Venting I hate having OCD and it makes me want to die

[MulherSatanás]

I've been living with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for 3 years, and I simply can't take it anymore. My arms and hands were already completely covered in wounds from excessive washing. I can't stand the touch of friends, family, people I love or just people in general. This is terrible, I feel so uncomfortable... I've even had crises in public because so many people are touching me. 100% of my day I am left with countless intrusive thoughts of all types. The most frequent are those who tell me to kill myself and finally get rid of it. There comes a point where these thoughts are UNBEARABLE. My psychologist said that to get rid of them, I would need to face them... but that is completely useless. Sometimes I want to blow my brains out to make this stop... what irritates me most are people who don't take me seriously, even though I'm diagnosed with it. My family is not at all understanding (except my parents)... I've been called crazy, ungrateful and every possible name, what is their problem? Furthermore, they completely invade my space... they touch my things, touch my belongings and I have to clean everything several times afterwards. They already crumpled up the booklet that came with my CD from my favorite band. I honestly hate these types of people, they only increase my desire to die. This is not just with my family, but with a large part of the people I have to live with.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

My OCD is paralyzing. Conjuring the energy to anything is exhausting because I know I won't be happy unless it's done perfectly.

 

[M.O.N]

I'm sorry this is something you have to go through daily. my sister was diagnosed with OCD in 2021 but has struggled with it her entire life. I've seen her break down over "little" things so many times, sometimes I look at her and she looks so overwhelmed yet disconnected, almost like she's struggling to keep up with a teleprompter in her brain. it hurts to see how exhausted she is at the end of every day. It really is serious and I'm sorry some of your family don't treat it that way, I can't imagine how much that adds to the stress you deal with already. I wish everyone could see how much effort goes into self regulating with OCD, maybe people would put more of their own effort into making life a bit easier for you all. wishing you nothing but peace, I hope the people around you find it in themselves to be more respectful of your boundaries and comfort.

 

[MulherSatanás]

I'm sorry this is something you have to go through daily. my sister was diagnosed with OCD in 2021 but has struggled with it her entire life. I've seen her break down over "little" things so many times, sometimes I look at her and she looks so overwhelmed yet disconnected, almost like she's struggling to keep up with a teleprompter in her brain. it hurts to see how exhausted she is at the end of every day. It really is serious and I'm sorry some of your family don't treat it that way, I can't imagine how much that adds to the stress you deal with already. I wish everyone could see how much effort goes into self regulating with OCD, maybe people would put more of their own effort into making life a bit easier for you all. wishing you nothing but peace, I hope the people around you find it in themselves to be more respectful of your boundaries and comfort.

I'm sorry about your sister. I hope she can shake this awful thing off...overwhelmed and disconnected is exactly how I feel. I started taking medication that was prescribed by my psychiatrist, she said it takes around 1 month for the medication to take effect. I've been taking it for almost 2 months and nothing. I really think some people will only understand what we went through when they feel the same way. I'm really tired of people being so incomprehensible, and often even treating OCD as something so simple... it's not.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really horrible being trapped in that situation, it's cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence, I find it awful how other people just very often make existing even worse. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[M.O.N]

I'm sorry about your sister. I hope she can shake this awful thing off...overwhelmed and disconnected is exactly how I feel. I started taking medication that was prescribed by my psychiatrist, she said it takes around 1 month for the medication to take effect. I've been taking it for almost 2 months and nothing. I really think some people will only understand what we went through when they feel the same way. I'm really tired of people being so incomprehensible, and often even treating OCD as something so simple... it's not.

god, starting a new medication is such a process in itself. it sucks that people can only find understanding when things happen to them. you have every right to be tired of the lack of care shown by others. I hope you find something that makes your day to day at least a bit easier. wishing you luck, truly.

 

[ClownW0rld]

I have harm OCD and it's hell. Whenever I am in public I am afraid that I am going seriously hurt, physically/sexually assault, grope, or do something unthinkable to people around me. I know in my head it's irrational and I would never do such a thing, but the anxiety can feel so real sometimes and can convince you that you have done things you would never do.

 

[golden_triforce3]

I was diagnosed with OCD myself at a veeery young age.
It was hell for me growing up. I couldn't deal with all the intrusive thoughts, repetitive movements, impulses, anxiety, etc. It really felt like I would never be able to feel comfortable, relaxed or happy.

However, after over 20 years of living with it, I feel much better now. I know what to expect and how to handle my symptoms, thoughts and feelings and life with OCD is much easier now. I'm sure it accentuates all of my other mental and physical issues (which are the actual reasons I'm here), but my point is things may get better. I won't guarantee it, but it happened to me.
It's crazy to think that the thing that used to make me want to disappear and stop existing is the least of my problems now. I guess I just needed to give myself time.

I know everyone's experience is different and I acknowledge many people have significantly more severe OCD than I do. I also know this is the last thing I'd want to hear from people regarding the problems that bring ME here.
I know what it feels like to want to die because of it and I support anything you decide to do about it just like I want to be supported for what I want to do about MY problems. But I don't know, I have hope for you.

Boa sorte.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

This was my first and most prominent mental ailment. Absolutely horrendous disorder to have. Embarrassing and mentally exhausting.

 

[MulherSatanás]

I was diagnosed with OCD myself at a veeery young age.
It was hell for me growing up. I couldn't deal with all the intrusive thoughts, repetitive movements, impulses, anxiety, etc. It really felt like I would never be able to feel comfortable, relaxed or happy.

However, after over 20 years of living with it, I feel much better now. I know what to expect and how to handle my symptoms, thoughts and feelings and life with OCD is much easier now. I'm sure it accentuates all of my other mental and physical issues (which are the actual reasons I'm here), but my point is things may get better. I won't guarantee it, but it happened to me.
It's crazy to think that the thing that used to make me want to disappear and stop existing is the least of my problems now. I guess I just needed to give myself time.

I know everyone's experience is different and I acknowledge many people have significantly more severe OCD than I do. I also know this is the last thing I'd want to hear from people regarding the problems that bring ME here.
I know what it feels like to want to die because of it and I support anything you decide to do about it just like I want to be supported for what I want to do about MY problems. But I don't know, I have hope for you.

Boa sorte.

I'm honestly glad that your life with OCD is easier now. I'm hopeful that I'll get better too... my OCD isn't that bad, as far as I know. But I don't know, it's completely exhausting and I wanted the improvement to come soon. Finding people who understand how I feel is extremely comforting for me. Thank you for your words, I wish you all the best :)

This was my first and most prominent mental ailment. Absolutely horrendous disorder to have. Embarrassing and mentally exhausting.

Exactly! It's something very exhausting, I feel like I'm never relaxed and/or well, quite the opposite, I always feel tired. I don't know how your situation is with the disorder... but I really wish you the best. I hope that we, the people who suffer from this, can finally find comfort.

I have harm OCD and it's hell. Whenever I am in public I am afraid that I am going seriously hurt, physically/sexually assault, grope, or do something unthinkable to people around me. I know in my head it's irrational and I would never do such a thing, but the anxiety can feel so real sometimes and can convince you that you have done things you would never do.

Facts. Something I have a lot of is fear of persecution... my intrusive thoughts always make me believe that I'm being persecuted, that someone is going to do me harm, hurt me physically... it sucks. This disorder sucks... I hope with all my heart that this situation gets better for you... I hope it gets better for all of us, hugs.