I have 3 children. Is it unethical for me to CTB?

[asiht]

I have bipolar, severe OCD, ptsd. I have 3 kids. Their other parent was abusive to me. I left the other parent some years ago. I don't have any custody of the kids. The other parent took me to court for child support and I got completely screwed. The older two kids now don't want to have anything to do with me and I don't get to see the youngest as much as I'd like.
Around the time of leaving the other parent, I fell into drug abuse (I won't say specifically what drug). It's not a physically addictive substance, but I've struggled with it off and on during those years.
In December I lost my job where I worked at the same employer for almost 20 years. (The stress from that job was unreal, and that's a whole other hellscape I won't even get into here)
I had some financial help from a family member, and also cashed out my retirement money, and then finally got on unemployment. The money will be running out soon and I haven't found a new job yet.
I'm currently at a place where I'm eating nothing but beans and ramen noodles. In the next 2 weeks I'm going to have to choose between either: rent, child support, bills, or psych meds (Most of which I've already run out of). I'm going to prioritize rent. Edit: Look at that, I even forgot to mention food in that list, like it's some kind of fucking unnecessary excess.

I've been through many different very dark time periods of my life. I've been researching suicide methods and their efficacy for a long time, because I want to make sure that ifwhen the time comes, I want to do it correctly and not become a vegetable.

As much as I love my kids, the whole thing fucking sucks and it breaks my heart. and I wish it had been different. But at this point I feel like I'm hardly anything more than a source of child support $ for them.

Things are getting very dark lately, as I possibly face homelessness if I'm not able to find work soon. Oh, and also I've basically fucked up both of my knees to where I can barely walk, I'm severely obese, my apartment is literally piled full of garbage, my bathroom smells like a catbox even though I don't even have cats. So, I can't even do manual labor type jobs or even any job that would require much standing, because of my fucked up knees. I have not been able to take care of myself during these months after I got fired.

Is it wrong of me to CTB?

I feel like... If I hold on, things *may* get better. But they always will get worse, and then better, ad infinitum. I'm not sure I can hold on much longer. Is it selfish to CTB? Is it somehow righteous for me to continue living a life of misery just so their other parent doesn't have to work as hard to earn $, or on some freak chance that they will someday want to re-form a relationship with me?

Fuck everything, I'm getting very tired.

-a

 

[LunarLight]

The truth is, no one can answer this question for you. Of course, one could argue that once you gave birth, you're kind of responsible for your offspring. But in the end, it's your life…

 

[depressedstupidgirl]

I have bipolar, severe OCD, ptsd. I have 3 kids. Their other parent was abusive to me. I left the other parent some years ago. I don't have any custody of the kids. The other parent took me to court for child support and I got completely screwed. The older two kids now don't want to have anything to do with me and I don't get to see the youngest as much as I'd like.
Around the time of leaving the other parent, I fell into drug abuse (I won't say specifically what drug). It's not a physically addictive substance, but I've struggled with it off and on during those years.
In December I lost my job where I worked at the same employer for almost 20 years. (The stress from that job was unreal, and that's a whole other hellscape I won't even get into here)
I had some financial help from a family member, and also cashed out my retirement money, and then finally got on unemployment. The money will be running out soon and I haven't found a new job yet.
I'm currently at a place where I'm eating nothing but beans and ramen noodles. In the next 2 weeks I'm going to have to choose between either: rent, child support, bills, or psych meds (Most of which I've already run out of). I'm going to prioritize rent. Edit: Look at that, I even forgot to mention food in that list, like it's some kind of fucking unnecessary excess.

I've been through many different very dark time periods of my life. I've been researching suicide methods and their efficacy for a long time, because I want to make sure that ifwhen the time comes, I want to do it correctly and not become a vegetable.

As much as I love my kids, the whole thing fucking sucks and it breaks my heart. and I wish it had been different. But at this point I feel like I'm hardly anything more than a source of child support $ for them.

Things are getting very dark lately, as I possibly face homelessness if I'm not able to find work soon. Oh, and also I've basically fucked up both of my knees to where I can barely walk, I'm severely obese, my apartment is literally piled full of garbage, my bathroom smells like a catbox even though I don't even have cats. So, I can't even do manual labor type jobs or even any job that would require much standing, because of my fucked up knees. I have not been able to take care of myself during these months after I got fired.

Is it wrong of me to CTB?

