Venting I hate my life and it hates me back

[Red]

So already in a crappy position; chronically, physically unwell with no real diagnosis; been unable to work or transport myself around due to this illness; bereft of family and friends too wrapped up in themselves or too tired of aforementioned illness: this is the norm right now. Bad enough already, right?

Now they're losing test and scan results at the docs n hospital. I had a telephone appointment booked for 3pm today; they rang at 1pm, three times, in the three minutes I was in the bathroom. Mother's Day crept by yesterday with nary a "Happy Mother's Day" from my son, for whom I've been working especially hard lately. Now someone is trying desperately to access what tiny amount of money I have by using my account details to buy shit online, so much so that the bank is having to completely change all my details just as I'm about to receive a couple of long anticipated payments, as the thieves are trying to access my online banking too.

Usually I have low blood pressure, today my watch has so far alerted me to a high heart rate (above 100bpm) while sitting, twice.

Not one break, not one reason to keep going, not one glimmer of light in all of this. I just can't.

 

[WornOutLife]

You're going through so much! I'm really sorry! I just don't know what I'd do in your situation.

Send you lots of hugs and I hope, somehow, things get at least a bit better. Nobody deserves to suffer. Life is so unfair!

 

[no_future_00]

I like to think maybe the universe wants us to suicide/die soon because theres a better place waiting for us on the other side. Its pretty hard to get to the point to kill yourself. It has to get really bad first or all the peices have to come into play. At least we ended up in places like this forum and some of us have it all prepared thanks to it. I think that itself is a miracle. If anything went well in my life then i would say the steps to ctb is going pretty well.

 

[Red]

It's like a constant onslaught, one thing after another! I'm averaging around 10-15 hours of sleep these days, hypersomnic since the back end of last year; dunno if my body is slowly fading out or my brain is just opting out of dealing with things right now?

It's hard to find reasons to carry on. When I think I've hit rock bottom, it just falls out to reveal yet another subterranean level of shite, each more putrid than the last...

Dunno what I did in a previous life but I must've been a right dick.