Everyday the dysphoria gets worse like it's reminding me how I'll never be how I want to be and that I'll always be a let-down. I just want to be pretty although it looks like it's unobtainable. I look at any woman I see for minutes, analyzing how I'll never be good enough. I wish I wasn't born defective. I don't really see a point to continue much; I have nobody to live for and nothing to be excited about. All I do day after day is just sit in silence about how I'll never be good enough, nobody will see me how I want them to. I don't even want to go outside anymore, I just don't want people seeing me as something I'm not.
I wish this nightmare will all end soon, I truly hate it here - even more with a freak like myself.
Hello
@NoLoveNoHope,
I'm not trans, so I don't have first-hand experience, but I have a friend who is a trans woman.
She said "my life is a torture" and frankly, I feel like even the word torture is an understatement.
She has a husky voice and she can't bear it. People sometimes think she's a man.
She's not so tall but can't find shoes which she can wear because her feet are wide.
And her name on her documents is a man's name - which reveals she's trans.
She want to live as an ordinary woman but it seems to be so difficult, if not impossible.
And she has made multiple CTB attempts in her life. I couldn't offer any hope, because it seemed to be genuinely hopeless - I believe and have told her "trans women are women" repeatedly, but I know it's not enough in this cruel world.
She's a gem of an woman and I don't want her to die but I simply can't tell her not to kill herself. I feel like she's an woman who is trapped in a burning skyscraper and considering to jump off - I can never say "hold on", I don't want to watch her being burned alive.
I wish you peace, whatever you choose