I feel like... If I hold on, things *may* get better. But they always will get worse, and then better, ad infinitum. I'm not sure I can hold on much longer. Is it selfish to CTB? Is it somehow righteous for me to continue living a life of misery just so their other parent doesn't have to work as hard to earn $, or on some freak chance that they will someday want to re-form a relationship with me?

Fuck everything, I'm getting very tired.

-a

yes absolutely you chose to have them …

 

[davidtorez]

My immediate reply would be that's a very selfish move . But upon thinking about it more , the main issue i would have is the age of your children ? Are they independent adults or dependant on you?

 

[alienfreak]

it's your life. I respect everyone's right to do it. I also don't blame you for your situation; I bet if you truly had free will you would not have wished upon it. The chain of chaotic causation that created the situation goes far beyond you as an individual. It's not like you chose to be born with bipolar and ptsd, and so on.
Perhaps if you could appreciate this point of view and feel a sense of acceptance you would feel a bit better, be able to function a bit better and find a path forward

 

[F@#$]

Do what tho wilt shall be the whole of the law.

 

[Rockman]

If your partner was abusive to you do you think she will be nice to your kids?

For me it's not ethical to catapult yourself out of the shit you created, let the children in, leaving them in their own shit. What for you made them, then?
If you were alone this wouldn't be a problem.
Unfortunately it is ethical to suffer 4 shitty lives now. Probably they repeat whole process.
Enjoy.

 

[leavingsoonx]

I am not judging you for wanting to CTB. But 3 children is a gift. I think when we aren't in the shoes we are in, we can take the gifts we have for granted.

A reason to stay could be being the dad you always wanted to have even without full custody. You can reflect on your childhood and ponder; what did I want? And I bet you it's not toys but something else.

I want to have kids but probably will never be able to. I get they may not be a spark during deep moments of depression, but 3 people for sure would be so devastated to have you gone…

I hope you find your way to peace and fulfillment. Even if you CTB like you want! Best of luck

 

[suffering_mo_7]

I'm a parent and can empathize. If you can possibly make your situation better, and stick around for your kids, you absolutely should....it sounds like you do have some hope that it could be better and get better for you. If I could get better and be better for my kids, I absolutely would, but my situation is much different than yours and I'm fucked. My life is a hell torture that I wouldn't wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy, with no hope of getting better. I never would have considered something like this and I never would hurt my babies if I could avoid it. But what I am dealing with is very unusual that even doctors haven't seen it. I will leave knowing that my kids have their other parent who loves them and will care for them; they will financially be just fine as here in the US, kids get SS if a parent dies. There's life insurance also. It's all I have. I know I am going to hurt them more than anyone else ever will and it's going to be traumatic and life altering but my situation isn't livable and it's not fixable. My heart is broken, my world shattered.

While I think you should give every effort to turn your life around and do what you can and live, I think blanket statements of people on here are WRONG. Walk a mile in my shoes and then say the same thing!

 

[justpathetic]

I have bipolar, severe OCD, ptsd. I have 3 kids. Their other parent was abusive to me. I left the other parent some years ago. I don't have any custody of the kids. The other parent took me to court for child support and I got completely screwed. The older two kids now don't want to have anything to do with me and I don't get to see the youngest as much as I'd like.
Around the time of leaving the other parent, I fell into drug abuse (I won't say specifically what drug). It's not a physically addictive substance, but I've struggled with it off and on during those years.
In December I lost my job where I worked at the same employer for almost 20 years. (The stress from that job was unreal, and that's a whole other hellscape I won't even get into here)
I had some financial help from a family member, and also cashed out my retirement money, and then finally got on unemployment. The money will be running out soon and I haven't found a new job yet.
I'm currently at a place where I'm eating nothing but beans and ramen noodles. In the next 2 weeks I'm going to have to choose between either: rent, child support, bills, or psych meds (Most of which I've already run out of). I'm going to prioritize rent. Edit: Look at that, I even forgot to mention food in that list, like it's some kind of fucking unnecessary excess.

I've been through many different very dark time periods of my life. I've been researching suicide methods and their efficacy for a long time, because I want to make sure that ifwhen the time comes, I want to do it correctly and not become a vegetable.

As much as I love my kids, the whole thing fucking sucks and it breaks my heart. and I wish it had been different. But at this point I feel like I'm hardly anything more than a source of child support $ for them.

Things are getting very dark lately, as I possibly face homelessness if I'm not able to find work soon. Oh, and also I've basically fucked up both of my knees to where I can barely walk, I'm severely obese, my apartment is literally piled full of garbage, my bathroom smells like a catbox even though I don't even have cats. So, I can't even do manual labor type jobs or even any job that would require much standing, because of my fucked up knees. I have not been able to take care of myself during these months after I got fired.

