Venting I hate feeling unlovable

[kitkatt]

I feel like I am unlovable because anytime I've ever let someone close once they get to know me they leave. I hate feeling like I'm weird and too much the moment people see me past what I have to offer on the surface. It's so stupid I know it's irrational but I can't help the way I feel and the confirmation bias doesn't help. I know that these feelings stem mostly from having both my parents and all my surrounding family who cared for me constantly dismiss me as well as abuse me physically and mentally. This also sounds vain but being conveniently attractive doesn't help people are willing to lust over me but no one wants to know and love me for all that I am. Also while I may be mentally ill id like to say I'm not unhinged I do my best with what I have available to do self work and keep myself responsible for things that are my responsibility to keep in check. But fuck man I just feel so hopeless I'd love to have the comfort of someone who cares about me and sees me and who also wants to watch cartoons cuddle and smooch like damn I just feel like I'm a creature that got sewn into a people suit and I'm being forced to play the game but I accidentally skipped the tutorial ;( it's a least comforting to know that this will probably be my last year dealing with feeling this way at least so there's that at least. Too bad I wasn't born a possum I'd only maybe have a year or two I'd have to play the game

 

[madwoman]

Sorry you feel this way. I feel the same way also probably stemming from my childhood of people leaving me and bc of all that I have a hard time letting people in so I feel really lonely all the time. I also mask and don't even really know who I am. So I feel safest when I'm alone. I'm tired of feeling this way too and want peace from it.

 

[kitkatt]

I'm

Sorry you feel this way. I feel the same way also probably stemming from my childhood of people leaving me and bc of all that I have a hard time letting people in so I feel really lonely all the time. I also mask and don't even really know who I am. So I feel safest when I'm alone. I'm tired of feeling this way too and want peace from it.

Im sorry you do too. I get it though I don't know who I am anymore and I always safest all by myself. But I still crave the comfort of a once loving owner of the beaten down wounded animal I am and feels like I remember once halving. I at least feel comfort knowing this has gotta be my last year. If not I'd always love to be wrong when it comes to everything wrong with my life and the world.