Thisgirlwantstosleep
A pointless life had in a pointless world
- Mar 11, 2019
- 130
I've had a deep disliking for my older brother for years now.
He made home life hellish. A combative, aggressive, violent, loud, argumentative, misogynistic individual that contributed to my BPD/CPTSD.
I saw too much bullshit and was put through too much at his hands of which he probably learned from my psychotic dad who was a woman beater and still is a garbage human being. He's most likely a narcissist; he can sing and dance and charm his way into making people think he's no more than a loveable oaf so they're none the wiser to his brutish ways.
Seeing him beat my mum, and having be placed from women's hostel to women's hostel is what probably ignited my brothers hatred for women and his general emotional issues. Most of which was directed towards my mum, strangely. The only way he sees the world is through anger. He has sympathy for no one but himself.
He blames my mum for the fact that he decided to sell drugs because she didn't take him to Karate lessons. Because she couldn't find a way for him to preoccupy his time. Most people just read fucking books. And the other boys in our shitty area with the same circumstances as him managed to not fall into that lifestyle.
The house got raided by police when I was 11 because of his drug selling. They arrested him and my mum. They were going to take away my younger brother with autism/emotional issues because my sister was only 17 and they said she wasn't old enough to look after him but his dad came thankfully.
He got arrested again when I was 13 because he was visiting some unorthodox people who were already being watched by the police. There was the possibility of him going down for years.
My mums very superstitious so she used most of her savings to pay a witch doctor to help with the trial.
He got let off.
It's hard to feel sorry for him in any capacity because he's been such an awful person towards me.
I remember having to look after my younger brother a lot when I was in year 9 (14/15) because my mum done nursing nightshifts.
So I'd have to put him to bed, get him ready for school and take him in the morning. I can't remember why but my stepdad was arguing with my mum as per usual about the childcare of my younger brother and the subject of me getting him to school and stuff came up and I said that's its not my responsibility. And my sociopathic older brother says to me very rudely that "it is my responsibility" . Um how about you stop selling drugs and you do it? Seeing as you're the adult.
I spent way too much time looking after my younger brother as it is whose behaviour was so bad strangers would approach me in public asking me to do something about it.
My older brother would always come in late from selling his drugs and it would sometimes wake my younger brother up and it was such a nightmare getting him back to sleep.
There was this one time where I was unfortunately spending time with my older brother and we decided to get an Indian takeaway and he asked me about what's in a tikka masala. I just guessed and it was wrong and he proceded to call me, "a fucking idiot". Why didn't you just ask the restaurant to describe the dish? Who gets angry over such a stupid mistake?
There was this other time when we were all in his car and my younger brother was messing about with the back to which my older brother got out of the car and proceeded to punch him in the chest. My older brother was in his 20s and my younger brother was maybe 7-8. My younger brother started crying and I started crying and I proceeded to tell my older brother that I hate him and then called me a little bitch and started screaming and swearing about the fact that I hate him and how I'm wrong for hating him.
I hate you because you're a literal fucking monster.
Anyway in that discussion he basically said that I'm disgusting because I left blood my period blood in the shower and he cleaned it out for me, to showcase how much he does for me I guess. I then told him I'm not on my period so it wasn't my fucking blood, to which my mum said it was hers. She was in the car by the way but she never has, and still doesn't, say much against his disgusting behaviour. When kind of thing is that to say to your teenage little sister? There's too many things wrong with that to write here. That whole entire weird bullshit argument was him saying he does a lot for me and I have no right to hate him.
Whenever he argues with my mum he shouts and swears at her, which was really distressing to witness growing up. I'd try to intervene and he'd just shout and swear at me instead and tell me to "not get involved". So I'd just have to quietly listen to these horrible awful arguments going on all the time.
He's emotionally and financially abusive and will force you to accept things from him just so he can then later throw it in your face.