Is it wrong of me to CTB?

I feel like... If I hold on, things *may* get better. But they always will get worse, and then better, ad infinitum. I'm not sure I can hold on much longer. Is it selfish to CTB? Is it somehow righteous for me to continue living a life of misery just so their other parent doesn't have to work as hard to earn $, or on some freak chance that they will someday want to re-form a relationship with me?

Fuck everything, I'm getting very tired.

-a

Unhelpful as it it only you can answer that. I will say however I don't believe in or push the whole 'you have to live for your kids' BS. Sometimes people are in so much pain physically, mentally and emotionally they're frankly not doing much good for there kids. The truth is parents die every day at every age. Their kids grieve and hopefully eventually move on. That's part of life as well.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I will say however I don't believe in or push the whole 'you have to live for your kids' BS. Sometimes people are in so much pain physically, mentally and emotionally they're frankly not doing much good for there kids. The truth is parents die every day at every age. Their kids grieve and hopefully eventually move on. That's part of life as well.

I'm sorry, but no. When you decide to become a parent an aspect of that is literally that you are responsible for taking care of your children. You don't get to live for you anymore. Parents dying every day doesn't mean shit when that usually happens due to forces outside of their control. There is a huge difference between someone dying because of circumstance versus someone dying because they specifically chose to. Children of dead parents do not just grieve and move on either. Death of a parent can have long-term effects on children, especially young children. To add insult to injury, the OP's partner was also abusive towards them and has custody of their kids. It would probably be better for the OP to stick around just in case anything potentially happens to them.

Either way, no. Your suffering doesn't trump the responsibility that you have towards taking care of your kids. They didn't ask to be born and they shouldn't have to suffer even more because of your selfishness. Until they are full-grown adults, you should stay alive for them. If you didn't want to be in this situation then you shouldn't have decided to have a kid, let alone several of them. The minute you decide to have a parent is the minute where you agree to sacrifice shit for their well-being and that includes your right to ctb. Outside of a few exceptions, such as in the case of parents who suffer from terminal illnesses, you shouldn't get to just bail on them.

 

[spottem]

There's a small chance your children will try to rekindle the relationship if you take responsibility and get better, but there is zero chance they will if you continue the life you're living.

 

[suffering_mo_7]

I'm sorry, but no. When you decide to become a parent an aspect of that is literally that you are responsible for taking care of your children. You don't get to live for you anymore. Parents dying every day doesn't mean shit when that usually happens due to forces outside of their control. There is a huge difference between someone dying because of circumstance versus someone dying because they specifically chose to. Children of dead parents do not just grieve and move on either. Death of a parent can have long-term effects on children, especially young children. To add insult to injury, the OP's partner was also abusive towards them and has custody of their kids. It would probably be better for the OP to stick around just in case anything potentially happens to them.

Either way, no. Your suffering doesn't trump the responsibility that you have towards taking care of your kids. They didn't ask to be born and they shouldn't have to suffer even more because of your selfishness. Until they are full-grown adults, you should stay alive for them. If you didn't want to be in this situation then you shouldn't have decided to have a kid, let alone several of them. The minute you decide to have a parent is the minute where you agree to sacrifice shit for their well-being and that includes your right to ctb. Outside of a few exceptions, such as in the case of parents who suffer from terminal illnesses, you shouldn't get to just bail on them.

Oh really?!! Do you know what I am suffering? I can describe it to you but you could never understand. I agree... parents should absolutely stick around. But sometimes, there is unbearable pain and suffering and situations out of our control. When I had my children, I didn't even know that something like this could happen to anyone, let alone me. Doctors haven't even seen what I am experiencing. You are being too harsh and too judgemental!! I agree that if OP can stick around, he should. But you do NOT walk in his shoes. You don't know how much pain and suffering he is experiencing. So every non terminal parent who is suffering, even immensely, should have to stay while everyone else gets the pass?!! THAT.IS.SHIT!!

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, it is unethical since they never asked to be born in the first place. You gave birth to them against their consent so it's your responsibility to take care of them.

 

[Reflection]

I think it's irrelevent whether it's ethical or not, this is a case where you CTBing might very well fuck up your children for life, please try to hold on and fix things for everyone's sake, yours included.

