Venting i had a great night so i want to die

[vampire2002]

i had a really fun night tonight. i usually always feel so lonely. i got to hang out with a few family members around my age and we went to a haunted house. even got flirted with a little bit by someone. i felt like a normal girl tonight. ironically, having a good time with people only seems to highlight the amount of times i spend alone and miserable. i feel so sad it's only for one night, and i'll go back to being as alone as i was before.

and when the people in the haunted house touched me, i didn't really feel scared. i think it just made me realize how touch starved i actually am, since i enjoyed it and wanted them to touch me. not in a creepy way, but i just don't usually let people touch me since i have severe OCD and people tend to gross me out. it's not like i want to be this way and the truth is i do miss being touched, even these small and platonic gestures, despite the fact they were trying to scare me. i always feel so lonely.

i guess it sounds pretty pathetic, i was lucky to have a good time at all. but i'm really such a lonely person. i don't have many friends, and none are irl. hell, i have never really had friends i was close enough with to go out and hang out with. i'm so isolated from other people, this is the first time i've left my house in a month.

it's so hard to stick around in this world when you feel so alone and misunderstood. i just honestly wish i had a best friend i could talk to about everything honestly judgement-free, spend time with, and be completely understood. even my bad sides. i've always been an outcast, even all throughout my school years.

due to my social anxiety, OCD, and trauma, it's very hard for me to go outside and meet new people and hang out with them often, as much as i want to. the last time i tried, i met somebody in person off the internet who was the same age as me and seemed nice, but things went quite bad and i ended up in the hospital for it. it was the time i was the most actively suicidal because of what happened to me, and that bravery i'd built up to try to make friends was completely shattered.

and don't get me wrong, i love my online friends. but replying takes a lot of energy for me when i'm depressed and just really want to spend time with people in person and relax in somebody's company.

i should be happy i got to spend time with people at all today, but i just feel really depressed and suicidal because it's over. i want companionship so badly. i don't mean to sound pathetic. i know everyone is lonely these days. it's just so painful and it always feels like i'm being judged because i'm "behind" for my age and struggling with so many things that apparently not a lot of people understand. so it's hard to relate to people and form genuine connections, especially in person. i'm very bad at talking, even when i enjoy being around somebody, so i've been told i come across as intimidating or rude when really i'm just shy and anxious.

i've been such a lonely person all my life, and i think i always will be. it makes me so sad. i'm going to die without anybody ever really knowing me.

 

[Enlighten]

i had a really fun night tonight. i usually always feel so lonely. i got to hang out with a few family members around my age and we went to a haunted house. even got flirted with a little bit by someone. i felt like a normal girl tonight. ironically, having a good time with people only seems to highlight the amount of times i spend alone and miserable. i feel so sad it's only for one night, and i'll go back to being as alone as i was before.

and when the people in the haunted house touched me, i didn't really feel scared. i think it just made me realize how touch starved i actually am, since i enjoyed it and wanted them to touch me. not in a creepy way, but i just don't usually let people touch me since i have severe OCD and people tend to gross me out. it's not like i want to be this way and the truth is i do miss being touched, even these small and platonic gestures, despite the fact they were trying to scare me. i always feel so lonely.

i guess it sounds pretty pathetic, i was lucky to have a good time at all. but i'm really such a lonely person. i don't have many friends, and none are irl. hell, i have never really had friends i was close enough with to go out and hang out with. i'm so isolated from other people, this is the first time i've left my house in a month.

it's so hard to stick around in this world when you feel so alone and misunderstood. i just honestly wish i had a best friend i could talk to about everything honestly judgement-free, spend time with, and be completely understood. even my bad sides. i've always been an outcast, even all throughout my school years.

due to my social anxiety, OCD, and trauma, it's very hard for me to go outside and meet new people and hang out with them often, as much as i want to. the last time i tried, i met somebody in person off the internet who was the same age as me and seemed nice, but things went quite bad and i ended up in the hospital for it. it was the time i was the most actively suicidal because of what happened to me, and that bravery i'd built up to try to make friends was completely shattered.

and don't get me wrong, i love my online friends. but replying takes a lot of energy for me when i'm depressed and just really want to spend time with people in person and relax in somebody's company.

i should be happy i got to spend time with people at all today, but i just feel really depressed and suicidal because it's over. i want companionship so badly. i don't mean to sound pathetic. i know everyone is lonely these days. it's just so painful and it always feels like i'm being judged because i'm "behind" for my age and struggling with so many things that apparently not a lot of people understand. so it's hard to relate to people and form genuine connections, especially in person. i'm very bad at talking, even when i enjoy being around somebody, so i've been told i come across as intimidating or rude when really i'm just shy and anxious.

i've been such a lonely person all my life, and i think i always will be. it makes me so sad. i'm going to die without anybody ever really knowing me.

