I hate myself :)

[•narc is typing…•]

When I was at my worst with my scrupulosity (religious OCD) I remember coming across Calvinist theology. It says that we are predestined: the 'elect' were chosen to go to heaven while the others (reprobates) were destined to go to hell before they were even born. I DO NOT believe in this theology but I do believe that I was born to fail; that I'm a faulty human being. For example, I have no passion for anything, I have no personality of my own (I take aspects of my favourite to show characters or celebs and use them as a sort of facade, currently using Brian Bell from Weezer and Viktor from Arcane, gLoriUs EVoLutiON and shit lmao) I dont like people or making friends, I'm lonely and I'm everything society despises (black, ugly, overweight etc) it's like I was born to fail and suffer. Also it doesn't help that I'm pretty sure I'm a covert narcissist (not diagnosed but I just feel like I'm a horrible person) though I don't like people or making friends, even if I did, I still wouldn't because I feel it is the best for people to stay away from me because I'm scared I'll just manipulate and use them like the narc I am (hence my username). I have absolutely no motivation to better myself because it's meaningless at the end of the day since we are all going to die and quite frankly I have given up many times purely for the fact that I'm a lazy mother trucker, it was only a matter of time before I gave up on myself. Anyways thanks for joining my TED Talk.

 

[Cathy Ames]

When I was at my worst with my scrupulosity (religious OCD) I remember coming across Calvinist theology. It says that we are predestined: the 'elect' were chosen to go to heaven while the others (reprobates) were destined to go to hell before they were even born. I DO NOT believe in this theology but I do believe that I was born to fail; that I'm a faulty human being. For example, I have no passion for anything, I have no personality of my own (I take aspects of my favourite to show characters or celebs and use them as a sort of facade, currently using Brian Bell from Weezer and Viktor from Arcane, gLoriUs EVoLutiON and shit lmao) I dont like people or making friends, I'm lonely and I'm everything society despises (black, ugly, overweight etc) it's like I was born to fail and suffer. Also it doesn't help that I'm pretty sure I'm a covert narcissist (not diagnosed but I just feel like I'm a horrible person) though I don't like people or making friends, even if I did, I still wouldn't because I feel it is the best for people to stay away from me because I'm scared I'll just manipulate and use them like the narc I am (hence my username). I have absolutely no motivation to better myself because it's meaningless at the end of the day since we are all going to die and quite frankly I have given up many times purely for the fact that I'm a lazy mother trucker, it was only a matter of time before I gave up on myself. Anyways thanks for joining my TED Talk.

To paraphrase someone else (probably incorrectly), "Welcome, and I'm very sorry to see you here."

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