Venting I hate my life, suicide is always on my mind

[taylor321]

I got to wake up to yelling today, I fell asleep sad and lonely. I wanted to be dead by now but I struggle with even going out because I've lost hope. I don't want to still be here by December and just the thought of it scares me and makes me sick. Sometimes I wish it were easier to just hire a hitman on myself. Last night before I went to sleep I was looking up "how to drown yourself". I wish it were easier to commit suicide painlessly.

 

[sapegato95]

Welcome to this life it sucks if your not happy

 

[Good4Nothing]

Me too, man. Loneliness is killing me. I think about suicide every day.

 

[wanttodie]

me to i hate life and I think about suicide every day.

 

[greekyfish10]

i understand how you feel i think about suicide everyday too. life is fucked up. everything just kicks you around and things just seem to keep building up until one day you just can't take it anymore.

 

[alexit]

In a perfect world you would be able to hire someone to kill you or have access to lethal medicines. Ever seen the movie Bulworth? That would be a cool way to go out.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Same here. I feel so alone all the time. No real friends. Feel like I've wasted life and the worst part it that I don't even care that I don't care most days. Suicide is almost my first thought in the morning when I realize I didn't die in the night.

 

[placeholder]

Suicide is almost my first thought in the morning when I realize I didn't die in the night.

It can be so related. I don't even want to wake up next morning. I just want to die in my sleep before next morning.

 

[alexit]

It can be so related. I don't even want to wake up next morning. I just want to die in my sleep before next morning.

"The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had". I absolutely dream about suicide. Sucks so hard waking up after those dreams.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

"The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had". I absolutely dream about suicide. Sucks so hard waking up after those dreams.

It's a mad world.....

 

[Mustkeyknow]

I think about suicide everyday. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy with myself. I'm thinking about CTB as soon as tomorrow. I can't stand this. I like it when I sleep because there's NOTHING, there's a VOID where I could spent eternity. And then i wake up and all the problems are there.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

At some point you graduate from wanting to kill yourself to end the pain, to accepting that you want to end your life whether you feel pain or not. You identify as suicidal. It becomes part of your identity. You realize that moments of joy are fleeting and that the agony of life is the default. I don't even get upset about the fact that I want to kill myself any more. Thinking about it is actually calming. As far as I'm concerned, it's an inevitability.

 

[waterbottleman]

At some point you graduate from wanting to kill yourself to end the pain, to accepting that you want to end your life whether you feel pain or not. You identify as suicidal. It becomes part of your identity. You realize that moments of joy are fleeting and that the agony of life is the default. I don't even get upset about the fact that I want to kill myself any more. Thinking about it is actually calming. As far as I'm concerned, it's an inevitability.

Yup I feel the same, have felt this way for quite a while now actually. At least 6 months or so.

 

[airboy_a380]

me to i hate life and I think about suicide every day.

You've ben here for 2 years. I think u stronger than u think.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I think about it a lot every day, its not as all consuming as it used to be but it's still pretty intense.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

At some point you graduate from wanting to kill yourself to end the pain, to accepting that you want to end your life whether you feel pain or not. You identify as suicidal. It becomes part of your identity. You realize that moments of joy are fleeting and that the agony of life is the default. I don't even get upset about the fact that I want to kill myself any more. Thinking about it is actually calming. As far as I'm concerned, it's an inevitability.

I am at a stage where whatever good might happen does not mean much to me and wouldn't change my mind about ctb. Like you said, agony of life is the default, and even when I am "happy" and when I do "fun" things, I know that it won't last and death is always creeping in the shadows of my mind.

 

[WearyOfStruggling]

I got to wake up to yelling today, I fell asleep sad and lonely. I wanted to be dead by now but I struggle with even going out because I've lost hope. I don't want to still be here by December and just the thought of it scares me and makes me sick. Sometimes I wish it were easier to just hire a hitman on myself. Last night before I went to sleep I was looking up "how to drown yourself". I wish it were easier to commit suicide painlessly.

I read some of your previous posts and noticed that you are aware there is a peaceful, painless, and legal means available. I am not encouraging you to end your life at all, especially since you are only 20 years old. I hope you will find the strength to begin to reengage with life and find hope again, but whatever choices you make, I am always sad to read someone considering difficult and frightening methods such as forced drowning.

 

[Eurus]

I feel ya

 

[noname223]

I think about suicide daily but I try to postpone death as long as possible. I am interested in the future. Maybe there is something that will prevent my death.