Venting i hate myself so much this is so unbearable

[sillyprincessmeow]

i fuckingbhate myself so much. i hate looking in the mirror. i have been crying since i woke up. im in so nmuch pain. im hyoerventailing i feel so weak. my body is in so much oain. im in so much pain. i feel like im going throw up. i ghate my body so fucking much i wanna mutilate it. ive been hitting myelf and scratching mgself and doing everything i can to cause myself pain. my body is so hideous my boyfriedn could never love me. i dont look like a girl, i look like a boy. i hste my face. i hate my features. im literally fucki g going crazy. im going fucking crayxz. no one can help me. i cant. ive read so many forums on various websites abt how ppl do like my body but i cant understand that. i cant stop fucking crying, im gonna fuckingthrow up. i just wanna be pretyy. not even my boyfrindd love me enough to try and tell me why he thinks im poretty. everytime he does "try" its always
shit anyone could tell me. i waqnna die i wanna die i wanna die im goingfucking insane i am no longer stable i cant do this amore i have no desire to get better i wanna kill myslf. i fucking shaking i cant breathe. i have no one i have nothing, i will never be e ough. im gonna seriously hurt myself. i wana mutilate mysefl. i wanna stab mysefl. god pleasse someone live me. i jusr wanna be enough. im in so much pain. im so sad.no. this isnt even sadness. this is pure misery. oh god why why why why .;QEI;S3B4O i cant fuvkiong take this anymore no one can understand how thijs feels. im fucing shaking. theres so much going wrong. i csnt fuking breathe. i just want him to love me. my fucking friedn said i think its fuckig cute to delusional.. HOW FUCKING INSENSIVE COULD SHE FUCKING BE. IM FUCKI GS UFFERING I DO NOT FUCKING ENJOY THIS. judt because i casnt leave a piec of shit does not mean i enjoy this. im begging the universe to either kill me or just make me pretty. no amount of hepl can make me better. oh my god im fucking shaking so much. im gasping for air. oh my god im gonna do something bad tomysefl. im losig it. what is wrong with me. i jut wanna be enough. i feel dead
im unlovable aand unfixable and unwanted i have no purposwe here. i want to be gone.
why are my feelings so ccomplex. why doeos society mke me feel so ugly. why cant my body and facial features be considered cute. i cant wait to die

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing certainly can be painful and it really sounds like you've suffered a lot. It's such a cruel world that we exist in where people have to suffer all through no fault of their own.

 

[SilentSadness]

I also hate existing in this petty and sad world. You must be in a lot of pain, so I hope you find peace soon.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

i fuckingbhate myself so much. i hate looking in the mirror. i have been crying since i woke up. im in so nmuch pain. im hyoerventailing i feel so weak. my body is in so much oain. im in so much pain. i feel like im going throw up. i ghate my body so fucking much i wanna mutilate it. ive been hitting myelf and scratching mgself and doing everything i can to cause myself pain. my body is so hideous my boyfriedn could never love me. i dont look like a girl, i look like a boy. i hste my face. i hate my features. im literally fucki g going crazy. im going fucking crayxz. no one can help me. i cant. ive read so many forums on various websites abt how ppl do like my body but i cant understand that. i cant stop fucking crying, im gonna fuckingthrow up. i just wanna be pretyy. not even my boyfrindd love me enough to try and tell me why he thinks im poretty. everytime he does "try" its always
shit anyone could tell me. i waqnna die i wanna die i wanna die im goingfucking insane i am no longer stable i cant do this amore i have no desire to get better i wanna kill myslf. i fucking shaking i cant breathe. i have no one i have nothing, i will never be e ough. im gonna seriously hurt myself. i wana mutilate mysefl. i wanna stab mysefl. god pleasse someone live me. i jusr wanna be enough. im in so much pain. im so sad.no. this isnt even sadness. this is pure misery. oh god why why why why .;QEI;S3B4O i cant fuvkiong take this anymore no one can understand how thijs feels. im fucing shaking. theres so much going wrong. i csnt fuking breathe. i just want him to love me. my fucking friedn said i think its fuckig cute to delusional.. HOW FUCKING INSENSIVE COULD SHE FUCKING BE. IM FUCKI GS UFFERING I DO NOT FUCKING ENJOY THIS. judt because i casnt leave a piec of shit does not mean i enjoy this. im begging the universe to either kill me or just make me pretty. no amount of hepl can make me better. oh my god im fucking shaking so much. im gasping for air. oh my god im gonna do something bad tomysefl. im losig it. what is wrong with me. i jut wanna be enough. i feel dead
im unlovable aand unfixable and unwanted i have no purposwe here. i want to be gone.
why are my feelings so ccomplex. why doeos society mke me feel so ugly. why cant my body and facial features be considered cute. i cant wait to die

