Abandoned Phantom
Member
- Oct 3, 2025
- 27
Sorry in advance for the long-ish post.
Hi everyone. Had a strange day earlier this week. Monday, I was doing my normal thing, and I was content. Not the usual empty, sad, and down feelings that I normally have. Not quite happy, but really riding the line between happy and depressed. Tuesday, I saw my podiatrist, and she said I don't need to make further appointments, she's happy with how my feet have healed. Enough to let me go. (I broke both my feet in my previous attempt to CTB) I should be happy about that, but I don't really care. I wish I could just be happy. It was kinda nice feeling good again. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I was my usual empty self. Though there is a little bit more life to me.
I have a physical therapy appointment in a few hours, then I'm heading to the store to buy a gun.
Maybe because I have a new plan, that's more set in stone. More than the loose fantasies that I've been having over the past 7 months or so. That idea that depressed people are happy in the final days leading up to CTB day. Maybe that's what's happening here.
I was going back and forth between a pistol and a shotgun. I was thinking shotgun to the head, because there would be no chance in this hell we live in, that I could survive that. On the other hand, I don't really want my head to be blown apart like that. For the EMT's or any of my family to have to see me like that. It's already going to be traumatic enough.
My knowledge was out of date because I thought long guns didn't have a waiting period in my state. But they do, they have a 10 day waiting period. So since I have to wait either way. I've decided on a pistol. 9mm, firing jacketed hollow point ammunition. Another plus side to the pistol is that a pistol is easier to bring to my bus stop than a big ol' shotgun. Just have to wait through the 10 day waiting period and background check to clear. Then I get to pick it up.
Hi everyone. Had a strange day earlier this week. Monday, I was doing my normal thing, and I was content. Not the usual empty, sad, and down feelings that I normally have. Not quite happy, but really riding the line between happy and depressed. Tuesday, I saw my podiatrist, and she said I don't need to make further appointments, she's happy with how my feet have healed. Enough to let me go. (I broke both my feet in my previous attempt to CTB) I should be happy about that, but I don't really care. I wish I could just be happy. It was kinda nice feeling good again. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I was my usual empty self. Though there is a little bit more life to me.
I have a physical therapy appointment in a few hours, then I'm heading to the store to buy a gun.
Maybe because I have a new plan, that's more set in stone. More than the loose fantasies that I've been having over the past 7 months or so. That idea that depressed people are happy in the final days leading up to CTB day. Maybe that's what's happening here.
I was going back and forth between a pistol and a shotgun. I was thinking shotgun to the head, because there would be no chance in this hell we live in, that I could survive that. On the other hand, I don't really want my head to be blown apart like that. For the EMT's or any of my family to have to see me like that. It's already going to be traumatic enough.
My knowledge was out of date because I thought long guns didn't have a waiting period in my state. But they do, they have a 10 day waiting period. So since I have to wait either way. I've decided on a pistol. 9mm, firing jacketed hollow point ammunition. Another plus side to the pistol is that a pistol is easier to bring to my bus stop than a big ol' shotgun. Just have to wait through the 10 day waiting period and background check to clear. Then I get to pick it up.
