Venting i hate this...

[Lost.]

i hate this brain damage. i hate suicide. but i will need it - i hate that fact. i hate die in this age (24). i hate it as a hell. i hate this disonection from the word, from my life and my memories, form present, form myself. i hate suicide, but it is the only escape. i had a beautifull life despite all my trauma (which i have a lot, but the worst thing have ever happened to me is this brain damage). Dirty bastrads have destroyed my life with neurotoxic meds. wish them all the wost. i hate die at this age (again). i lost myslef completly. i am walking zoombie. i am near no emotion. i am cofused and in a fog. my ability of imaging is damaged a lot. thinkng ability is damaged too, bad memory problems. i have lot of blockig of thoughts or disapearing thoughts. i cant even remeber my beatifull life more than sec or two since the last worsening which completly have destoryed my life and led me to the this forum. before the last worsening remembering on good memories had been one of things which had keept me alive and is still could live somehow damaged on such way (i mean on state before the worsening) althought i that life was pretty hard. i cant sand i am at this state. i cant stand this is happening. i cant accept this. i hate suicide and die at this age (i said it again and again) but if i dont improve i will have to do it.
even when i go to this forum i see how my numbness/disconection is bad, how this damage is bad. even i cant feel suicidality as i used to, no strong urge to do it or despair (beucase of brain damage), but i have been worse tha ever and i have a simple urge to do it, i know it is only escape form this numbed hell. Btw i have visual snow, tinittus, this damage affect my reading, writing and speach. I feel demential. I cut off my friends. I am burden to family, my brothers are fed up of my lamentation. Mother support me, it is reason i still here, but i lay stress her. I feel sorry for her. Sometimes she don't understand me, sometimes understand me. She baged me to stay.

i hate exist like this!

 

[Ghost2211]

It sounds like suicide and death or not your preferred route. Have you tried talking to a therapist, or reaching out to emergency about suicidal feelings? Have you ever tried antidepressants? I'm only asking this is because it sounds like you don't want to kill yourself and just feel Like it is your only option

 

[Lost.]

i messed up my college, i took the fist antidepressant, then i got protracted withrawal and some other shits were there and i mother forced me to the second antidepressant which gave me the fist brain damage (some emotions were numbed, partial sexual dyfunction, cognitive imapirmet). at first it was pretty hard then i accept it and lived well but life wasnt as before. i had been in recovery 20 months then i was injected with torecan for dizziness on ER without my conssent. it had made my damage 1000 times worse. i barely survived the fist 2.5 months. then i got better mentaly, bit phisicaly, i continued my life but it was realy hard. i had a lot of suicidal crises but i wanted to live and i would survive and live. the 2 months ago i got worse a lot again, idk was it combo of psychoactive spices or stess (when you are damaged a lot anything can make you worse - paracetamol, ibuprofen, tramadol, ginger, curcumin, etc). last 2 months my numbenss/diconection/blocking of thoughts are realy bad and i just dont want to exist like this. i went to therapists, they wanted to hospitalised me or put on psych drug, but i would rahter die than take anything of it.

 

[TelstraSuckAFatOne]

You're not alone especially on this forum. My doctors had me on a high dose of anti psych meds for a long time, it changed me from the person I was into the person I am. I took myself off the meds 5 years ago and started smoking weed. That was a mistake in itself. I'm now completely sober and my brain is like mash potatoes. I can't think straight and everyday I have thoughts of harming people. I never want to hurt anyone so I made the decision that I'll end my life.
I really feel for you I wish you nothing but peace for however long you decide to stay in this hell hole. Life's overrated and it's ingrained in us from a young age that suicide is never an option. We didn't get the choice to be here but I believe we have the choice to leave when we choose.
Good luck!

 

[Iloveyouall]

I wish I could do better than just being able to be sad and sorry about how you've been treated. I feel kinda dumb asking that but is there any kind of therapy that don't require medication to help people with brain damage like the one you have ?

 

[jrums]

It sounds like suicide and death or not your preferred route. Have you tried talking to a therapist, or reaching out to emergency about suicidal feelings? Have you ever tried antidepressants? I'm only asking this is because it sounds like you don't want to kill yourself and just feel Like it is your only option

Seeking help for mental health is what made her, and me, worse. Antidepressants being the shit that me worse. Not everything is "depression". The drugs used to treat this shit are often worse than the original problem.
And suicide IS the only option now. It's now a physiological problem not mental.

 

[Iloveyouall]

Seeking help for mental health is what made her, and me, worse. Antidepressants being the shit that me worse. Not everything is "depression". The drugs used to treat this shit are often worse than the original problem

What a world where when you feel in mental pain, the only "scientific" answer is to be given strong psychoactive chemicals. This shit has to stop. I know, a lot of people get "better" with those kind of treatments but how many can't live without them then ? How many get their mind completely broken by them or start to develop a need for more other "meds" just to live a bearable existence ? Those are psychoactive substances, a lot of young people, with their brain not fully developed, get prescribed those stuff by doctors I can't imagine really caring for the safety of their patients.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

What a world where when you feel in mental pain, the only "scientific" answer is to be given strong psychoactive chemicals. This shit has to stop. I know, a lot of people get "better" with those kind of treatments but how many can't live without them then ? How many get their mind completely broken by them or start to develop a need for more other "meds" just to live a bearable existence ? Those are psychoactive substances, a lot of young people, with their brain not fully developed, get prescribed those stuff by doctors I can't imagine really caring for the safety of their patients.

