Venting i hate being trans

[cuminmybongwatr]

im genuinely so exhausted of having to live in this body. why the actual fuck am i trans dude, i hate it. i would do absolutely anything to be born a cis male. instead i have to deal with transphobia from all angles. literally had to drop out of highschool because of it. my family constantly makes jokes punching down on trans people, and even make the jokes TO me. they all call me my deadname even tho i have begged and fucking pleaded for them to stop. i genuinely wanna rip my fucking throat out jesus christ. i wanna ctb. i do not want to live as a transsexual. but i dont want to die, i love my friends, i love experiencing love and life. but its unbearable bc im a transsexual dude.

 

[アホペンギン]

People being against trans people is so sad, that is one of the main reasons as to why trans people want to ctb.. I'm sorry your family and other people treat you in such an unfair way, I cannot imagine being treated like that due to something I can't even control.

What is even worse is that you enjoy life but these insults are pushing you to this point and theres nothing you can do about it because people are insistent on statements proving why they hate people who identify as trans (some don't even have a reason, its just them getting brainwashed causing them to have this twisted mindset).

I hope you find relief from this soon, with whichever way to do so suits you best. I send you my best regards and may you find peace from this soon, best wishes.

 

[cuminmybongwatr]

People being against trans people is so sad, that is one of the main reasons as to why trans people want to ctb.. I'm sorry your family and other people treat you in such an unfair way, I cannot imagine being treated like that due to something I can't even control.

What is even worse is that you enjoy life but these insults are pushing you to this point and theres nothing you can do about it because people are insistent on statements proving why they hate people who identify as trans (some don't even have a reason, its just them getting brainwashed causing them to have this twisted mindset).

I hope you find relief from this soon, with whichever way to do so suits you best. I send you my best regards and may you find peace from this soon, best wishes.

thank you so much. i dont understand the hatred, if i could CHOOSE i absolutely wouldnt be trans. but people are so ignorant.

thats the worst part, i literally love life. i recently got medicated and life has gotten so much better, other than the trans thing.

thank you, i hope i can find a method that i can follow through with. im ready for peace and quite. and just, solitude.

 

[ghostkid]

I'm so sorry to hear that your family is not supporting or even accepting. It's so fucking wrong.
If you don't really want to die and love your life, I would suggest that you try to get out of this environment as soon as you can instead of CTB. You say you love your friends? Great, they probably love you too and will help you!

I know the transphobia is very loud at the moment. (I might be trans masc too and it hurts me a lot too) but that does not mean that everyone is like that. If you find the right people who are accepting and care about you, your life might actually turn out okay.
There are all sorts of communities out there who help LGBTQ+ youth, especially when they have mental problems. Maybe you can reach out to them?

 

[cuminmybongwatr]

I'm so sorry to hear that your family is not supporting or even accepting. It's so fucking wrong.
If you don't really want to die and love your life, I would suggest that you try to get out of this environment as soon as you can instead of CTB. You say you love your friends? Great, they probably love you too and will help you!

I know the transphobia is very loud at the moment. (I might be trans masc too and it hurts me a lot too) but that does not mean that everyone is like that. If you find the right people who are accepting and care about you, your life might actually turn out okay.
There are all sorts of communities out there who help LGBTQ+ youth, especially when they have mental problems. Maybe you can reach out to them?

i have the right people, my friends are amazing. i woundnt trade them for anything. ive never been anything but a man to them. theres a lot more than just being trans even though that is a huge part.

im in the transitional stage of life, college/moving out/etc... but i dont have a vehicle so it has been impossible to get a job so i just feel stuck, yk? its just a lot and i just feel trapped man.

thank you for replying, your words mean a lot :)

 

[not_telling]

I'm so sorry you have to go through all that. I understand that's a reality for many trans people, but it doesn't make it any easier to see it happening to anyone. I hate that this heteronormative society can bring down even those who have found joy in life. I really hope you can find some sort of escape from those who cause you harm and then live the life that has brought you happiness, but I know it's not as easy as "just wanting it a lot". Maybe you could try the extreme options before settling on ctb? Maybe try to get help from friends to quit your present environment, go live with them for a while? I'd suggest the streets until you can find something better, but I know that death might be more comforting that this kind of living for some, it's just that at this point I'd be grasping at straws to live life, assuming of course that I enjoyed it. Anyway, I really hope you can find peace, if not living then in death, OP. Again, I'm sorry. You deserve a lot more than that.

