledegook, for the most part.
Still, there's something to be said about changing your tactics/mindset. If I may make a suggestion: If you're a writer, can you type fast? If so, you may be able to utilize a temp agency and get some data entry/office work. I know it's not a "writing" job, but maybe it can lead to something that can at least utilize those skills, like copywriting/proposal writing, etc. (Better than being a "starving artist", at least?), especially in this economy, with inflation, and all. At the least, it might get you out of minimum wage jobs, and let you be able to write at night or something...

 

[depressedexwriter]

Ah, the old "Law of Attraction" bunk. Metaphysical gobbledegook, for the most part.
Still, there's something to be said about changing your tactics/mindset. If I may make a suggestion: If you're a writer, can you type fast? If so, you may be able to utilize a temp agency and get some data entry/office work. I know it's not a "writing" job, but maybe it can lead to something that can at least utilize those skills, like copywriting/proposal writing, etc. (Better than being a "starving artist", at least?), especially in this economy, with inflation, and all. At the least, it might get you out of minimum wage jobs, and let you be able to write at night or something...

This would be solid advice if I were still trying to make this 'life' thing work. Except I don't think I really am. I've been low-key driven insane after a lifetime of not fitting in, of missing my opportunities, of watching others succeed where I keep failing. Like yeah it would be nice to afford some better food but I just don't see it working out -- whatever, my mentality sucks. Whatever.

 

[LostAllHope88]

The worst is when someone says, "You just need to ~manifest~! The universe will give you whatever you want!" I know manifesting doesn't work because whenever someone says this to me I try to manifest them to shut the fuck up but they never do.

This gave me a good laugh

 

[VoidDesirer22]

The worst is when someone says, "You just need to ~manifest~! The universe will give you whatever you want!" I know manifesting doesn't work because whenever someone says this to me I try to manifest them to shut the fuck up but they never do.

Best thing I've read on this forum all week.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I feel your pain. I wasn't even good enough to be a writer or anything else. Just shit jobs til I die.
If there is anything that needs to be cancelled in this culture... It needs to be me.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds very horrible what you are going through, I'm sorry that you are suffering. In this life many people are disadvantaged through no fault of their own. It is all so unfair. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[NormaJeane]

Like, 'squatting in an apartment with a bunch of drug addicts' poor. But I never did 'hard' drugs. I can't figure anything out. I feel like an alien, or a machine that cannot repair itself and breaks down a little more each day. My friends are successful: they own multiple properties, or have hundreds of thousands of dollars on hand, or are moving up in their careers or getting married. Meanwhile I can barely hold down a job and I only ever seem to get the shit jobs that keep me in poverty.

I have a family, but they can't understand. They have money. My sibling remodeled their bathroom, spending $40k+ meanwhile I'm on food stamps.

The worst is when someone says, "You just need to ~manifest~! The universe will give you whatever you want!" I know manifesting doesn't work because whenever someone says this to me I try to manifest them to shut the fuck up but they never do.

I used to be a writer. I used to have a job that, though it had its downsides, was something I enjoyed and did reasonably well at. I don't know how much the pandemic is to blame but that sure as hell was a downturn in my life. Now I just want to drink all the time and die. There's probably people that will miss me. I try to maintain the outward appearance of a functional person. I'm probably too judgmental and picky about the work I do. Shit sucks, what can I say?

Money, money, money must be funny in the rich man´s world, sang ABBA. We have world poverty because humanity left life in nature.

 

[romanholidaydionysu]

Struggling to find meaning in anything, including life, seems to lead to this. The people who get ahead and seem to gather themselves seem to all have things worth living and dying for. Those of us who have been empty since childhood find no such motivation, and just seem to drift endlessly away from everything, including the friends and families we used to hold dear. There seems to be no real solution, as medication can only dull the emotions which push us over the edge. We're left even more apathetic than before. In my case, the only things which seem even remotely interesting and engaging these days are absurdism and struggle, both of which keep me firmly in the area of treading water. Death appeals to me, especially after positive experiences of being dead, but the past has also (clearly) taught me that it's weirdly hard to achieve. Does this line up with anyone else's experiences?

 

[Superdeterminist]

It's all luck. I am so sure of this. Many people hate this conclusion and think it's just because I want to be lazy and make excuses. No. I have seen over and over how "right place, right time" is just so important for so many things. Or indeed its opposite, "wrong place, wrong time".