Unfortunately this is true. Some people do need the medication but it's a risk/reward thing. The doctors don't tell you the side effects, don't tell you you'll effectively be addicted, don't tell you about withdraw if you come of and don't even admit the long term brain or endocrine changes that these drugs cause.
I repeat, for some, all this shit is worth it compared to the alternative, but psychoactive medications are increasingly just used as a chemical hammer to bang in troublesome nails, because it's easier to give out pills than to get to the root of the problem.
I remember going to my GP after my mum died. I was grieving and that was fine. I asked about grief counselling, perfectly willing to pay privately. He gave me Prozac.
Seriously. Treating a normal and healthy, if awful, emotion as a mental illness. These days you are not allowed to feel unhappy and any deviation from that is all to readily given a mental health label.
Then you are in a never ending rodeo of drugs, which can leave you in a far worse state.
OP I hear your pain and sympathise.

 

[Lost.]

You're not alone especially on this forum. My doctors had me on a high dose of anti psych meds for a long time, it changed me from the person I was into the person I am. I took myself off the meds 5 years ago and started smoking weed. That was a mistake in itself. I'm now completely sober and my brain is like mash potatoes. I can't think straight and everyday I have thoughts of harming people. I never want to hurt anyone so I made the decision that I'll end my life.
I really feel for you I wish you nothing but peace for however long you decide to stay in this hell hole. Life's overrated and it's ingrained in us from a young age that suicide is never an option. We didn't get the choice to be here but I believe we have the choice to leave when we choose.
Good luck!

You said this right, and i am sorry you are victim of this crime too. I noticed on this forum is lot of people with lives destroyed by psych drugs.

I wish I could do better than just being able to be sad and sorry about how you've been treated. I feel kinda dumb asking that but is there any kind of therapy that don't require medication to help people with brain damage like the one you have ?

Thank you for understanding my situation ❤ after i was damaged i got small improvment, but that damage wasnt so bad, then i was injected with torecan because of dizziness without my consent and had made my damage worse a lot and i again had a small improvment, then i got worse again and since then no improvment and damage have been worse than ever. Time can give a small improvment but unfortunately this time i have had no improvment and damage is so extensive. I hear HBOT can help for this but i doubt it will help me, even if it help it would be a small improvment. Some people got impromevnt from natural medications or some psychacitve substances but it is mostly temporary, and risk for damage worsening is greater than you will get better.

What a world where when you feel in mental pain, the only "scientific" answer is to be given strong psychoactive chemicals. This shit has to stop. I know, a lot of people get "better" with those kind of treatments but how many can't live without them then ? How many get their mind completely broken by them or start to develop a need for more other "meds" just to live a bearable existence ? Those are psychoactive substances, a lot of young people, with their brain not fully developed, get prescribed those stuff by doctors I can't imagine really caring for the safety of their patients.

So true. Actualy it is poison. Big pharma and doctors don't care for human health. They only care for a money and do this horible crime.

Unfortunately this is true. Some people do need the medication but it's a risk/reward thing. The doctors don't tell you the side effects, don't tell you you'll effectively be addicted, don't tell you about withdraw if you come of and don't even admit the long term brain or endocrine changes that these drugs cause.
I repeat, for some, all this shit is worth it compared to the alternative, but psychoactive medications are increasingly just used as a chemical hammer to bang in troublesome nails, because it's easier to give out pills than to get to the root of the problem.
I remember going to my GP after my mum died. I was grieving and that was fine. I asked about grief counselling, perfectly willing to pay privately. He gave me Prozac.
Seriously. Treating a normal and healthy, if awful, emotion as a mental illness. These days you are not allowed to feel unhappy and any deviation from that is all to readily given a mental health label.
Then you are in a never ending rodeo of drugs, which can leave you in a far worse state.
OP I hear your pain and sympathise.

Agree
Thank you for understanding me ❤
Horrible, prozac - pure poison for grieving for mom (normal thing!). They makes illness from normal human reaction.

 

[Cevapcici]

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. You're not a burden, just someone struck by the injustice of life.

 

[Lost.]

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. You're not a burden, just someone struck by the injustice of life.

Thank you dear❤❤❤
I know for Thomas Szasz

 

[Deathbydemo]

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. Life is a bitch to so many good people.

 

[Iloveyouall]

This guy is awesome ! I didn't know him. Thanks a lot

 

[Lost.]

This guy is awesome ! I didn't know him. Thanks a lot

Google about Peter Breggin, he is awesome too