 

[ToniFoxGirl!!]

I'm really sorry friend. I'm trans too and every day of my life I hate it. Wish I could've been a cis guy or cis girl, but I'm trapped in this stupid body in this stupid world. You aren't alone, I'm pretty sure my family hates me except my mom, I'm having trouble finding work within a new field and it's starting to feel hopeless.

 

[Renee]

Hi There Bro! Comeingmybong water. I am here for the same reason. But I am 65. I can be ok and I get triggered and am suicidal for days. I could write for days. Now I am hoping I I can work through it. Everyvtime I mention Suicide Ideation they want me locked up. My father said I wish you were not my son but since you are I wish\ I could kill you. From age 12-22 I was either in military school or parochial school so I was on short leash. My parents spent $200,000 trying to cure me.

Feel free to message me or chat here. I hope we can work this out so we stay here. SOrry I am sleepy.

 

[Renee]

I am not trying to brag, but I promise mine was worse than yours. I hope that helps.

 

[ghostkid]

i have the right people, my friends are amazing. i woundnt trade them for anything. ive never been anything but a man to them. theres a lot more than just being trans even though that is a huge part.

im in the transitional stage of life, college/moving out/etc... but i dont have a vehicle so it has been impossible to get a job so i just feel stuck, yk? its just a lot and i just feel trapped man.

thank you for replying, your words mean a lot :)

Yeah i can imagine that you feel stuck right now but with some help you might get out. It's great that you have supporting friends, i bet they would love to help you too :)

 

[jinx <3]

I am pissed on your behalf at what other people, not to mention your fucking family, have done and said to you. It's seriously so cruel for the people who should love you unconditionally to be treating you so badly. I'm trans as well, and haven't had nearly as unfair a life as you, but I want you to know that I care about you and want you to succeed in everything you do just to spite the assholes in your life. I personally hate everything about myself except my being trans (don't get me wrong, I hate the dysphoria and transphobia, but I find trans people to be some of the strongest and kindest people out there and I am forever indebted to countless trans people). I know it's not much comfort and there are certainly better people than me to say this, but I wish you the absolute best and hope that with the help of your friends you can ditch the people holding you back. I'm sorry for what you're going through. You're stronger than you think.

 

[EternalShore]

People being against trans people is so sad, that is one of the main reasons as to why trans people want to ctb..

I someone doubt that. Maybe it's situational or something, but imo, the dysphoria you get is far worse by all regards!

 

[SpiritInTheSky]

im genuinely so exhausted of having to live in this body. why the actual fuck am i trans dude, i hate it. i would do absolutely anything to be born a cis male. instead i have to deal with transphobia from all angles. literally had to drop out of highschool because of it. my family constantly makes jokes punching down on trans people, and even make the jokes TO me. they all call me my deadname even tho i have begged and fucking pleaded for them to stop. i genuinely wanna rip my fucking throat out jesus christ. i wanna ctb. i do not want to live as a transsexual. but i dont want to die, i love my friends, i love experiencing love and life. but its unbearable bc im a transsexual dude.

