Venting I hate that nobody helps or cares

[LivingToLong]

It's too much for me. I'm tired. I'm beaten. I look for help and it's not there. They look at me but don't see me. I can't do this on my own. I haven't the strength to lift myself.

It's like I'm at the bottom of a well. People don't see me down here. Nobody will give me a hand and I'm too weak to climb out on my own.

"Yes, you can join us. Of course you can" they say. But they don't help me to get there and they don't see that it takes effort for me to get there. They'll carry on without me, they won't care.

And if I could get there, they don't appreciate the effort it has taken. They don't see how much it takes out of me to stay there. They get the benefit for the work I have done, I just lose strength. It's hard work for me to be 'normal'. They just don't see that. If I can't keep up, if I fall behind or fall over? Well, that's my problem. They carry on, not a look back for me, not a care. I'm on my own. Again.

I can't play this game any more. I'm too tired.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I'm sorry you're suffering like this brother.
I know the feeling of tiredness with the familiarity of the bullies gut punch.
When you do find the strength to climb out of the well, what is it that YOU would like to be doing, who would YOU like to be?
You are not the lap dog of others, put yourself first for a change.
Good luck brother.
DBD

 

[whatever1111]

I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope you find a way to make things easier and happier for you... I can relate to a largd degree - my childhood traumas were trigerred recently, and I don't feel like fighting anymore, but still, 20 percent of me wants to live, so it's a struggle.. I'm thinking of trying therapy again - have you ever gone to therapy? who are the persons you seem to be disappointed in? friends, family, doctors?
it's the brutal truth we have to learn to take care of ourselves, which is sth that's always been a problem for me since I've never really matured psychologically, I guess because of trauma and lack of support.
best of luck to you

 

[LivingToLong]

Thanks people.... I appreciate your kind words.

Yes, it is a harsh truth that we have to look after ourselves and can't expect others to do it for us. I do know that, I guess that's what makes it so difficult and, in a sense, so unfair. It feels like it's asking the most tired member of the team to run the final leg of the relay. To lift myself takes strength, and I have none. It's a paradox; people that really need the strength are the ones that don't have it.

I've been to therapy - but I'm a really good liar and a pretty good actor. Sort of. People's opinions of me matter too much to me, so I always try to appear intelligent and calm. (The only thing I've ever received praise for was my marks at school, so I guess that colors everything and I tend to cling to it) So I tried to appear 'intelligent' with my therapist rather than be honest. To be honest, I think I sound pathetic if I speak honestly about how I feel. Like a miserable, self pitying, cry baby. It's only here, on this forum, that I let myself go.

My partner lets me down. Probably because I expect too much from them, I don't know. They say they can't help me (so they don't try) I kind of understand, they're not a trained therapist. They say they care but it doesn't feel likes that to me. They can sometimes make me feel worse than alone. Alone, I can just about handle things. With them, I sometimes feel their judgement, and that hurts.

 

[whatever1111]

Thanks people.... I appreciate your kind words.

Yes, it is a harsh truth that we have to look after ourselves and can't expect others to do it for us. I do know that, I guess that's what makes it so difficult and, in a sense, so unfair. It feels like it's asking the most tired member of the team to run the final leg of the relay. To lift myself takes strength, and I have none. It's a paradox; people that really need the strength are the ones that don't have it.

I've been to therapy - but I'm a really good liar and a pretty good actor. Sort of. People's opinions of me matter too much to me, so I always try to appear intelligent and calm. (The only thing I've ever received praise for was my marks at school, so I guess that colors everything and I tend to cling to it) So I tried to appear 'intelligent' with my therapist rather than be honest. To be honest, I think I sound pathetic if I speak honestly about how I feel. Like a miserable, self pitying, cry baby. It's only here, on this forum, that I let myself go.

My partner lets me down. Probably because I expect too much from them, I don't know. They say they can't help me (so they don't try) I kind of understand, they're not a trained therapist. They say they care but it doesn't feel likes that to me. They can sometimes make me feel worse than alone. Alone, I can just about handle things. With them, I sometimes feel their judgement, and that hurts.

