Misery99
Experienced
- May 12, 2020
- 203
I hate how I was cursed with the most selfish and narcissistic parents and how they manipulated me to prioritize their own needs instead of my own needs. I had other older siblings too but my evil parents chose me to be their scapegoat. I could not do anything without their approval. They controlled my dating life and everything. I didn't have the freedom for dating and find a boyfriend like girls in my age usually would and I was already about 25 years old and haven't even had my first date or first kiss.
I wanted to meet a guy whom I met online and when I revealed it to my mom she acted like such a crazy b*tch and acted like it was the end of the world. She told everyone in the family about it and my stupid father who is also a such foul-mouthed egocentric idiot was taking my mom's side. Little did he knew that his children's mother was screwing around with some other men throughout many years behind his back but I had the patience of a saint to not reveal it him or anybody else.
All my parents wanted was money from me so they can live off it but I was struggling to hold a job and function like a normal human being in the society because of my high functioning Autism. My parents were poor and uneducated people so they probably were not aware about the Autism issue and majority of the people in my country are not acknowledged about complex issues like those. Even I didn't know about me having high functioning Autism until I started to research more about it online. But even if I could not handle a job, if I got a boyfriend, they wanted him to be very generous so they could get some financial support from him.
So after awhile I met another guy online later and he fit that category because he used to send gifts and such even without me asking for them. So my parents were very happy for him to meet me and take me to anywhere he wanted. He also supported me by helping for me to make an online tasks account on his behalf so I could earn some money from it. Since it was too stressful for me to hold a real job but my parents were expecting to live off me, it felt like a big support during that time frame of my life. Then after some time he met me in my home country and he took my virginity back in 2021. He was a very nice person when compared to the local men so I liked him too and our relationship got serious overtime. But I felt like our relationship wasn't fully compatible since the beginning because of me being Autistic, suicidal and I hated the idea of having kids and being close to his family members etc. He's a Neurotypical person who needs family and children and he's very close to his family members.
After our marriage and waiting for years, I'm at his home now and his mother is also living with us. I find living with the mother in law very stressful because it makes me feel exhausted for the expectation to be socialized with her. I'd much rather live alone or just with a partner. I didn't like to socialize even with my own family so living trapped in a tiny place like this with another person makes me feel miserable. And mother in laws in general can be mean and problematic.
I wish I didn't do this. I got to knew someone from SS website back in 2020 when I newly joined here. He messaged me throughout the years but not constantly. Sometimes we didn't message each other for many months and almost a year. But we had lots of things in common. He was living alone and without any contact with his family. He suggested to meet me in person but it didn't happen quickly due to him being from another country and other issues. But when I told him about my partner's plans to marry me in my home country, he asked me if it's possible to postpone it so we could meet each other and see if we are compatible and if not I can proceed with the marriage but I was acting like a fool again and told my mom about that situation hoping she would give me a helpful guide. Daughters usually like to share their secrets with their mothers and get helpful advice from them but I was foolish enough to think that a mother who would disrespect me enough by having sex with her male lovers while I was inside the home too would have any good intentions for me. So she said that it would be better if I get married to my long term partner. She probably told that because he was being very generous with them. I also felt like it would be a horrible idea to betray my partner after all he had done for my family on behalf of me. I felt like I owe him money for that. Also I was worried about upsetting him if I told him my idea about postponing the marriage a little.
After the marriage, then I had some unintentional chemical accident and I was having very bad health issues for about a year...so that whole year got wasted with me having to take lots of medicine and having to deal with the side effects. I managed to meet my friend from SS a long time later in person because he visited me eventually but I was already married and my visa got approved so he didn't feel like it was good to intervene in this situation. He was also having troubles with his work as he was antisocial and didn't like dealing with the coworkers. He told me before that he was feeling suicidal a lot lately. I hope that he's still alive. His plan was to get married and live with me in my country and live some years together happily and then ctb if we ran out of money. No kids or any other responsiblities like that. Because he hated the idea of being a parent just like I do. I actually liked that idea of living some years with a life partner until ctb because I was okay with ctb since the beginning and I would not have to worry about having children or living with a mother in law. And I would not have to hide my true self from him and hide my suicidal tendencies. But after I got married he could not come to my country and live in it as a foreigner because a foreigner needs to marry a local woman in order to qualify to live there.
So all this mess happened because I was living my life for others and not for myself. Most normal people would not sacrifice their life or happiness for the needs of their family but I was such a weirdo to do that.