Sorry to hear what you are going through, its not nice when people so close to you that you are suppose to feel safe and comfortable around are acting the way they are, do you think they are calling you by your deadname as they are so used to calling you that since you were born or are they doing it on purpose just to annoy you?
I know if one of my friends or family members came out as trans I would find it very difficult to start calling them by another name as their old one would be just hard wired into my brain but I would definitely apologise and correct myself if I did.
Do you think it would be worth sitting all the family down and telling them what they are doing is really hurting you and that they need to stop.
The LGBQT+ community have grown up with like minded people around them but a lot of people have lived their lives not even thinking about it so its all new to them too but its no excuse for being mean about it. Although we have it a lot easier now than we did even 10 years ago its still a struggle for a lot of people.
I think the best thing for you to do is move out if you can and move in with friends where you will be happy, you mention not having a job so that might not be an option but it can be a goal, focus your energy on getting a job and saving up enough for you to get out, you'll feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders once you get out of a toxin environment and into one where you can just be yourself and treated as you should be.
You said you dont want to live as a transexual but thats what you are so be proud of what you are and who you are and dont let others who are narrow minded get you down. Youre better than all of them put together, you will look back in years to come and realise how brave and strong you were. Once all the bad experiences are over only good ones are left to come. Stay Strong!

 

[Pomegranate]

This is heartbreaking. You want to live your life, but are instead encountering roadblocks which are none of your own making. There remains so much transphobia in the West, and it's hard to imagine how transphobic the world is outside of the West. But progress is still being made, even if slow.

You shouldn't be experiencing any of this. Cis people don't have to go through any of this. I was never asked why I'm cis, or why I haven't identified as another gender, or why I'm immoral. Yet, trans people, just for having their own identity that is not hurting anyone, are dragged through the mud and painted as horrible people who want to take down Christianity and Islam and allow child abuse. It's horrific! And the lies seemingly never stop. There's always something new to talk about trans people, always a new controversy, even though there are way way way more important things happening that are being ignored.

I hear you, @cuminmybongwatr. You deserve love, care, and support. I really hope you consider living independently and making friends with trans and cis allies. Changing your environment can mean a world of difference. And know there are many people unfortunately going through the same things you're going through. Whether it's shaming, deadnaming, or abuse, trans people go through a lot, for literally doing nothing. Meanwhile, most murders in U.S.A. go unsolved, 11.6 percent are poor, and 1.1 million died from covid.

But hey, drag shows are corrupting our children!!! /s

 

[golden_triforce3]

I won't pretend I know how it is to be trans, but as a queer person I'd say to lean into your friends and try to live somewhere socially progressive.

As you grow older, you'll depend less and less on your family and be able to forge close relationships with people that actually understand you. The deeper you get into the community, the less you'll be exposed to intolerant people. Honestly, at this point most people I interact with are gay and trans and I sometimes even forget straight cis people are a thing lol
Of course, you'll always have to interact with others outside of your community, but being in a big city and being in my line of work means that being around people who are accepting and supportive is the norm for me now.

I guess my point is, I can't say that being trans itself is going to become easier, but I'm sure that the environment and people around you will, so I wouldn't give up just yet.

 

[アホペンギン]

I someone doubt that. Maybe it's situational or something, but imo, the dysphoria you get is far worse by all regards!

This is true but also another reason of trans people being suicidal is the social backlash they get. They aren't respected by their family and people around them and on top of that the dysphoria pushes them to this situation, wanting to ctb.

 

[iwanttoleave2000]

i truly don't understand why people can't mind their own business when it comes to this topic. it's baffling to me that people have the mental energy to care about wether someone wishes to associate/identify with the gender opposite of their biological sex. I can understand the sports argument because biologically transwoman are gonna have the advantage in sports which society has seemed to agree on should be an even playing field (by banning PEDs, different leagues for genders, different weight classes in combat sports). but that's about the fullest extent that I can understand caring about wether someone is trans or not outside of a dating/hookup context.

 

[ChronicallyCynical]

I think your family should go onto eBay and buy a better sense of humour because transphobic jokes are laughably unfunny.

It's horrible to be trapped in a body you are not comfortable with and on top of that getting 0 support, just constant putdowns and ignorance. You deserve better parents. They deserve to have CPS on their ass for the emotional abuse they subjected you to. Jail time would be nice too, but unfortunately, we don't live in that kind of world.

You shouldn't have to feel like dying because of your environment. If possible, I hope that you manage to get out of such a shitty environment as soon as. I'm glad you have your friends, and I hope that they are there to stay. Support is important at times like these.

