Venting I hate myself so much

[arcadia]

Why can't I just die why can't I just throw myself off a building or stab myself
I'm such a coward I don't want to tolerate this existence anymore I just want to be gone. I feel so disgusting I want to crawl out of my own skin I just wish someone could judge me. I want someone to look at how filthy and disgusting I am, I want someone to know how useless I am and I want them to tell me to do it. I just want to leave but I'm so worthless the act itself has me scared shitless, I've attempted in the past and failed, I'm so scared of failure. I'm so scared of those stares from everyone around you knowing what you did. I'm so scared I'm so guilty I threw away these opportunities given to me, it's all my fault I threw my life away. I just want to lie down and rot I want everyone to forget about me. I just want to die someone god please just kill me please I can't keep doing this I just want to leave. I'm so scared of continuing like this I can't keep doing it. I'm so scared of living like this. I wish I had a gun or something. I just want to leave. Why does my family insist on searching my room 24/7. Why can't I just use a knife or a building
I'm not even a person anymore what the fuck am I even writing? What have I done to myself?

 

[wish_to_live_again]

In very sorry to hear all the pain in your words.... I can intimately relate to many of those thoughts and feelings.

Without knowing detail about your situation, it's hard to say too much, except that people are here and will listen if you want to talk.
Can pm anytime if you want.

 

[iwantdeath6969]

i relate to everything you've said. since no one else will give me the judgment and cruelty i deserve i do everything i can to make it up and hurt myself as much as possible to create a life for myself that i feel i do deserve. you aren't alone

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly can be torture feeling so trapped in this hellish world, I just think the unfortunate reality is that suicide isn't straightforward to go through with. But I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.