Oh really?!! Do you know what I am suffering? I can describe it to you but you could never understand. I agree... parents should absolutely stick around. But sometimes, there is unbearable pain and suffering and situations out of our control. When I had my children, I didn't even know that something like this could happen to anyone, let alone me. Doctors haven't even seen what I am experiencing. You are being too harsh and too judgemental!! I agree that if OP can stick around, he should. But you do NOT walk in his shoes. You don't know how much pain and suffering he is experiencing. So every non terminal parent who is suffering, even immensely, should have to stay while everyone else gets the pass?!! THAT.IS.SHIT!!

To be honest while I do believe that people in general should always consider how their actions might affect those around, especially loved ones, and that we are morally responsible for them in ways. I find it hypocritical in a way that when it comes to parents even people on this site that should be understanding turn to the same arguments that prolifers use in cases like these.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Oh really?!! Do you know what I am suffering? I can describe it to you but you could never understand. I agree... parents should absolutely stick around. But sometimes, there is unbearable pain and suffering and situations out of our control. When I had my children, I didn't even know that something like this could happen to anyone, let alone me. Doctors haven't even seen what I am experiencing. You are being too harsh and too judgemental!! I agree that if OP can stick around, he should. But you do NOT walk in his shoes. You don't know how much pain and suffering he is experiencing. So every non terminal parent who is suffering, even immensely, should have to stay while everyone else gets the pass?!! THAT.IS.SHIT!!

Unless if you have something, like a terminal illness, it is literally your responsibility to stick around for them. That's my opinion anyway. Plenty of parents suffer tremendously with some probably suffering just as much, if not, even more than you are right now and none of them would ever ctb specifically because they know how badly it could impact their children (especially when they are still developing). I will be harsh and judgemental towards anyone who decides to be a parent. Parenthood isn't some fun little thing you can just stop partaking in whenever you feel like it. You literally have a bunch of young developing humans who greatly depend on you. In my opinion, parents should be the most harshly judged people out there because of this fact. Get upset at me all you want, but I've already made my stance on parents pretty clear on multiple occasions on this site and you aren't changing that.

 

[anne neum]

I get you are bipolar, but three kids?
Anyways, your body, your choice. Just don't make more kids

 

[sevennn]

anyone can suffer. but it kind of sounded to me like you want to live? idk the bit at the very end sounded like it. i don't think we lose the right to die if we have children or anything like that. so yeah. the decision is yours

 

[yxmux]

I think assigning a moral value on your decision to CTB in this circumstance is largely futile and will only generate pointless vitriol. I acknowledge that you do not necessarily have total agency over your life, which is why you resort to CTBing in the first place. To be honest, I do not think there is enough information here for us to decide for you. I think a good point of thought is how you believe CTBing would change this circumstance for your kids.

 

[Valhala]

Ради шта хоћеш биће цео закон.

Аleister Crowley (Liber al Legis)

 

[maniac116]

It sounds to me like you answered your own question.
You obviously are hesitant due to your children.
My thoughts are that if you have ANY even slight reservations then it's not your time.thats just my personal outlook. No judgement at all.
In whatever you decide to do I hope you're able to find a place of peace

 

[finallydone]

I get you are bipolar, but three kids?
Anyways, your body, your choice. Just don't make more kids

i'm against having children as well, but seeing someone being shocked that a bipolar person had 3 kids made me wonder what will happen to them if they lived a day in my life, cuz where i am i know at least 3 people, some are close relatives, who had 10+ kids all whilst being almost borderline schizophrenic

 

[justpathetic]

I'm sorry, but no. When you decide to become a parent an aspect of that is literally that you are responsible for taking care of your children. You don't get to live for you anymore. Parents dying every day doesn't mean shit when that usually happens due to forces outside of their control. There is a huge difference between someone dying because of circumstance versus someone dying because they specifically chose to. Children of dead parents do not just grieve and move on either. Death of a parent can have long-term effects on children, especially young children. To add insult to injury, the OP's partner was also abusive towards them and has custody of their kids. It would probably be better for the OP to stick around just in case anything potentially happens to them.

Either way, no. Your suffering doesn't trump the responsibility that you have towards taking care of your kids. They didn't ask to be born and they shouldn't have to suffer even more because of your selfishness. Until they are full-grown adults, you should stay alive for them. If you didn't want to be in this situation then you shouldn't have decided to have a kid, let alone several of them. The minute you decide to have a parent is the minute where you agree to sacrifice shit for their well-being and that includes your right to ctb. Outside of a few exceptions, such as in the case of parents who suffer from terminal illnesses, you shouldn't get to just bail on them.

