I hate to say it, but i feel like i've resigned myself to living, at least for now

[Mecha Man]

One thing lead to another, and another, and another... My Dad, who I am almost always perfectly honest with, flat out asked me if I was suicidal, and at first I said no, but he knew I wasn't being perfectly honest. And he was very upset about it (not so much my dishonesty, but being suicidal). He and my Mom are always so concerned about me. He asked me, "if you were going to try to kill yourself, would you tell me?" I really struggled with how to answer this. I tried to make him understand that I couldn't tell him, because he would do anything to try to stop me. But he really wanted to know that he could trust me. But.... I don't even know what else to say. I think you all understand the predicament.

The fact of the matter is, my suicidal nature has caused everyone in the household to get increasingly stressed and anxious, and I'm actually starting to feel a stupid sense of obligation to stay alive just because they want me to. I really hate this. But I just feel trapped.

 

[Vincent Moraes]

I feel trapped in the same way, but I'm trying to overcome this feeling. My strategy for now is to make the suicide look as something small. Many people do It and families work their way through life. That's how its gonna be.
I think the worst thing you can get is living with the Constant Will to die. I live like that, they might end up like this too, and then they might make their choice. I have made Mine.

 

[Mecha Man]

Yeah the problem is my parents are (with all due respect) too intellectually inferior to understand me. My parents are both die hard Catholics, and although they'll always love me no matter what... actually because they'll always love me no matter what, they'll never, ever give up on trying to help me "get better." I'll never stop hearing their pep talks that I can't give up, that I have to think optimistically, that eventually things definitely WILL get better. They're so optimistic and so certain of this, and at the same time they get so upset that they can't do anything. Like every day my dad comes in here and gets sad and is all like, "I just wish there was something I could do to make you happy." Of course, if I say anything about killing me or me dying he'll just get even more upset. They will never, ever change. My dad is 82, and my mom is 70. At best, I can tell myself that I'll kill myself after they're gone. But that's still probably a long, long time away.

 

[Vincent Moraes]

Yeah the problem is my parents are (with all due respect) too intellectually inferior to understand me. My parents are both die hard Catholics, and although they'll always love me no matter what... actually because they'll always love me no matter what, they'll never, ever give up on trying to help me "get better." I'll never stop hearing their pep talks that I can't give up, that I have to think optimistically, that eventually things definitely WILL get better. They're so optimistic and so certain of this, and at the same time they get so upset that they can't do anything. Like every day my dad comes in here and gets sad and is all like, "I just wish there was something I could do to make you happy." Of course, if I say anything about killing me or me dying he'll just get even more upset. They will never, ever change. My dad is 82, and my mom is 70. At best, I can tell myself that I'll kill myself after they're gone. But that's still probably a long, long time away.

Dude, we are in the exactly same situation. The only difference is my parents are younger. They will never understand or accept, at least not before It happens. So I must make a decision, and I am more into suiciding soon

 

[Mecha Man]

Dude, we are in the exactly same situation. The only difference is my parents are younger. They will never understand or accept, at least not before It happens. So I must make a decision, and I am more into suiciding soon

Well if you succeed you're way better off than I am. Just don't try and fail.

 

[samhelloall9]

i didn't read your content, but your thread title is basically my life right now. i'm still holding out for a partner with all the goods. my anxiety makes me so impatient, i pass the time by living, isn't that irony? as well as not to raise anyone's concern, i just keep doing what i always do...patiently waiting. a long shot as it is. patiently waiting.