Did somebody said you were ugly, or do you think so? Or both?
I used to hate myself so much and self harmed a lot. Being trapped in a body you hate seems to be a torture.

 

[sillyprincessmeow]

Did somebody said you were ugly, or do you think so? Or both?
I used to hate myself so much and self harmed a lot. Being trapped in a body you hate seems to be a torture.

i think so and i used to be bullied a little. doesnt happen anymore but i consistently feel inadequate, i dont look like all the girls that are considered pretty, i would date myself. i really hate myself. i guess after the affects of being taunted i just dont think i could ever be attractive. no male would ever be attracted to me just because i have a petite body and i dont rly think my faqce is that feminine.
this truly feels like torture.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

i think so and i used to be bullied a little. doesnt happen anymore but i consistently feel inadequate, i dont look like all the girls that are considered pretty, i would date myself. i really hate myself. i guess after the affects of being taunted i just dont think i could ever be attractive. no male would ever be attracted to me just because i have a petite body and i dont rly think my faqce is that feminine.
this truly feels like torture.

Thanks for sharing.
I'm sorry to hear that. Bullying might have contributed to your self hate but sadly I can't say you are not ugly because I have never seen your pic. I think your feeling is valid as long as you hate your own appearance.
If you want to speak my PM is open
I wish you the best.

 

[sillyprincessmeow]

Thanks for sharing.
I'm sorry to hear that. Bullying might have contributed to your self hate but sadly I can't say you are not ugly because I have never seen your pic. I think your feeling is valid as long as you hate your own appearance.
If you want to speak my PM is open
I wish you the best.

thank you i appreciate that

 

[Sulyya]

I relate to self-hate for appearance - I have seen my friend call me ugly in a text (they didn't know that I saw). It's just something I accept as it is now and try not to think about. But when I am in a breakdown state, like you may be in today, it is always part of that. Best wishes.

 

[Mimi_]

It really saddened me to read that you are going through so much suffering. But I can't imagine anyone staying with you if they don't like you a little. Some people are simply not good at explaining the reasons for their love.

 

[downndone2]

I'm so sorry. I can certainly relate to self-hatred over the last several yrs.

 

[AngelicPsychedelic]

i fuckingbhate myself so much. i hate looking in the mirror. i have been crying since i woke up. im in so nmuch pain. im hyoerventailing i feel so weak. my body is in so much oain. im in so much pain. i feel like im going throw up. i ghate my body so fucking much i wanna mutilate it. ive been hitting myelf and scratching mgself and doing everything i can to cause myself pain. my body is so hideous my boyfriedn could never love me. i dont look like a girl, i look like a boy. i hste my face. i hate my features. im literally fucki g going crazy. im going fucking crayxz. no one can help me. i cant. ive read so many forums on various websites abt how ppl do like my body but i cant understand that. i cant stop fucking crying, im gonna fuckingthrow up. i just wanna be pretyy. not even my boyfrindd love me enough to try and tell me why he thinks im poretty. everytime he does "try" its always
shit anyone could tell me. i waqnna die i wanna die i wanna die im goingfucking insane i am no longer stable i cant do this amore i have no desire to get better i wanna kill myslf. i fucking shaking i cant breathe. i have no one i have nothing, i will never be e ough. im gonna seriously hurt myself. i wana mutilate mysefl. i wanna stab mysefl. god pleasse someone live me. i jusr wanna be enough. im in so much pain. im so sad.no. this isnt even sadness. this is pure misery. oh god why why why why .;QEI;S3B4O i cant fuvkiong take this anymore no one can understand how thijs feels. im fucing shaking. theres so much going wrong. i csnt fuking breathe. i just want him to love me. my fucking friedn said i think its fuckig cute to delusional.. HOW FUCKING INSENSIVE COULD SHE FUCKING BE. IM FUCKI GS UFFERING I DO NOT FUCKING ENJOY THIS. judt because i casnt leave a piec of shit does not mean i enjoy this. im begging the universe to either kill me or just make me pretty. no amount of hepl can make me better. oh my god im fucking shaking so much. im gasping for air. oh my god im gonna do something bad tomysefl. im losig it. what is wrong with me. i jut wanna be enough. i feel dead
im unlovable aand unfixable and unwanted i have no purposwe here. i want to be gone.
why are my feelings so ccomplex. why doeos society mke me feel so ugly. why cant my body and facial features be considered cute. i cant wait to die

