I had more help and support on how to live I wouldnt be making plans to kill myself when I turn 30 years old

[FireFox]

I really wanted to live, make a positive contribution to society, have a man who loves me and I just wanted to be happy. All throughout my life I never gave up when things were difficult because I am determined. I really wanted to live and fought so hard to improve and enjoy life.

I reached out but people in my life didn't want to listen. All I got told was "you have your whole life ahead of you", " people have it worse than you" or "just get over it" or " everything happens for a reason"- My religious family love this disgusting pharse so much. I can't get treatment because the NHS mental services in my area are very difficult to access and navigate. I have no one really to show me how to live and enjoy life. I love adventure and being outdoors all the time seeing the world but my family and relatives don't understand that. They prefer being indoors except for holidays and outings. I am too different from my entire family in so many ways. Nobody understands what I want and I am outsider who has struggled to fit in all throughout my life.

2023 has been the worst year of my life and it has finally shown me life is not worth holding onto anymore. Life is a bullshit game and I am done playing. I will kill myself at 30 years old because I am not doing another decade

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I love adventure and being outdoors all the time seeing the world but my family and relatives don't understand that.

I'm sorry you have to live with such a toxic family. That sounds like u would want to travel the world, visit other countries and so on, or just being outside in nature? Why can't you do it? Is your family stopping you from doing it?

I think you should try to live your life instead of setting a deadline for CTB. You can always be prepared to do it should things turn worse.

 

[a_carbon_based_life]

I really wanted to live, make a positive contribution to society, have a man who loves me and I just wanted to be happy. All throughout my life I never gave up when things were difficult because I am determined. I really wanted to live and fought so hard to improve and enjoy life.

I reached out but people in my life didn't want to listen. All I got told was "you have your whole life ahead of you", " people have it worse than you" or "just get over it" or " everything happens for a reason"- My religious family love this disgusting pharse so much. I can't get treatment because the NHS mental services in my area are very difficult to access and navigate. I have no one really to show me how to live and enjoy life. I love adventure and being outdoors all the time seeing the world but my family and relatives don't understand that. They prefer being indoors except for holidays and outings. I am too different from my entire family in so many ways. Nobody understands what I want and I am outsider who has struggled to fit in all throughout my life.

2023 has been the worst year of my life and it has finally shown me life is not worth holding onto anymore. Life is a bullshit game and I am done playing. I will kill myself at 30 years old because I am not doing another decade

I'm sorry that the people closest to you have been so invalidating. Your problems are real and deserve care and attention. Also have you tried finding groups / classes for more outdoor related things? It might be a way to find people who love the outdoors as much as you do and a way to encourage you and help you learn more about the things you love

 

[starlightsun]

Hey FireFox

I can relate to this very much. I get feeling different from your family and how they don't understand the way you want to live. I'm a bit the same, things that are important to me my family doesn't see or get, which feels like a reflection of larger society. It sounds like they haven't taken your struggle seriously. Our mental health system is so broken too that I haven't been able to find anyone decent to help me either.

I love being outdoors too. I wish we lived in societies were we valued the natural world and strived to live in harmony with it rather than exploit it and ruin it.

I also wanted a great life but no one has helped me get the skills or confidence to do so. I'm turning 31 soon and shortly after I plan to leave this world as well. Life/modern living does feel like a stupid game and everyone is just mindlessly playing. I don't see the point in it either and can't bring myself to care about the bullshit that other people care about. All this to say I relate to how you feel. And I'm sorry you haven't had the support and encouragement you needed to live that amazing life you deserve. If you found the right people do you think there's a chance for things to be different?