I hate my life

[anxiousmess0471]

I truly hate my life. I grew up pretty privileged and I recently was in medical school. I dropped out after the anxiety got so bad that I continuously wanted to kill myself. Now that I'm out, I still feel like killing myself. I feel like such a failure with no prospects for my future. I have friends that are still in their medical school journey and they're going to be making so much more than I could even imagine earning. I just wish I could end it all and not have to deal with the future because it's looking really bleak for me. I regret dropping out, but I know I couldn't handle it without losing my mind. I don't know what to do anymore, I wish I could stop feeling this way. I wish everything would just stop and I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I don't understand why there are no options for people who want to kill themselves. It shouldn't have to be this hard. Why do I have to live with this shame, anxiety, depression, and all these negative feelings if I don't want to?

 

[sewycidial]

Thats tough dude but you are probably capable of a lot of other things time will heal that decision to drop out and maybe u can even try again? i feel you also though cause me not being barely capable to do my comp sci degree rn makes me wanna ctb even more

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it so cruel and dreadful how suicide isn't seen as a valid option at all, to me it really would be such a relief having the option to easily cease existing in peace, we certainly shouldn't have to struggle so much to leave this world. But anyway I wish you the best, it must be really tiring what you are going through.

 

[anxiousmess0471]

Thats tough dude but you are probably capable of a lot of other things time will heal that decision to drop out and maybe u can even try again? i feel you also though cause me not being barely capable to do my comp sci degree rn makes me wanna ctb even more

I'm sorry you're feeling that way about computer science. I guess I need time to heal. But this shit right now sucks. I feel like I'll always be bitter. And killing myself seems easier than having to feel bitter for idk how many years

 

[mysteryboy]

My life is a joke. Don't think I'll ever be able to handle it on my own without the support of my family. I dropped out of college twice already :/

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Did anything major derail you from your path to finishing med school? Did you burn out from grinding yourself so hard in your earlier years?

 

[anxiousmess0471]

Did anything major derail you from your path to finishing med school? Did you burn out from grinding yourself so hard in your earlier years?

I took a leave of absence due to the same anxiety and suicidal thoughts. And I thought I fixed my problems before starting again. But those same issues came up again. And this time I didn't have the option of another leave of absence. So I withdrew.

My life is a joke. Don't think I'll ever be able to handle it on my own without the support of my family. I dropped out of college twice already :/

I'm sorry to hear that. I feel your pain. I'm also living with my parents right now