I know what It's like :( Back when I used to hate my appearance I wished I could be anyone else and I'd cry myself to sleep literally everyday. To be honest I still feel ugly sometimes. Personally becoming alternative helped me a lot, just thinking fuck the beuty standards why should I care what other ppl think about me, I'm going to dress to express myself. I understand that doesn't work for everyone though.
In your case it does sound like body dysmorphia! Look into it if you have time! If youre (might be against site rules so redacted) on insta it's definitely that! I could use may words to describe you, ugly would definitely NOT be one of them!! I hope you learn to love yourself, bc you are very much lovable!!

 

[Sulyya]

I think it may be against the site rules to post your social Ids - if I'm right it needs to be DM'd, @sillyprincessmeow. If so maybe edit the post just in case?

Regardless, If the page I see is correct, I think your appearance anxiety may be from some kind of lying/bullying, or the extreme societal image pressures out there, or maybe some kind of body dysmorphia disorder, as you appear to be a pretty young lady. Self consciousness around appearance is a difficult thing to alter - when people provide a compliment, like this, then sometimes we tell ourselves that they must be lying. I do it a lot also. Nevertheless I am being honest and I think just about anyone here would agree.


(@Runekat we posted the same viewpoint at the same instant )

 

[sillyprincessmeow]

I know what It's like :( Back when I used to hate my appearance I wished I could be anyone else and I'd cry myself to sleep literally everyday. To be honest I still feel ugly sometimes. Personally becoming alternative helped me a lot, just thinking fuck the beuty standards why should I care what other ppl think about me, I'm going to dress to express myself. I understand that doesn't work for everyone though.
In your case it does sound like body dysmorphia! Look into it if you have time! If youre (might be against site rules so redacted) on insta it's definitely that! I could use may words to describe you, ugly would definitely NOT be one of them!! I hope you learn to love yourself, bc you are very much lovable!!

i have heard of bdd and i guess i do believe is a possibility i have it. i just dont even know if professional help would even make a difference. i feel like im too messed up to fix

I think it may be against the site rules to post your social Ids - if I'm right it needs to be DM'd, @sillyprincessmeow. If so maybe edit the post just in case?

Regardless, If the page I see is correct, I think your appearance anxiety may be from some kind of lying/bullying, or the extreme societal image pressures out there, or maybe some kind of body dysmorphia disorder, as you appear to be a pretty young lady. Self consciousness around appearance is a difficult thing to alter - when people provide a compliment, like this, then sometimes we tell ourselves that they must be lying. I do it a lot also. Nevertheless I am being honest and I think just about anyone here would agree.


(@Runekat we posted the same viewpoint at the same instant )

thank you to both you and runekat for correcting my mistake in my post (:
anyway yeah i that does make a lot of sense, im just exhausted... literally sufffering as i green out rn >.< horrible
i just dont rly know whats wrong with me but its okay oh well
and also thank you both for telling me im pretty, thats nice of you guys

 

[Heartbroken2022]

I understand you, I have had same feelings and thoughts. I still go through this process sometimes.
So, don't feel alone.
And don't say that you are not beautiful. I am also not beautiful according to people's standards. But, still, the important thing is what you believe for yourself, not what others say.