Venting I hate surviving.

[darksouls2kicksass]

I'm currently writing this instead of writing a bullshit essay for school. Academia is a fucking joke. Anyway, I feel like even in a perfect, idealized life, I would rather not exist. Like it doesn't really matter if I'm surrounded by beauty and comfort-- the grind of survival goes on. You still have to eat, sleep, and piss. There's still the constant strain of time passing through you. I don't even like playing video games that have survival modes! I don't want to worry about eating or sleeping enough, and the time limits, and keeping my meters full. I'm so tired. I don't even know what my point is anymore. I fucking hate being alive and things aren't getting better. They doubled my dose of Wellbutrin and I feel like shit. Every day is genuinely worse than the last, and I'm too indecisive to pick a method and actually commit to buying shit.

I've been going to school for 19 years straight now. That's absurd. One of these days, I'm just gonna spontaneously combust. I have to read 130+ pages of bullshit by tomorrow and pretend like I care enough to cite my sources about it! Guess what's not gonna fucking happen!!

Side note, I just bought a miyoo mini plus. It's a dinky little emulation handheld in the form of a gameboy. So the only thing in my life I have to look forward to, is getting a shitty illegal-ish Chinese handheld. Because I'm a 24 year old loser who falls for nostalgia bait lmao

 

[citrusrope]

Thinking about the fact that I'll have to decide on what to eat every single day for the rest of my life sends me into a panic sometimes. And yeah, being in a human body fucking sucks. Wdym I have to use the bathroom and brush my teeth and sleep and eat and do all of this shit? Sometimes I wish I could have been a plant or whatever. No thoughts, just taking in sunlight as food...

 

[soonnotkoei]

relatable. the amount of tasks you have to do to maintain your body's wellbeing can be somewhat excessive. i dont have a proper breakfast-lunch-dinner cycle. i eat whatever whenever. or sometimes i just dont eat. i am too indecisive to decide what to eat, as citrusrope said. and yea, school on top of that doesn't help.

(also yes, Dark Souls 2 does indeed kick ass)