Venting I hate myself sometimes

[lugerepair]

God. I'm so tired. Sometimes I get tired and then I can't tell people how I feel about them anymore. Sometimes I panic, sometimes I overthink. Sometimes it's too difficult to say "I care about you" to another human being. And then I feel like I've ruined something. But maybe it's all in my head.

I don't know what's all in my head and what's real anymore. Not in a psychotic way. In a neurotic way. I don't know where my reality ends and my neuroses begin. Or where reality ends and my mental disorder begins. I'm hurting. Far too much.

I'm hurting far too much to be able to consider things with any sort of sense of perspective. I don't want to be this person.

I tried to practice some sort of mindfulness exercise just now. Noticing my body only makes me notice how much I'm hurting.

In other news, some asshole professor was a dick to me today.

If I don't succeed in getting these educational credentials, and getting a job in the field afterward, I think I might be done for. I think I might actually have to kill myself.

If the world wasn't so shit, I wouldn't need to kill myself.

But society won't give me a decent life unless I work at a job that fucks up my mental health....and that's not a decent life. Society won't give me a decent life. It could, if the people in it collectively gave a fuck about people like me. But they don't.

 

[WornOutLife]

I think you're right in these points:

1) The world being shit: it certainly is

2) struggling with reality


I just hate the system but still, I've decided to give it one more shot and try to survive. Will I be able to do it? Who knows...

Anyway, wish you the best and hope you can find peace.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[lugerepair]

I think you're right in these points:

1) The world being shit: it certainly is

2) struggling with reality


I just hate the system but still, I've decided to give it one more shot and try to survive. Will I be able to do it? Who knows...

Anway, wish you the best and hope you can find peace.

Hugs and love,

Matt

Thank you Matt. I'm also giving it one more shot. I haven't quite given up yet. I hope it works out for us both.

 

[Jblack]

Lurerepair don't hate yourself. The way the world is today to total garbage. Folks may think they are progressing but I often feel we am moving backwards. People talk of getting along and being receptive to everyone's thoughts and life choices. Nothing farther from the true. I feel like I am in high school all over again. There are those popular people who stick together and gang up on those who are not part of the click. I always feel like I am on the outside looking in.

I respect your right to choose to exit, but please don't do it just because the world makes you feel unworthy. Believe me, I can relate to how you feel about this life in this world. I know I will not say this right, but if you wish to exit do it on your terms, don't exit because you think you hate your self. There a lots of folks on here who feel that they hate themselves and that their failures in life on somehow their fault. We will listen if you talks to us. Getting every bad card in life handed to you is very depressing, I know. For myself, I will exit when I just can't handle to cold, disrespectful world anymore. I will exit because I hate the world and not myself.

 

[lugerepair]

Lurerepair don't hate yourself. The way the world is today to total garbage. Folks may think they are progressing but I often feel we am moving backwards. People talk of getting along and being receptive to everyone's thoughts and life choices. Nothing farther from the true. I feel like I am in high school all over again. There are those popular people who stick together and gang up on those who are not part of the click. I always feel like I am on the outside looking in.

I respect your right to choose to exit, but please don't do it just because the world makes you feel unworthy. Believe me, I can relate to how you feel about this life in this world. I know I will not say this right, but if you wish to exit do it on your terms, don't exit because you think you hate your self. There a lots of folks on here who feel that they hate themselves and that their failures in life on somehow their fault. We will listen if you talks to us. Getting every bad card in life handed to you is very depressing, I know. For myself, I will exit when I just can't handle to cold, disrespectful world anymore. I will exit because I hate the world and not myself.

Thanks. I hate the world more than I hate myself. Well, there are some parts of the world that I like. Such as music, cute animals, and the friend I'm in love with (but he doesn't feel the same way about me and it hurts like fuck sometimes).