He's a seems incapable of displaying genuine human love and affection; just a textbook abuser. The one's that will beat you and then convince you that it's not so bad because they pay all the bills and give you a place to stay.
He just has issues. Like he'd bring up the fact he used to change my nappies for me as a child in a really resentful way, "I used to change your shitty nappies for you". Like I didn't fucking ask you to do that you freak I was a baby.
Other weird and fucked up things that he's done include:
-Saying he has to pay me to make his bed during an argument. I must have been 12. Why would I make your fucking bed anyway, irrespective of being paid?
-Spoke about his pregnant girlfriend in the most disgusting way on the phone to my mum. Saying that women are useless and ruin men's lives and he's more or less using her as an incubator. He's called her a bitch and all sorts before and yet she still had a child with him, even though he got arrested again after those other 2 times (that I know of). They had an argument within the first month of the baby being born to which my older brother told her, "I don't care about you, only the baby", and I definitely believe him. My mum said he didn't mean it but that whole situation is just a ticking time bomb and I don't give two shits about it because me and my mum literally told her she could do better once.
-Is still a rude and generally unpleasant condescending asshole to this day. I unfortunately had to rely on him to take me to a viewing to a flat and we got into a pointless discussion about a bullshit topic and I didn't care about and when I couldn't answer a question of his he proceeded to tell me I "don't know anything at all".
- about my suicide attempts, "if she was going to do it, she would've done it already."
-He's also a gaslighting cunt, tries to force me to talk to my woman beating dad saying he's not that bad and I shouldn't hate him because he hasn't beaten me up, even though he's done plenty of fucked up shit to me and I love my mum so anyone who does he wrong is the devil in my eyes.
He constantly likes to tell me I don't have problems in life and his life is worse. Constantly gaslights me.
My entire family is fucked and this isn't even half of all the shit that's happened.
A lot of my insecurities and mood instability is thanks to this horrible bastard.
I was actually going to leave him a letter after I kill myself saying that I hate him and he's caused me a lot of trauma because I know him and my narc dad are just going to make it about them and continue to curse my name saying how I've always been a weirdo even though I'm dead.
He made home life hellish. A combative, aggressive, violent, loud, argumentative, misogynistic individual that contributed to my BPD/CPTSD.
I saw too much bullshit and was put through too much at his hands of which he probably learned from my psychotic dad who was a woman beater and still is a garbage human being. He's most likely a narcissist; he can sing and dance and charm his way into making people think he's no more than a loveable oaf so they're none the wiser to his brutish ways.
Seeing him beat my mum, and having be placed from women's hostel to women's hostel is what probably ignited my brothers hatred for women and his general emotional issues. Most of which was directed towards my mum, strangely. The only way he sees the world is through anger. He has sympathy for no one but himself.
He blames my mum for the fact that he decided to sell drugs because she didn't take him to Karate lessons. Because she couldn't find a way for him to preoccupy his time. Most people just read fucking books. And the other boys in our shitty area with the same circumstances as him managed to not fall into that lifestyle.
The house got raided by police when I was 11 because of his drug selling. They arrested him and my mum. They were going to take away my younger brother with autism/emotional issues because my sister was only 17 and they said she wasn't old enough to look after him but his dad came thankfully.
He got arrested again when I was 13 because he was visiting some unorthodox people who were already being watched by the police. There was the possibility of him going down for years.
My mums very superstitious so she used most of her savings to pay a witch doctor to help with the trial.
He got let off.
It's hard to feel sorry for him in any capacity because he's been such an awful person towards me.
I remember having to look after my younger brother a lot when I was in year 9 (14/15) because my mum done nursing nightshifts.
So I'd have to put him to bed, get him ready for school and take him in the morning. I can't remember why but my stepdad was arguing with my mum as per usual about the childcare of my younger brother and the subject of me getting him to school and stuff came up and I said that's its not my responsibility. And my sociopathic older brother says to me very rudely that "it is my responsibility" . Um how about you stop selling drugs and you do it? Seeing as you're the adult.
