Lullaby
🌙
- Mar 9, 2022
- 650
In reality, it's absolutely beautiful out. It's not too hot, not too cold. It makes you want to go out and do things, it makes you feel good.
But when I'm finally out, I can't help but feel even worse than I normally do. I'm just basically reminded of everything I don't have. Everyone's out with their friends, family and loved ones, coming in and out of their fancy high rise apartments, heading to lunch; they're out living their lives. They look happy.
These are all things I can have, but I'm so tired of trying. I'm tired of trying to make new friends and being treated like a loser, I'm tired of dating and being manipulated, lied to. I'm tired of being treated like garbage at every job I end up at. I can push past this and keep trying, I'm just tired.
I really did try to is morning to blend in and feel good for once. While I was waiting to visit my new training program, $500 worth of charges come through on my credit card. Then I notice my card is completely gone and I don't know when or where I lost it…I'm already drowning in bills. I literally wanted to faint. I just paid off this card after months of working to do so. It took everything in me not to break down crying before my tour.
Then everything else proceeded to drop on top of me after that throughout the day. Like the universe gets a laugh out of making things hard for me.
It was raining last night, a proper thunderstorm, and I slept like a baby for the first time in weeks. I didn't have to cry myself to sleep…I just did.
Hearing the rain drops and the thunder, it felt super comforting and it made me feel safe for some reason. I forgot about all of my worries and issues because it felt like the world around me was inside my head for once, they were all dealing with what I was going through.
Now, it's absolutely gorgeous out, everything is alive again…and I have to go restock on my sleeping pills.
But when I'm finally out, I can't help but feel even worse than I normally do. I'm just basically reminded of everything I don't have. Everyone's out with their friends, family and loved ones, coming in and out of their fancy high rise apartments, heading to lunch; they're out living their lives. They look happy.
These are all things I can have, but I'm so tired of trying. I'm tired of trying to make new friends and being treated like a loser, I'm tired of dating and being manipulated, lied to. I'm tired of being treated like garbage at every job I end up at. I can push past this and keep trying, I'm just tired.
I really did try to is morning to blend in and feel good for once. While I was waiting to visit my new training program, $500 worth of charges come through on my credit card. Then I notice my card is completely gone and I don't know when or where I lost it…I'm already drowning in bills. I literally wanted to faint. I just paid off this card after months of working to do so. It took everything in me not to break down crying before my tour.
Then everything else proceeded to drop on top of me after that throughout the day. Like the universe gets a laugh out of making things hard for me.
It was raining last night, a proper thunderstorm, and I slept like a baby for the first time in weeks. I didn't have to cry myself to sleep…I just did.
Hearing the rain drops and the thunder, it felt super comforting and it made me feel safe for some reason. I forgot about all of my worries and issues because it felt like the world around me was inside my head for once, they were all dealing with what I was going through.
Now, it's absolutely gorgeous out, everything is alive again…and I have to go restock on my sleeping pills.
