Venting I Hate Special Days in the Year

[sometimes.sometimes]

Today is the 4th of July, and I still haven't been able to do anything. Everyone I know is going out and having barbeques, going to the lakes, hanging out at stores and such, etc. I tried to contact my grandma, but by the time I was about to ask her if she wanted to hang out over chat tonight, she said how she wanted to sleep because she has been in a lot of pain recently (I don't blame her for that). I tried contacting my one and only friend, but she has barely been talking to me lately. I have been begging everyone to do something with me, but everybody is turning me down for the dumbest reasons (besides my grandma).

The 4th of July used to be such a fun day, but now it is depressing. It reminds me of how much I have lost and wasted in life. Once the fireworks go off, my feelings are going to get ten times worse. I am going to keep praying that maybe my day can be turned around, but I don't know...

It is days like these when I really wish I could CTB easily, but I can't

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I hate all fucking holidays. Every day is the same to me, anyway. They all bleed into one another.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence really is so unnecessarily cruel after all, there certainly is too much suffering in existing. I could never have any interest in existing in the first place but it must be painful for those who wish they could enjoy it.

 

[deomlez]

I m european so it s difficult for me to understand what it means for you but Christmas here is a high rate period of ctb.
Do you remember how it was during covid, when everyone was on the same trend, no social life ? My best life...

 

[AresCohere]

I had to work until 11pm on the 4th, so you aren't alone with being, well, alone. I was scared most of that shift too as when night comes is when I'm most likely to have an episode of some form (I still don't know what I have as my family refuses to get me checked and my therapist is inconclusive)