I hate myself for wanting to do this

[Amz_Falls]

Why can't I just be a descent person.

 

[woxihuanni]

Nah, but why don't you think of a peaceful method for your own sake?

 

[Stan]

Apologies if this sounds judgemental but you asked for an opinion. I could never do a method where someone else gets harmed either physically or mentally. The traindriver will see you and perhaps depending on their viewing capacity with windows, see the impact. I can't imagine that someone who was just going to work to earn a living be ok after that.

 

[Yorkshire91]

I agree with @woxihuanni . After putting yourself through such a violent experience why not try find a more peaceful exit. Wish you all the best friend.

 

[Amz_Falls]

Apologies if this sounds judgemental but you asked for an opinion. I could never do a method where someone else gets harmed either physically or mentally. The traindriver will see you and perhaps depending on their viewing capacity with windows, see the impact. I can't imagine that someone who was just going to work to earn a living be ok after that.

No apologises needed.
I know mate :-( I've always been a really compassionate and caring person - hell when I jumped I waited for them to clear the roads below so an innocent person wasn't involved.
That's why I don't understand why I'm so hell bent on doing this. I can't shake it off. It's not like I don't know what I'm doing, hence why I'm so much of a fucking asshole.
Don't know what the fuck to do.

 

[Stan]

Don't know what the fuck to do.

take a look at all the different megathreads here. Plenty of information for you to make an informed decision.

 

[BPD_LE]

What about doing it at night? Driver less likely to see you.

 

[Aunt Paula]

As many of you are aware I recently survived jumping and now have fucked up my body and life for ever.
Previously I have stood in front of a train but locked eyes with the driver and the sound of the emergency brakes screeching and the horn spooked me last minute. I thought I could never put the poor driver through that. The trains were cancelled for 2 hours because he thought he'd hit me and were looking for my body.
Now however my urge to CTB by train is so fucking strong and I believe I can go through with it. Jumping obviously didn't work. I have it all planned for as soon as I get out of hospital. I thought after 5 months being in hospital I'd feel 'lucky to have survived' but that couldn't be more wrong.
I don't and would never judge anyone using this method but it really does make me a fucking asshole right?

Please please please don't use that method! Not very nice to leave an innocent person with PTSD

 

[Rachel74]

I think involving someone else in your quest to die is selfish. Train drivers are known to suffer PTSD after incidents like this and some have even committed suicide themselves. Yes it makes you a fucking asshole in my mind.

 

[Astral316]

A descent person? Is that a spelling error or the pun of the year?

Edit: Anyway, I've thought about this method... whenever the train passed me I'd just stare at the wheels rolling by and I'd imagine myself laying my neck on the rail. The train conductor would be none the wiser if one of the wheels were to lop my head off. You need balls for this method though, figuratively speaking.

 

[OnlyMercy]

I know this is a controversial view but I think that train drivers are well aware of the fact that people may very well commit suicide by way of train. They have nevertheless chosen to STILL accept the job knowing that this is an "occupational hazard" of some sort. The least you could do is find a way to compensate the driver from your deceased estate should he need the time off work to recover from any possible PTSD.

 

[Stan]

I know this is a controversial view but I think that train drivers are well aware of the fact that people may very well commit suicide by way of train. They have nevertheless chosen to STILL accept the job knowing that this is an "occupational hazard" of some sort. The least you could do is find a way to compensate the driver from your deceased estate should he need the time off work to recover from any possible PTSD.

Yep, thats controversial - bound to get a few replies from that statement

 

[OnlyMercy]

Yep, thats controversial - bound to get a few replies from that statement

I have no intention of undermining or downplaying the suffering that train drivers may experience but that is my honest view on the matter.

 

[BPD_LE]

Personally I don't judge @Amz_Falls for these suicidal thoughts. When you're desperate, logic can go out the window and she's clearly distressed.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I think since you are posting here, CLEARLY you are more decent than you think otherwise you would have already said fuck it & thrown yourself on the tracks already.... plus you tried once and saw eyes of conducter... so its clear you are conflicted. Being conflicted and simply considering the act shows you still have your humanity intact even in the face of extreme suffering... whuch I sense is the case fir the majority of people here... Also pain, suffering and traumatized mental states do cause us to consider acting out of alignment with what is rational or good.... but I would say for your OWN SAKE first, please consider a more peaceful method. Sometimes the mind can get obsessed with a method for reasons that dont reflect our truth...So many of us struggle with self loathing, regret, guilt.... Im not sure what you carry inside, but whatever it is, I dont see a bad person, even if you did end up throwing yourself on the tracks... Ultimately, I just see a hurting person who is trying to figure how to end thier excruciating suffering and is having a difficult time doing so.... I feel with you. .. its fucking hard, especially when you still have enough humanity left within to conflict with the desire to just get the fuck out of this shithole of life at any cost, cause you still are carrying the burden of thiking of someone else and you may find you cannot do otherwise... which is a blessing because you arent evil and a curse because it is an impediment to boarding the bus....

Huggz

 

[Amz_Falls]

I think since you are posting here, CLEARLY you are more decent than you think otherwise you would have already said fuck it & thrown yourself on the tracks already.... plus you tried once and saw eyes of conducter... so its clear you are conflicted. Being conflicted and simply considering the act shows you still have your humanity intact even in the face of extreme suffering... whuch I sense is the case fir the majority of people here... Also pain, suffering and traumatized mental states do cause us to consider acting out of alignment with what is rational or good.... but I would say for your OWN SAKE first, please consider a more peaceful method. Sometimes the mind can get obsessed with a method for reasons that dont reflect our truth...So many of us struggle with self loathing, regret, guilt.... Im not sure what you carry inside, but whatever it is, I dont see a bad person, even if you did end up throwing yourself on the tracks... Ultimately, I just see a hurting person who is trying to figure how to end thier excruciating suffering and is having a difficult time doing so.... I feel with you. .. its fucking hard, especially when you still have enough humanity left within to conflict with the desire to just get the fuck out of this shithole of life at any cost, cause you still are carrying the burden of thiking of someone else and you may find you cannot do otherwise... which is a blessing because you arent evil and a curse because it is an impediment to boarding the bus....

Huggz

That is one of the most genuine and thoughtful things I've read. Thank you for speaking so much truth. You've really hit it spot on how I'm feeling

I think involving someone else in your quest to die is selfish. Train drivers are known to suffer PTSD after incidents like this and some have even committed suicide themselves. Yes it makes you a fucking asshole in my mind.

I completely agree with you. I've read recently of a train drivers suicide due to this. That's why I hate myself so much for really considering it. How the fuck do I stop being an asshole though? I so wish it was just as easy as not doing it. Hell I have a friend who's a driver. I'm absolutely consumed by it though. Does that make any sense? I'm well open to abuse for it as I know what a horrible thing it is to do.

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

Please don't think badly of yourself. This life and the world we live in makes us who we are.
This world is so messed up and we wonder why people want out?? Really? I often wonder why do people want to live in this sick twisted evil place.