Discussion I have a very specific dream for my CTB

[donttellmybf2004]

My plan is specific. Weirdly, it keeps me alive.
My cousin ctb two years ago. He did it via inhalants, some medical gas he'd stolen. It was all very gentle. I thought at the time, god dammit when I go, it will resemble death. Like, I won't look like I'm sleeping.
I've been ruminating on it for a bit. I want a revolver, an old one with a pretty handle. And I want a car that's mine, something big and black and classic. And a cliff to drive off of. Maybe some heroin to make sure I actually ctb.
But yeah, that's my dream. Everything I do is to work towards it, and I am not gonna actually ctb until I can achieve all these conditions. And weirdly, it's kept me alive for years. Whatever works, I guess.
Anyone else have weirdly specific plans?

 

[5417807]

My weirdly specific plan I've had since I was 11, it's more of just a memory now since my circumstances have changed so much but my plan was:
OD on opioids + alcohol & full suspension hang in this really old abandoned coal factory I used to go to when I was sad. It had a broken ladder you could only access if you climbed on the second floor window as it was snapped off below that but it could hold my weight even when I jumped on it and I figured if the rope or ladder snapped I'd fall into the flooded first floor and drown or catch hypothermia whilst passed out.
Not so much my dream anymore as I moved away from that area and it's 12 years later so I don't even know if it's still there or accessible but I still think about sneaking in the 2nd floor window to CTB with SN