Venting I have been hoping for at least 1 successfull thing before I ctb

[Haku]

For the majority of my life, I have always failed at everything, I'd always fall, but I get back up. In mid 2018, is when I decided that I am too fucking exhausted to get back up. Flash forward to October 2019, I met a member of SS named Gorgon, who wanted a friend, but later, dropped a big load on my lap. I wanted to save her, not from ctb, but from tragedy, but I failed. I guess i got sucked into being a failure again. But apparently to Gorgon, i didnt fail her, in some ways, she said I saved her, she gave me words of praise, praise that I dont feel like I deserve, but then she gave me some words of inspiration, and I felt better, but still sad, but when Gorgon left us, I felt glad for her. She doesnt have to go through that trauma anymore, in a way, it was half success, but also half failure. Fast forward to present day. I have found another kind, but damaged soul, and nothing wrong with being broken, most broken things are very beautiful, as if this soul. The body is broken, but the mind far exceeds it in damages. This is a soul I wish to repair, not completely fix, to keep the beauty you must leave it mostly how it is, but the mind of the soul, so ctb is still on the table, but first the repair. There seems to be something wedged in the crack of the cranium, my hero tweezers dont seem to be doing the job. Its seems like an easy fix, but, it's like the soul does not want to let go. How strange. I try to groom the soul as kindly as possible, but doesnt work, and then I put on the heavy duty gloves, to try and pull the foreign object with all my might, but it just doesnt seem to want to budge. I feel like I'm at a loss, this kindred spirit, that knows it's a kindred spirit, does not want to let go of what is making it sick. I care four this soul very much, and that doesnt really seem to matter I guess, so I guess I'll be accepting the award for the worlds most failures, when I arrive to the gates of the underworld, alone, without that soul. I am not angry, I am sad for this soul, in order for it to be at peace at lif off, this soul needs to let go of the malice that has a hold of its mind. But it doesn't want to. So I cry, not for myself, but for the soul. I really wanted to save it, but I guess it's just my final failure before I get on that bus.

 

[Thanatos]

Not every soul can be saved. You sincerely tried which is more than most would do. Regardless of the end result I wouldn't call this a failure, in fact I commend you

 

[Haku]

Not every soul can be saved. You sincerely tried which is more than most would do. Regardless of the end result I wouldn't call this a failure, in fact I commend you

Thank you, its hard for me to see it that way, not sure why, but I really appreciate your words

 

[Rachel74]

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. So be kind to yourself please @Haku

 

[Haku]

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. So be kind to yourself please @Haku

Thank you, Rachel74, I will try my best

 

[azucaramargo]

For the majority of my life, I have always failed at everything, I'd always fall, but I get back up. In mid 2018, is when I decided that I am too fucking exhausted to get back up. Flash forward to October 2019, I met a member of SS named Gorgon, who wanted a friend, but later, dropped a big load on my lap. I wanted to save her, not from ctb, but from tragedy, but I failed. I guess i got sucked into being a failure again. But apparently to Gorgon, i didnt fail her, in some ways, she said I saved her, she gave me words of praise, praise that I dont feel like I deserve, but then she gave me some words of inspiration, and I felt better, but still sad, but when Gorgon left us, I felt glad for her. She doesnt have to go through that trauma anymore, in a way, it was half success, but also half failure. Fast forward to present day. I have found another kind, but damaged soul, and nothing wrong with being broken, most broken things are very beautiful, as if this soul. The body is broken, but the mind far exceeds it in damages. This is a soul I wish to repair, not completely fix, to keep the beauty you must leave it mostly how it is, but the mind of the soul, so ctb is still on the table, but first the repair. There seems to be something wedged in the crack of the cranium, my hero tweezers dont seem to be doing the job. Its seems like an easy fix, but, it's like the soul does not want to let go. How strange. I try to groom the soul as kindly as possible, but doesnt work, and then I put on the heavy duty gloves, to try and pull the foreign object with all my might, but it just doesnt seem to want to budge. I feel like I'm at a loss, this kindred spirit, that knows it's a kindred spirit, does not want to let go of what is making it sick. I care four this soul very much, and that doesnt really seem to matter I guess, so I guess I'll be accepting the award for the worlds most failures, when I arrive to the gates of the underworld, alone, without that soul. I am not angry, I am sad for this soul, in order for it to be at peace at lif off, this soul needs to let go of the malice that has a hold of its mind. But it doesn't want to. So I cry, not for myself, but for the soul. I really wanted to save it, but I guess it's just my final failure before I get on that bus.

You're incredibly strong and insightful. You are a great success story.