Venting I have an incurable illness

[whatevs]

Since 2011 I don't rest at night and every year I'm more exhausted. Lately talking to online acquaitances has become part of an unsurmountable checklist. I'm half-dead at best. Suicide will come regardless of anything else if this isn't solved somehow. I will not be able to hold a job or just do anything with my days but lie down with my hands glued to the phone.

I can't even masturbate properly anymore, I'm truly a husk lol

So for me it's a physical illness. Interrumpted or limited sleep has always been a cheap and simple way to torture people, as Solzhenitsyn said. In terms of what I tried, doctors or supplement companies have been expensive dealers of false hope.

Everything is taken from you when you don't rest for enough time, and I mean everything worldy, which to most people equals everything. Smarts, wit, looks, libido, drive... At least I have a vague sense of spirituality.

 

[GentleJerk]

That must be real tough, especially finding that nothing really helps. I have moderate insomnia, and bad sleeping patterns. But if it gets too much, a large meal and a giant session of some heavy indica knocks me out. But I'm lucky to know someone who has a mother plant she selected out of many different genetics over the years, that stands out as amazing night time meds. So I get bud off her when she decides to run a tent with the afghani from time to time, and having that around solves my problem.

That's one of the biggest benefits of cultivation, you can search for the plants that have the effects you need and like, and keep them as mothers. I know a guy who has a white widow mother that he's kept alive for over 20 years and it's still just as good as the day he cloned it. It's tiny too, he trims it's roots and keeps it like a bonsai.

Out of all the dozens of different strains over the years, this one Afghan Kush mumma of hers is an incredibly powerful night time med, probably the best I've ever had. Afghan kush in particular is known for being a heavy couch-lock hashplant that produces the kind of medicine which is really good for eating and sleeping, but this girl is like some pure knock-out, night night smoke.

Years ago I lived with a friend for a while who was/is a hardcore insomniac, and fsr likes to make sure no one else can sleep if he's awake, and yes it was like torture. I think his insomia rubbed off on me actually.

Anyway I hope you find some reprieve.

 

[whatevs]

That must be real tough, especially finding that nothing really helps. I have moderate insomnia, and bad sleeping patterns. But if it gets too much, a large meal and a giant session of some heavy indica knocks me out. But I'm lucky to know someone who has a mother plant she selected out of many different genetics over the years, that stands out as amazing night time meds. So I get bud off her when she decides to run a tent with the afghani from time to time, and having that around solves my problem.

That's one of the biggest benefits of cultivation, you can search for the plants that have the effects you need and like, and keep them as mothers. I know a guy who has a white widow mother that he's kept alive for over 20 years and it's still just as good as the day he cloned it. It's tiny too, he trims it's roots and keeps it like a bonsai.

Out of all the dozens of different strains over the years, this one Afghan Kush mumma of hers is an incredibly powerful night time med, probably the best I've ever had. Afghan kush in particular is known for being a heavy couch-lock hashplant that produces the kind of medicine which is really good for eating and sleeping, but this girl is like some pure knock-out, night night smoke.

Years ago I lived with a friend for a while who was/is a hardcore insomniac, and fsr likes to make sure no one else can sleep if he's awake, and yes it was like torture. I think his insomia rubbed off on me actually.

Anyway I hope you find some reprieve.

My energy levels are so pitiful that my last month's project of smoking weed or growing it went to the trash when I started a programming job, which I think I will have to drop, disappointing everyone, from my family to who recruited me and my immediate boss who has been patient with me. I have no energy left after work for anything.

But I keep this option in mind. I cannot be that hard. It's another thing to throw money at trying not to kill myself.

 

[GasMonkey]

Since 2011 I don't rest at night and every year I'm more exhausted

Sleep apnea?

 

[whatevs]

Sleep apnea?

I have had 3 sleep studies and I use this per the treatment of a expensive doc now. Blocked airflow, supposedly.



No luck. I keep slipping into disability and non-personhood.

 

[AliceTheGoon]

I have had 3 sleep studies and I use this per the treatment of a expensive doc now. Blocked airflow, supposedly.

I had a version of that for apnea years ago. Mine had a little thumb screw in the front to pull the jaw forward.

Does your illness happen to be a post-drug syndrome?

 

[Hope:-)]

My sleep has been massively effected by the perils of medication and situational depression. I have slept with the light off for 4 months out of 7 years....for medical malpractice and situational depression reasons. I always fall asleep in my clothes.
I also have a degenerative eye condition and am always in pain from it. Lots of love to you x

 

[Insomniac]

Everything is taken from you when you don't rest for enough time

are you an insomniac ?

not having s job helps because I can sleep whenever I want, or rest. do you have a job?

 

[whatevs]

are you an insomniac ?

not having s job helps because I can sleep whenever I want, or rest. do you have a job?

Only temporally, I won't be able to hold it. How humiliating it will be, having to face that.

 

[GasMonkey]

How many O2 drops do you have at night?
Have you tried CPAP?

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Damnit, I really hate it for you that even a retainer didn't attenuate any of this for you, especially considering how expensive they are and how uncomfortable getting them fitted is.

While we suffer from nearly the exact same issue, I don't think I have sleep apnea, as I don't stop breathing during my sleep or snore whatsoever. However, I do have TMJ and wore a similar retainer as you from the age of 15-19 or so and it made 0 difference in my fatigue too, despite all of the research out there saying that jaw misalignment can be a big contributor of unfreshing sleep and chronic fatigue.

In an ideal world, sick individuals wouldn't be forced to siphon away their limited energy at a soul crushing job. However, the negative impacts of fatigue are downplayed and shrugged off, few people realize how it feels to exist in a zombie like state where you can never fully be "all there" and keep up with the demands of the workplace.

I understand how soul crushing and disheartening it is to be essentially glued and chained to a phone screen as well. Even if there were a cure someday for these sorts of issues, missing out on so much is a trauma in itself and it's incredibly fucking unfair that you have to suffer this way all because some pathway in the nervous system has likely gone haywire and damaged itself.

 

[GentleJerk]

I hate to be that guy, but I just had a thought.

I was friends with a girl from America a few years back, when I used to play CTR nitro-fuelled online with my daughter's mum, who had Lyme's (?) disease. A tick-borne illness caused by some bacterium, after almost 5 years of suffering with unbearable fatigue and weakness, autoimmune disease, brain fog, arthritis, etc, and finding no help from docs, she tried something called the Bob Beck protocol and apparently it worked for her.

It's basically mild blood electrification, along with silver colloids and oxygen, or something else, I can't remember. It sounds extreme but it's really not, quite simple actually. Just a 9v battery device with 2 probes on the wrist, ulnar and radial arteries. But anyway after 3 weeks of doing it, she said she finally started getting over the illness after years of torture- and is now symptom free.

We have tick-borne illnesses here in Aus too, but it's not classic Lyme, and the government denies that it exists. Many people who have it are treated poorly, or as malingerers, when they are in fact suffering terribly without a diagnosis.

Maybe have a look into it, I'm not saying it will cure you, but I thought I should let you know, and I guess it's worth a try.