aliasblue.
forever envious
- Apr 3, 2023
- 44
Envy is such a known feeling to me, to the point where it is a part of me but I hate how it makes me feel at times. Im so envious of all the people who have it good. I hate how good people with appreciative friends and lovers who are still alive have it. I really really hate it. I've cried to myself countless times over the fact that I have no one like that but the pain and longing still never goes away. I feel so left out and left behind. I want to be loved aswell. I hate how im the only one who's possessive and obsessive over people and how it is never mutual. My envy is driving me insane and is one of the biggest factor contributing to my suicide idealism. I want to leave this place behind so badly but there are so many obstacles in my path. I know the reason why those obstacles are present is because it is not my time to kill myself yet but I still hate those obstacles so much. I want to be at peace and free of this fire in my heart.