Venting i hate myself

[ilk]

i simply just do. i feel like thats where alot of my depression & suicidal thoughts come from just self hatred. sure events/ppl in my life has made me feel shitty but i dont like blaming them. i feel like its just all my fault. i never knew how to love myself. i hate even lookin in mirrors because it just a reminder of how ugly & weak i am. i see a broke girl who will never heal or be ok. i see someone who has tried gettin better but just cant
at this point idk why im still here, why cant i just ctb already ???? ig i fear failing or being in a more terrible place after death. this has gone on way too long & each day i see why i just want to be gone already yet i just cant do it. ive been through so much i just want to be gone it hurts living in pain. even when i try starting on my letter to my family i just get stuck. i need to stop being so fuckin weak & a coward & do it already. nobody wants me here no one fuckin cares man. my family is strong ik they'll get over it. i take little steps on trying to ctb like talking to someone about a gun or looking up places to run away to but always back out. i need to get over myself already i know shit wont get better. ctb is my only option

 

[WearyWanderer]

I didn't use to know how to love myself either. It's fucking hard when no one teaches you how to or how to put yourself first in life so while I may not understand completely, I feel like I can understand you to a certain extent in my own way

Sorry if this is odd to say since I haven't met you but I care and want you here if you want to stay I know it's not much.


Honestly personally I don't feel like any of us are really to blame necessarily for the circumstances we ended up in. Life is just a clusterfuck of random chances and an unpredictable genetic lottery + random family placement on Earth.

The fact that you try is beautiful in itself and I don't see anyone as ugly but I can certainly relate to feeling that way.

I stumbled upon your post just now and wanted to just try and offer a few heartfelt words.

I think everyone here is stronger than people who have never gone through these levels of suffering will ever know. Not to say that makes any of the shitty things worth it just that you're probably the farthest from weak of many out there.

I'm not trying to negate your feelings or what you're saying and going through though, I understand how sometimes this type of response might feel like that and I just hope you know I'm listening and there's someone out there right now who's reading your vent and caring.

I definitely agree that life can be just one big shit show and can also relate to hating myself for things that have happened to me

I wish we could all turn back the clock and avoid all the negative experiences and hardships the second time so we can choose to never have to go through them in the first place.

Life is just too cruel. Here's to wishing you some sort of glimmer of light in your day, no matter how small

 

[Daryl72]

i simply just do. i feel like thats where alot of my depression & suicidal thoughts come from just self hatred. sure events/ppl in my life has made me feel shitty but i dont like blaming them. i feel like its just all my fault. i never knew how to love myself. i hate even lookin in mirrors because it just a reminder of how ugly & weak i am. i see a broke girl who will never heal or be ok. i see someone who has tried gettin better but just cant
at this point idk why im still here, why cant i just ctb already ???? ig i fear failing or being in a more terrible place after death. this has gone on way too long & each day i see why i just want to be gone already yet i just cant do it. ive been through so much i just want to be gone it hurts living in pain. even when i try starting on my letter to my family i just get stuck. i need to stop being so fuckin weak & a coward & do it already. nobody wants me here no one fuckin cares man. my family is strong ik they'll get over it. i take little steps on trying to ctb like talking to someone about a gun or looking up places to run away to but always back out. i need to get over myself already i know shit wont get better. ctb is my only option

Wow can I relate to what you said.

 

[cait_sith]

I know I shouldn't hate myself for things that aren't my fault but I can't stop, it's fully automated. No matter the original thought, it always spirals to hating myself and wanting to die, it's like a computer script. And I hate myself for it.

 

[ilk]

I didn't use to know how to love myself either. It's fucking hard when no one teaches you how to or how to put yourself first in life so while I may not understand completely, I feel like I can understand you to a certain extent in my own way

Sorry if this is odd to say since I haven't met you but I care and want you here if you want to stay I know it's not much.


Honestly personally I don't feel like any of us are really to blame necessarily for the circumstances we ended up in. Life is just a clusterfuck of random chances and an unpredictable genetic lottery + random family placement on Earth.

The fact that you try is beautiful in itself and I don't see anyone as ugly but I can certainly relate to feeling that way.

I stumbled upon your post just now and wanted to just try and offer a few heartfelt words.

I think everyone here is stronger than people who have never gone through these levels of suffering will ever know. Not to say that makes any of the shitty things worth it just that you're probably the farthest from weak of many out there.

I'm not trying to negate your feelings or what you're saying and going through though, I understand how sometimes this type of response might feel like that and I just hope you know I'm listening and there's someone out there right now who's reading your vent and caring.

I definitely agree that life can be just one big shit show and can also relate to hating myself for things that have happened to me

I wish we could all turn back the clock and avoid all the negative experiences and hardships the second time so we can choose to never have to go through them in the first place.

Life is just too cruel. Here's to wishing you some sort of glimmer of light in your day, no matter definitely didnt feel like you were trying to downplay my feelings, ur response actually means alot to me so thank you

I didn't use to know how to love myself either. It's fucking hard when no one teaches you how to or how to put yourself first in life so while I may not understand completely, I feel like I can understand you to a certain extent in my own way

Sorry if this is odd to say since I haven't met you but I care and want you here if you want to stay I know it's not much.


Honestly personally I don't feel like any of us are really to blame necessarily for the circumstances we ended up in. Life is just a clusterfuck of random chances and an unpredictable genetic lottery + random family placement on Earth.

The fact that you try is beautiful in itself and I don't see anyone as ugly but I can certainly relate to feeling that way.

I stumbled upon your post just now and wanted to just try and offer a few heartfelt words.

I think everyone here is stronger than people who have never gone through these levels of suffering will ever know. Not to say that makes any of the shitty things worth it just that you're probably the farthest from weak of many out there.

I'm not trying to negate your feelings or what you're saying and going through though, I understand how sometimes this type of response might feel like that and I just hope you know I'm listening and there's someone out there right now who's reading your vent and caring.

I definitely agree that life can be just one big shit show and can also relate to hating myself for things that have happened to me

I wish we could all turn back the clock and avoid all the negative experiences and hardships the second time so we can choose to never have to go through them in the first place.

Life is just too cruel. Here's to wishing you some sort of glimmer of light in your day, no matter how small

i definitely didnt feel like you were trying to downplay my feelings, ur response actually means alot to me so thank you

& you saying that you care about me isnt odd at all & IS much to me. thank you for being a person who cares & taking time out ur day to make me feel seen <3

I know I shouldn't hate myself for things that aren't my fault but I can't stop, it's fully automated. No matter the original thought, it always spirals to hating myself and wanting to die, it's like a computer script. And I hate myself for it.

this. this is truly how i feel, every word stuck to me. no matter what i just always seem to hate myself. ill never get it