Hey vampire2002, i relate to many things you say. Having a really good thing can be frightening indeed, because only then you realise how bad your "normal" life is in comparison. I'm still glad you had that fun though, these fun moments should be cherished.
I'm sorry to hear that you feel lonely and that you had a bad experience with people on the internet.
And it is true, nobody will ever understand you like you understand yourself. Everyone views the world from a different viewpoint because of past experiences, which causes them to understand/not understand things that happen to you.
I would love to talk with you and hopefully make you feel a bit less lonely. I can't promise that i will understand everything, but i won't judge you, that's for sure.

 

[zeek]

it's so hard to stick around in this world when you feel so alone and misunderstood. i just honestly wish i had a best friend i could talk to about everything honestly judgement-free, spend time with, and be completely understood. even my bad sides. i've always been an outcast, even all throughout my school years.

its just so hard to grow up without the best friend archetype you had seen everyone else with. no one to confide in when the going got rough. i really like what you said here.

i've been such a lonely person all my life, and i think i always will be. it makes me so sad. i'm going to die without anybody ever really knowing me.

im going to die and be forgotten. the only reason ive been holding on for these past few weeks its to hold out for a saviour. i just wish someone would hear me and save me.

 

[iwanttobedead]

i had a really fun night tonight. i usually always feel so lonely. i got to hang out with a few family members around my age and we went to a haunted house. even got flirted with a little bit by someone. i felt like a normal girl tonight. ironically, having a good time with people only seems to highlight the amount of times i spend alone and miserable. i feel so sad it's only for one night, and i'll go back to being as alone as i was before.

and when the people in the haunted house touched me, i didn't really feel scared. i think it just made me realize how touch starved i actually am, since i enjoyed it and wanted them to touch me. not in a creepy way, but i just don't usually let people touch me since i have severe OCD and people tend to gross me out. it's not like i want to be this way and the truth is i do miss being touched, even these small and platonic gestures, despite the fact they were trying to scare me. i always feel so lonely.

i guess it sounds pretty pathetic, i was lucky to have a good time at all. but i'm really such a lonely person. i don't have many friends, and none are irl. hell, i have never really had friends i was close enough with to go out and hang out with. i'm so isolated from other people, this is the first time i've left my house in a month.

it's so hard to stick around in this world when you feel so alone and misunderstood. i just honestly wish i had a best friend i could talk to about everything honestly judgement-free, spend time with, and be completely understood. even my bad sides. i've always been an outcast, even all throughout my school years.

due to my social anxiety, OCD, and trauma, it's very hard for me to go outside and meet new people and hang out with them often, as much as i want to. the last time i tried, i met somebody in person off the internet who was the same age as me and seemed nice, but things went quite bad and i ended up in the hospital for it. it was the time i was the most actively suicidal because of what happened to me, and that bravery i'd built up to try to make friends was completely shattered.

and don't get me wrong, i love my online friends. but replying takes a lot of energy for me when i'm depressed and just really want to spend time with people in person and relax in somebody's company.

i should be happy i got to spend time with people at all today, but i just feel really depressed and suicidal because it's over. i want companionship so badly. i don't mean to sound pathetic. i know everyone is lonely these days. it's just so painful and it always feels like i'm being judged because i'm "behind" for my age and struggling with so many things that apparently not a lot of people understand. so it's hard to relate to people and form genuine connections, especially in person. i'm very bad at talking, even when i enjoy being around somebody, so i've been told i come across as intimidating or rude when really i'm just shy and anxious.

i've been such a lonely person all my life, and i think i always will be. it makes me so sad. i'm going to die without anybody ever really knowing me.

i always feel awful after the rare occasion that friends visit, especially when it's been fun. apparently something to do with dopamine spikes inevitably causing crashes, especially socially. love that the brain can't tolerate even a little happiness without immediately counteracting it, in this case with overwhelming feelings of loneliness and forlornness. this body is a prison. i wish i could offer assistance, but i suffer from all the same things.

maybe one day we'll figure things out (lol)