Venting I hate meltdowns

[リンさん]

Just had my pleasure of experiencing an autistic meltdown. I'm still coming off of it, maybe I'm still in it, but at least I can type and think somewhat straight.

Thought it'd be "fun" to observe and write out how it goes down.

Right now I was doing some job tasks and got triggered because I've hit a roadblock and couldn't figure out how to fix my mistakes. I couldn't reverse them either. Basically I now need to redo everything.

When I realized that I may need to invest even more hours into a problem I've been trying to solve, I realized instantly that a meltdown was going to happen.

It's both physical and mental. I get hot (ew), even though it's cold. I start hyperventilating involuntarily. So my first step is to open the window and make the room cool, or stand in front of the window. Then I feel the urge to cry and scream - so I do. All while physical and mental sensitivity is turned to the max.

Paper tissues feel like sandpaper on my face. Tears running down my face become unbearable. Tears dry out my skin, and that dryness becomes painful too. I start thinking about what else I need to do which makes my desperation even worse. I cry, and scream, and cry, and scream because I feel so many things at once, and it all hurts so badly and I don't want to do any of it.

I get strong suicidal urges during meltdowns too. I can't stop the meltdown. I can only wait for it to subside which can take time.

Usually after it I get a nasty headache and I can already feel it now.

So yeah. Today wasn't fun.

 

[todeswunsch]

I don't usually have many meltdowns - I need to be pushed reaaally hard to hit that point.
When overwhelmed/overstimulated I usually go by shutdown.
Everything becomes too much. I cannot bear the lights, the sounds, the touches. I feel cold and hot at the same-time why. I cannot say a word, move slowly. I bearly can understand what people are saying. Messages I need to reread multiple times. I usually just retreat to myself in my own place until its gone.
My meltdowns are usually when I'm in this state and someone/something keeps pushing me, and I explode.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I hate autism. Neurotypicals don't understand hoe the world feels like a minefield.

I hope it passes soon.

Держись!