I'm sorry no. My mom is dead. I know many people whose parents are dead. Some from suicide. Yes they do grieve yes they are changed and yes they move on. That's life. Experiences make you who you are good and bad that's not just trite dribble it's also true. When you decide to have kids that doesn't mean your life stops and you become a non person. To be blunt bad parents hurting parents aren't always better than dead parents. That's the truth no one wants to talk about. I doubt anyone has kids with the intention of later committing suicide. However as we all know situations change mental health changes over time.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm sorry no. My mom is dead. I know many people whose parents are dead. Some from suicide. Yes they do grieve yes they are changed and yes they move on. That's life. Experiences make you who you are good and bad that's not just trite dribble it's also true. When you decide to have kids that doesn't mean your life stops and you become a non person. To be blunt bad parents hurting parents aren't always better than dead parents. That's the truth no one wants to talk about. I doubt anyone has kids with the intention of later committing suicide. However as we all know situations change mental health changes over time.

Yeah, anecdotes don't mean shit when there are plenty of cases of the opposite happening, especially when it comes to children. Just because you don't originally plan on ctbing after having kids doesn't matter. You are alive for them until they are grown and independent. That's how it goes. You don't get to make one of the most selfish decisions out there and then back out when things get tough for you.

 

[suffering_mo_7]

Yeah, anecdotes don't mean shit when there are plenty of cases of the opposite happening, especially when it comes to children. Just because you don't originally plan on ctbing after having kids doesn't matter. You are alive for them until they are grown and independent. That's how it goes. You don't get to make one of the most selfish decisions out there and then back out when things get tough for you.

Each person ultimately has to decide what they have to do because their suffering is too much. Unless you have experienced anything near what some of us have, you have no right to judge, especially in a fucking suicide forum... Some of us are suffering shit you never could fathom but it doesn't matter.....you can have your opinion. That's what the OP was asking for. With all this said, do I think EVERY person should give it all they can and try and live, YES!! Especially parents? YES! So I don't disagree with you there. We will just have to agree to disagree on the rest.....

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Each person ultimately has to decide what they have to do because their suffering is too much. Unless you have experienced anything near what some of us have, you have no right to judge, especially in a fucking suicide forum... Some of us are suffering shit you never could fathom but it doesn't matter.....you can have your opinion. That's what the OP was asking for. With all this said, do I think EVERY person should give it all they can and try and live, YES!! Especially parents? YES! So I don't disagree with you there. We will just have to agree to disagree on the rest.....

If I can have my own opinion and thanks what the op is asking for, then why are you getting so offended and trying to argue with me. In my eyes, it's incredibly selfish to decide to have children and even more self to decide to ctb after the fact.

 

[divinemistress36]

Keep in mind if you ctb. One of your kids could ctb in the future from grief

 

[suffering_mo_7]

Keep in mind if you ctb. One of your kids could ctb in the future from grief

You are correct that statistically speaking, they are twice as likely but it's still fairly rare. Parents should live if they can withstand their suffering.

If I can have my own opinion and thanks what the op is asking for, then why are you getting so offended and trying to argue with me. In my eyes, it's incredibly selfish to decide to have children and even more self to decide to ctb after the fact.

It's because your comments were not just giving an opinion, they come off as extremely judgemental for some who are already suffering incredible sorrow and guilt..."NO ONE has the right. You are incredibly selfish, etc, etc". There are a handful of parents on here with kids still in the home...good parents who have only loved and nurtured their children but are victims of horrid and unusual circumstances, causing cruel and torturous suffering.

 

[justpathetic]

Yeah, anecdotes don't mean shit when there are plenty of cases of the opposite happening, especially when it comes to children. Just because you don't originally plan on ctbing after having kids doesn't matter. You are alive for them until they are grown and independent. That's how it goes. You don't get to make one of the most selfish decisions out there and then back out when things get tough for you.

It's not an anecdote these are real people who have lived through it. Have you? do you have kids? If not don't presume to tell people who do what they should do. Parents are NOT alive for their kids until their grown. Believe me there are plenty of people in the world who would been much better off if their parents had committed suicide.

 

[Trav1989]

I personally am against deciding to CTB if you have children but honestly, I can see how miserable is be in your situation.

Having everything and then waking up with scraps and the knowledge that you'll never get to experience life as you envisioned it is awful.

In the end it's your life and nobody has any say when it comes to your decisions but you.