I'm afraid to say sth you dont wanna hear, since, obviously, I dont know anything about your situation, and considering this is SS, and not therapy. still, I'll say it does seem as if you're stronger than you're willing to admit - you said yourself you're not being honest in therapy, also you seem self-aware, why not risk being honest? is it vanity that is stopping you?
also, maybe your partner really loves you, but you don't love yourself and so you have some expectations others should help you change that?
I know that when I felt deprived of love, I had much too many expectations of 'love' - Karen Horney calls it the neurotic need for love. but I guess love is just a fraction of human experience, but for us, lonely people, its seems otherwise

 

[LivingToLong]

@whatever1111 you make very good, insightful points, and I'm not offended by anything you have said. I think you are right and that I am stronger than I realise, sometimes I surprise myself by 'stepping up'. I think perhaps I am just scared and maybe feel alone with it. Fear and anxiety hinder me. I need to think about this. Thank you.

 

[whatever1111]

no problem :)
do try to be more kind to the 'crying' kid within - he's been through a lot :) (i know, easier said than done). he's also a part of you...
Karen Horney was a very good author for me, take a look if you catch some time.

take care

 

[GeorgeJL]

It's too much for me. I'm tired. I'm beaten. I look for help and it's not there. They look at me but don't see me. I can't do this on my own. I haven't the strength to lift myself.

It's like I'm at the bottom of a well. People don't see me down here. Nobody will give me a hand and I'm too weak to climb out on my own.

"Yes, you can join us. Of course you can" they say. But they don't help me to get there and they don't see that it takes effort for me to get there. They'll carry on without me, they won't care.

And if I could get there, they don't appreciate the effort it has taken. They don't see how much it takes out of me to stay there. They get the benefit for the work I have done, I just lose strength. It's hard work for me to be 'normal'. They just don't see that. If I can't keep up, if I fall behind or fall over? Well, that's my problem. They carry on, not a look back for me, not a care. I'm on my own. Again.

I can't play this game any more. I'm too tired.

Sorry to hear that your suffering so much. Often times the problem is a lack of communication. Perhaps try telling them how much effort it takes to do XYZ and they will appreciate it more when you do manage to do it. Again it really comes down to communication. Good luck bro.

 

[Titania]

Feel the same here bro. I feel like everyone would be happier without me living. People leave me and abandon me without any reason and it's suffocating.

 

[time2go]

Sometimes it feels like people enjoy watching me fall apart

 

[LivingToLong]

@whatever1111 I've just been reading of Karen Horney, of the 'despised self' and the 'battle of shoulds' It resonates profoundly. I shall read more.

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

What's unfortunate in my case I suppose is I'm guilty of abandoning people who develop feelings for me as I fear closeness and commitment but it's like an addiction and then I have driven some people to attempt suicide when I've been in relationships, but I'm here because of needing to find a way to cope after a painful breakup, but deep down I know I deserved this humiliation and pain. Sympathy to you all, I have gotten a little taste of what it feels like to be ignored and treated as though I don't exist <3 Everyone has been much too kind to me on here, it's so precious <3

 

[whatever1111]

@whatever1111 I've just been reading of Karen Horney, of the 'despised self' and the 'battle of shoulds' It resonates profoundly. I shall read more.

'Neurosis and human growth' is the best one, in my opinion. it's very dense and full of insight, being written at the end of her life/career

 

[LivingToLong]

'Neurosis and human growth' is the best one, in my opinion. it's very dense and full of insight, being written at the end of her life/career

I hear you.

I've been looking at a couple of her books. Have you read 'Self-analysis' @whatever1111 ? It seems more 'self-helpy' (if I can put it like that) than 'Neurosis and Human Growth' which looks, as you say, quite dense and so maybe too academic for me.

 

[whatever1111]

I hear you.

I've been looking at a couple of her books. Have you read 'Self-analysis' @whatever1111 ? It seems more 'self-helpy' (if I can put it like that) than 'Neurosis and Human Growth' which looks, as you say, quite dense and so maybe too academic for me.

I have, it's pretty good, has a lot of examples. I liked 'Neurosis and...' because it gives a tipology, which is a great way to learn a lot in a short period of time - if a neurotic reads about his type(s), there's an 'aha' moment. at least that was my experience - I could say 'holy shit this is me'. but it was also the first one I read, so I'm biased. I think I liked the neurotic personality of our time also

 

[LivingToLong]

I have, it's pretty good, has a lot of examples.

Okay, just "pretty good" ;) ... but I think I'll go with your recommendation. I've read a number of reviews of the 2 books and some really didn't like 'Self-analysis' so I think I'll risk it and go for 'Neurosis and...'. I'll just take it slowly and try not to get bogged down. Thank you for the pointers.