I spent way too much time looking after my younger brother as it is whose behaviour was so bad strangers would approach me in public asking me to do something about it.
My older brother would always come in late from selling his drugs and it would sometimes wake my younger brother up and it was such a nightmare getting him back to sleep.
There was this one time where I was unfortunately spending time with my older brother and we decided to get an Indian takeaway and he asked me about what's in a tikka masala. I just guessed and it was wrong and he proceded to call me, "a fucking idiot". Why didn't you just ask the restaurant to describe the dish? Who gets angry over such a stupid mistake?
There was this other time when we were all in his car and my younger brother was messing about with the back to which my older brother got out of the car and proceeded to punch him in the chest. My older brother was in his 20s and my younger brother was maybe 7-8. My younger brother started crying and I started crying and I proceeded to tell my older brother that I hate him and then called me a little bitch and started screaming and swearing about the fact that I hate him and how I'm wrong for hating him.
I hate you because you're a literal fucking monster.
Anyway in that discussion he basically said that I'm disgusting because I left blood my period blood in the shower and he cleaned it out for me, to showcase how much he does for me I guess. I then told him I'm not on my period so it wasn't my fucking blood, to which my mum said it was hers. She was in the car by the way but she never has, and still doesn't, say much against his disgusting behaviour. When kind of thing is that to say to your teenage little sister? There's too many things wrong with that to write here. That whole entire weird bullshit argument was him saying he does a lot for me and I have no right to hate him.
Whenever he argues with my mum he shouts and swears at her, which was really distressing to witness growing up. I'd try to intervene and he'd just shout and swear at me instead and tell me to "not get involved". So I'd just have to quietly listen to these horrible awful arguments going on all the time.
He's emotionally and financially abusive and will force you to accept things from him just so he can then later throw it in your face.
He's a seems incapable of displaying genuine human love and affection; just a textbook abuser. The one's that will beat you and then convince you that it's not so bad because they pay all the bills and give you a place to stay.
He just has issues. Like he'd bring up the fact he used to change my nappies for me as a child in a really resentful way, "I used to change your shitty nappies for you". Like I didn't fucking ask you to do that you freak I was a baby.
Other weird and fucked up things that he's done include:
-Saying he has to pay me to make his bed during an argument. I must have been 12. Why would I make your fucking bed anyway, irrespective of being paid?
-Spoke about his pregnant girlfriend in the most disgusting way on the phone to my mum. Saying that women are useless and ruin men's lives and he's more or less using her as an incubator. He's called her a bitch and all sorts before and yet she still had a child with him, even though he got arrested again after those other 2 times (that I know of). They had an argument within the first month of the baby being born to which my older brother told her, "I don't care about you, only the baby", and I definitely believe him. My mum said he didn't mean it but that whole situation is just a ticking time bomb and I don't give two shits about it because me and my mum literally told her she could do better once.
-Is still a rude and generally unpleasant condescending asshole to this day. I unfortunately had to rely on him to take me to a viewing to a flat and we got into a pointless discussion about a bullshit topic and I didn't care about and when I couldn't answer a question of his he proceeded to tell me I "don't know anything at all".
- about my suicide attempts, "if she was going to do it, she would've done it already."
-He's also a gaslighting cunt, tries to force me to talk to my woman beating dad saying he's not that bad and I shouldn't hate him because he hasn't beaten me up, even though he's done plenty of fucked up shit to me and I love my mum so anyone who does he wrong is the devil in my eyes.
He constantly likes to tell me I don't have problems in life and his life is worse. Constantly gaslights me.
My entire family is fucked and this isn't even half of all the shit that's happened.
A lot of my insecurities and mood instability is thanks to this horrible bastard.
I was actually going to leave him a letter after I kill myself saying that I hate him and he's caused me a lot of trauma because I know him and my narc dad are just going to make it about them and continue to curse my name saying how I've always been a weirdo even though I'm dead.
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