He always said that the nature and simplicity in my country was very beautiful and I understand now what he meant by after coming and seeing here. People live trapped in their tiny apartments and they do not have any gardens with nature, fruits or flower trees here. I miss that already but what can I do now.
I wanted to meet a guy whom I met online and when I revealed it to my mom she acted like such a crazy b*tch and acted like it was the end of the world. She told everyone in the family about it and my stupid father who is also a such foul-mouthed egocentric idiot was taking my mom's side. Little did he knew that his children's mother was screwing around with some other men throughout many years behind his back but I had the patience of a saint to not reveal it him or anybody else.
All my parents wanted was money from me so they can live off it but I was struggling to hold a job and function like a normal human being in the society because of my high functioning Autism. My parents were poor and uneducated people so they probably were not aware about the Autism issue and majority of the people in my country are not acknowledged about complex issues like those. Even I didn't know about me having high functioning Autism until I started to research more about it online. But even if I could not handle a job, if I got a boyfriend, they wanted him to be very generous so they could get some financial support from him.
So after awhile I met another guy online later and he fit that category because he used to send gifts and such even without me asking for them. So my parents were very happy for him to meet me and take me to anywhere he wanted. He also supported me by helping for me to make an online tasks account on his behalf so I could earn some money from it. Since it was too stressful for me to hold a real job but my parents were expecting to live off me, it felt like a big support during that time frame of my life. Then after some time he met me in my home country and he took my virginity back in 2021. He was a very nice person when compared to the local men so I liked him too and our relationship got serious overtime. But I felt like our relationship wasn't fully compatible since the beginning because of me being Autistic, suicidal and I hated the idea of having kids and being close to his family members etc. He's a Neurotypical person who needs family and children and he's very close to his family members.
After our marriage and waiting for years, I'm at his home now and his mother is also living with us. I find living with the mother in law very stressful because it makes me feel exhausted for the expectation to be socialized with her. I'd much rather live alone or just with a partner. I didn't like to socialize even with my own family so living trapped in a tiny place like this with another person makes me feel miserable. And mother in laws in general can be mean and problematic.
I wish I didn't do this. I got to knew someone from SS website back in 2020 when I newly joined here. He messaged me throughout the years but not constantly. Sometimes we didn't message each other for many months and almost a year. But we had lots of things in common. He was living alone and without any contact with his family. He suggested to meet me in person but it didn't happen quickly due to him being from another country and other issues. But when I told him about my partner's plans to marry me in my home country, he asked me if it's possible to postpone it so we could meet each other and see if we are compatible and if not I can proceed with the marriage but I was acting like a fool again and told my mom about that situation hoping she would give me a helpful guide. Daughters usually like to share their secrets with their mothers and get helpful advice from them but I was foolish enough to think that a mother who would disrespect me enough by having sex with her male lovers while I was inside the home too would have any good intentions for me. So she said that it would be better if I get married to my long term partner. She probably told that because he was being very generous with them. I also felt like it would be a horrible idea to betray my partner after all he had done for my family on behalf of me. I felt like I owe him money for that. Also I was worried about upsetting him if I told him my idea about postponing the marriage a little.
After the marriage, then I had some unintentional chemical accident and I was having very bad health issues for about a year...so that whole year got wasted with me having to take lots of medicine and having to deal with the side effects. I managed to meet my friend from SS a long time later in person because he visited me eventually but I was already married and my visa got approved so he didn't feel like it was good to intervene in this situation. He was also having troubles with his work as he was antisocial and didn't like dealing with the coworkers. He told me before that he was feeling suicidal a lot lately. I hope that he's still alive. His plan was to get married and live with me in my country and live some years together happily and then ctb if we ran out of money. No kids or any other responsiblities like that. Because he hated the idea of being a parent just like I do. I actually liked that idea of living some years with a life partner until ctb because I was okay with ctb since the beginning and I would not have to worry about having children or living with a mother in law. And I would not have to hide my true self from him and hide my suicidal tendencies. But after I got married he could not come to my country and live in it as a foreigner because a foreigner needs to marry a local woman in order to qualify to live there.
So all this mess happened because I was living my life for others and not for myself. Most normal people would not sacrifice their life or happiness for the needs of their family but I was such a weirdo to do that.
He always said that the nature and simplicity in my country was very beautiful and I understand now what he meant by after coming and seeing here. People live trapped in their tiny apartments and they do not have any gardens with nature, fruits or flower trees here. I miss that already but what can I do now.
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