By the way, off-topic, but I love your pfp. Dunno why but there's something charming and underrated about sharks.

 

[Costrecce]

I relate to this so much sadly. I do not want to be a trans guy, I just want to be a cis male. I can't even transition, I'm pretty sure my mother will attack me if I do, she's extremely transphobic and a lunatic

 

[cuminmybongwatr]

I'm so sorry you have to go through all that. I understand that's a reality for many trans people, but it doesn't make it any easier to see it happening to anyone. I hate that this heteronormative society can bring down even those who have found joy in life. I really hope you can find some sort of escape from those who cause you harm and then live the life that has brought you happiness, but I know it's not as easy as "just wanting it a lot". Maybe you could try the extreme options before settling on ctb? Maybe try to get help from friends to quit your present environment, go live with them for a while? I'd suggest the streets until you can find something better, but I know that death might be more comforting that this kind of living for some, it's just that at this point I'd be grasping at straws to live life, assuming of course that I enjoyed it. Anyway, I really hope you can find peace, if not living then in death, OP. Again, I'm sorry. You deserve a lot more than that.

thank you, so much

I think your family should go onto eBay and buy a better sense of humour because transphobic jokes are laughably unfunny.

It's horrible to be trapped in a body you are not comfortable with and on top of that getting 0 support, just constant putdowns and ignorance. You deserve better parents. They deserve to have CPS on their ass for the emotional abuse they subjected you to. Jail time would be nice too, but unfortunately, we don't live in that kind of world.

You shouldn't have to feel like dying because of your environment. If possible, I hope that you manage to get out of such a shitty environment as soon as. I'm glad you have your friends, and I hope that they are there to stay. Support is important at times like these.

By the way, off-topic, but I love your pfp. Dunno why but there's something charming and underrated about sharks.

thank you sm, ill hopefully be out of it one day, and if not, well, ill be at peace.

thank you ! i love sharks sm !!

I think your family should go onto eBay and buy a better sense of humour because transphobic jokes are laughably unfunny.

It's horrible to be trapped in a body you are not comfortable with and on top of that getting 0 support, just constant putdowns and ignorance. You deserve better parents. They deserve to have CPS on their ass for the emotional abuse they subjected you to. Jail time would be nice too, but unfortunately, we don't live in that kind of world.

You shouldn't have to feel like dying because of your environment. If possible, I hope that you manage to get out of such a shitty environment as soon as. I'm glad you have your friends, and I hope that they are there to stay. Support is important at times like these.

By the way, off-topic, but I love your pfp. Dunno why but there's something charming and underrated about sharks.

thank you sm, ill hopefully be out of it one day, and if not, well, ill be at peace.

thank you ! i love sharks sm !!

 

[Minsu]

Omg what an ignorance from your family! I feel so sorry for you
I don't get why it's so hard to be respectful and nice to each other.. if someone would asked me to not call him his dead name, I can't imagine that I would refuse and would continue to do that

 

[Renee]

It is so hard to have resilience when you need it most. I am 65 and have had dysphoria since I was 4. It was so bad I ran away from home at 5. I gave up and went home. But I did make a peanut butter sandwich to take so I would have some supper. That was as far as I thought. it was first time I made one. I used step ladder to climb on counter so I could reach the jar of peanut butter. I also grabbed a handfull of matches and kerosene lantern in the garage to take and I drove off on my peddle powered toy tractor.

My parents found out at 12
Back to earlier posters conversation. I was in conversion therapy 12-22.

The dysphoria will kill you, but the fear of social ostrazation will prevent you from transitioning. My poor left arm 36 years later still scarred like a tic tack toe board from where I got after it with a single edge razor blade on day committing a failed suicide.

 

[deep_end]

I'm trans too. However, I absolutely love being trans. Its actually one of the few things I find happiness in anymore. If you (or anyone) wants to talk about it, I'll be here

 

[this_is_it]

felt, i cant watch the news because it makes me feel like my right to transition is in imminent danger (and if i cant transition i honestly dont want to keep living)