I have 19 days

[sapphoslastpoem]

In 19 days is my "traumaversary". I hope by the time that day hits, I'm not too much of a coward to end this shit. I'm tired of being the town pariah, I'm tired of the fucking flashbacks and paranoia, I'm tired of the loneliness, I'm tired of being fucking agoraphobic but I have no choice but to experience all of the above. I have to die or none of this shit will end. I have to end it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Life does just seem to be endless problems and suffering with no relief and I understand being tired of everything. I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[sapphoslastpoem]

Life does just seem to be endless problems and suffering with no relief and I understand being tired of everything. I wish you the best with your plans.

Thank you love

 

[SexyIncél]

Love & respect to you, no matter what you do...

 

[sapphoslastpoem]

Love & respect to you, no matter what you do...

Thank you <3

 

[Everlong]

In 19 days is my "traumaversary". I hope by the time that day hits, I'm not too much of a coward to end this shit. I'm tired of being the town pariah, I'm tired of the fucking flashbacks and paranoia, I'm tired of the loneliness, I'm tired of being fucking agoraphobic but I have no choice but to experience all of the above. I have to die or none of this shit will end. I have to end it.

Man, I could've written this. I don't drink…except when I do. Had a double JD on vacation. Was so good I had to make sure I wasn't mistaken. Well, all I can think is the 6 klonopin I went up there with (and didn't return with) were my drunken insurance that those shots would have proper effect. I have about 5 little snippets of reflection that involved more alcohol. They are the worst memories of my life. My wife's family had front row seats to the gala. I shudder typing this. Oh yeah, she's done. When they find me face down in the lake, only then will they know how truly sorry I am for them suffering 20 years living with my bipolar disorder, PTSD and anxiety.
I'm shooting for the Frost Moon to make sure the lake is good and cold.
Best wishes with whichever path you choose.