 

[whatever1111]

Okay, just "pretty good" ;) ... but I think I'll go with your recommendation. I've read a number of reviews of the 2 books and some really didn't like 'Self-analysis' so I think I'll risk it and go for 'Neurosis and...'. I'll just take it slowly and try not to get bogged down. Thank you for the pointers.

haha dont get me wrong, all her books are perfect she's not a (very) difficult author,
I'm certain you'll handle it well ,)

 

[406metallicblue]

People perhaps do care about us but only up to a point. For as long as we are useful to them in one way or another maybe, either physically or emotionally. If we go off the rails it disturbs them, we are no longer like them. I think they still may care but just can't deal with something that's strange and awakens in them a sense of fear.

 

[TAW122]

Yeah I think most people are 'selfish' by nature, as a part of human nature itself. People only care when it's convenient for them and/or whenever they want to feel good about themselves (such as virtue signaling and preaching to the choir aka society itself). I experienced similar, if not the same things too during my life, often people will say they care (most likely just so they can brag to others and themselves that they did a 'good' noble thing) but when real effort is required or some sacrifice on their part is required (emotions, time, or w/e), they flake. I've all but given up on humanity as a whole, I have very little faith/confidence in it (maybe just a little confidence but that's it).

 

[Sunlight99]

Part of the problem is we are atomized as a society. For most of our existence, we lived in relatively smaller communities where you never felt alone, at least not in the way people do know.

People are too busy with their own lives. In the past, they'd recognize we're a community and if one person is suffering it hurts us all..

For me, I'm in the second half of my 30s, and I've tried everything. I took school seriously, got a masters degree, lived on my own, talked to women, made friends, tried everything to feel like normal... even small things like engaging with popular culture, trying alcohol (not to drown my sorrows but I never drank and I thought I'd try socially drinking to fit in), mimicking how other people talk and act. I've tried being myself. I've tried exercising, eating well, sleeping 8 hours a day.

I feel like an alien, though. I've wondered if I'm autistic. I don't know what to do. Part of my problem is I don't sleep well. I've tried all the sleep hygiene stuff but it doesn't help too much. Tried meds.

I get so tired. I work and sleep. I have no one to love me. No kids. My parents were crazy to me as a kid. They were violent to each other almost everyday and I thought they were going to kill each other throughout my childhood. I tend to blame that for messing me up, but maybe i'm also autistic.

 

[Marawa]

People perhaps do care about us but only up to a point. For as long as we are useful to them in one way or another maybe, either physically or emotionally. If we go off the rails it disturbs them, we are no longer like them. I think they still may care but just can't deal with something that's strange and awakens in them a sense of fear.

I agree this is the problem- it awakens their own securities. I don't understand that line of thinking, but my family seems to be concerned, but when it comes down to actually help or accompanying places I get anxious or have panic attacks they get angry & embarrassed. Vicious cycle

 

[AhG]

I feel as if people did care, they would make more of effort to help you, but people only care when it's too late.

 

[lululoo]

Part of the problem is we are atomized as a society. For most of our existence, we lived in relatively smaller communities where you never felt alone, at least not in the way people do know.

People are too busy with their own lives. In the past, they'd recognize we're a community and if one person is suffering it hurts us all..

For me, I'm in the second half of my 30s, and I've tried everything. I took school seriously, got a masters degree, lived on my own, talked to women, made friends, tried everything to feel like normal... even small things like engaging with popular culture, trying alcohol (not to drown my sorrows but I never drank and I thought I'd try socially drinking to fit in), mimicking how other people talk and act. I've tried being myself. I've tried exercising, eating well, sleeping 8 hours a day.

I feel like an alien, though. I've wondered if I'm autistic. I don't know what to do. Part of my problem is I don't sleep well. I've tried all the sleep hygiene stuff but it doesn't help too much. Tried meds.

I get so tired. I work and sleep. I have no one to love me. No kids. My parents were crazy to me as a kid. They were violent to each other almost everyday and I thought they were going to kill each other throughout my childhood. I tend to blame that for messing me up, but maybe i'm also autistic.

Hi from another person in their 30's who tried and tried and still ended up here. I was afraid my dad would kill us all as a kid. It does fuck you up.