Venting I hate living with myself all the time, I hate myself

[intintint]

I can't. I can't. It's just too much. I hate myself so fucking much it's insane. I can't stand what I do, how I talk, I'm hideous, awkward, I yap too much. I feel everyone hates me. How can they not ? I'm such a weird and unlikeable human. I inconvenience others in so many ways. Even this post? Isn't it just narcissim with extra steps? Why do I feel like stupid me deserves any attention? Why am I like this? I need to get my shit together. Why am I so useless, incompetent, stupid? Why can't I stick to things I want to do? Why do I keep doing so many fucked up things I hate about myself??

And if that wasn't enougj, every now and then feeling inside of me is triggered and my brain goes batshit crazy. I become unable to function.. I fixate on things. Rn I'm convinced a person hates me. This person probably never thinks of me, yet I feel physically sick when I think about it. This person is so far away from me it's absolutely insane it has this effect. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep getting off track every 2 days because my brain decided to pull up a fire alarm and scream incessantly.

Please brain, stfu and go to hell, no one cares about you. Get your shit together or stfu forever.

 

[melancholymoonjuice]

I think I get how you feel because I often times feel/felt very similarly (I have a history of bullying and family neglect/abuse), but please don't forget that your body has a biological need for community and connection to other people. These beliefs you have about yourself not deserving to express yourself or people hating you probably stem from some traumatising shit you went through so give yourself some grace. You don't have to be perfect all the time, it's okay to feel how you feel because you are human after all. If this is natural way you are, then let yourself be. Don't judge yourself for the way you are. (I know its easier said than done) You deserve to be loved and appreciated the way you are without having to change. I am so so fucking sorry that the people in your life failed you. But please keep believing that there are still good people out there who will love and appreciate you just the way you are because you are sooooo incredibly loveable my dear!!
You got this! I am sending you lots of hugs If you need someone to talk you can send me a message.